Showing posts with label smarkass comments. Show all posts
Showing posts with label smarkass comments. Show all posts

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Smarkass Comments: Randy Orton: Evolution of a Predator

In December, I got Randy Orton: Evolution of a Predator and I'm amazed at how little mention I've seen of it online. It was one of the more DVD releases from the WWE in a while. Obviously, a Randy Orton DVD set isn't surprising: he's basically the #2 face in the company behind John Cena. You could maybe argue that CM Punk is #2 now, but I don't think so. Orton is at the point where's just over in a big way no matter what. That he hasn't had a DVD set yet is a surprise, honestly -- not as surprising as the set itself. It features a documentary on the first disc and two discs of matches, which is the WWE's most common way to structure these sets. The surprising thing is the content.

The main documentary feature presents two stories basically: the first is Orton's journey from Elimination Chamber 2011 to WrestleMania XXVII, while the second is the usual biography. The first part is interesting, walking the lines between the reality of working as a wrestler for the WWE and limiting the exposure to the scripted element of the company's product. We see Orton backstage before events, but never see any discussions of match construction, who's going over, or run-throughs (as I've heard are had for group matches like the Elimination Chambers). They keep that stuff off screen, instead presenting Orton like a 'real' competitor. They also show some of the media stuff he does and charity work, a few bits at home, stuff like that. One of my favourite moments in this portion of the documentary (it skips back and forth between this and the bio) is Orton discussing how difficult he finds media appearances and how much he's worked at it. Wrestling is stage performance, working for the live audience, and that means being over-the-top. Orton is fairly restrained usually, but still.

The bio feature is where I was surprised. The story is basically 'Randy Orton used to be an asshole and now he's not.' Showing wrestlers in a negative light isn't something new to WWE DVDs. How can it be with the antics of Roddy Piper, Ric Flair, the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, and so many other wrestlers from the past? There's a big difference between showing the negative side of 'legends' and your #2 guy, though. Orton's attitude problems aren't news to the online smarks, but to the average viewer? To kids? You have Orton and pretty much everyone else they interview call Randy Orton a complete asshole up until a couple of years ago. You have John Cena saying that he hated Orton and that he was only kept around because he was good in the ring. The closest thing to someone saying something positive about Orton outside of the ring then is Triple H saying that Orton never acted that way around him because he knew that Trips would have had his head. A combination of talent and coming from a wrestling family kept Orton employed despite every story or quote telling us what a nightmare he was backstage.

One part of Orton's life that I'm very surprised they kept on the DVD is his time in the military. He joined the marines in 1998 and hated it. He hated the dehumanising culture of the military, but figured that, after basic training, things would get better. When they didn't, he went AWOL, figuring they'd come after him and throw him out. They didn't, so he returned, was told they didn't want to kick him out, and did everything he could to get out until they court martialled him and he served some time in military prison. Considering the WWE's close relationship with the US military, that they put this part of his life on the DVD is shocking. It paints the military as a place of bullying, a place where a guy like Orton was miserable because of the treatment he received. Obviously, you could make arguments that place the blame on Orton or that things have changed; except no one even comes close to that.

Basically, the honesty of the feature is surprising. They bury 80% of the time Orton was in the company, trash the military, and it makes for good viewing. It made me realise that Orton's career path is very much like Shawn Michaels's in compressed form: he came in, got a big ego, was a nightmare to work with, and, then, settled down a little with his family, realised his spot is secure, and focused more on delivering great matches. Some people have talked about how good Orton was in 2011, how he seemed more focused on in-ring performance than anything else, and I think doing this DVD helped. He was already heading in that direction and doing a project like this is the sort of thing that could have made him think more about his behaviour and spot in the company. He's over. He knows he's over, so why worry about titles and pushes? Why not just go out and deliver great matches?

***

I haven't watched a lot of the matches yet. I've skipped around a little and what really caught my eye was Orton's match against John Cena at Breaking Point in 2009. It was an "I Quit" match for the WWE Championship where Orton would lose the match and the belt if anyone interferred on his behalf. An "I Quit" match is where the only way to win is to make your opponent say "I quit." It's a step beyond a traditional submission match where the only way to win is to make your opponent tap out. Now, tapping out and saying you quit are, basically, the same thing, of course. The thinking is that actually saying you quit is worse -- something that's harder for wrestlers to do. Tapping out is ending the match, but saying you quit is to admit total defeat. It's an act of cowardice in a sense. At least, that's how I always viewed the distinction. And "I Quit" matches have slowly become John Cena's 'match.' Edge has TLC, the Undertaker and Triple H both have Hell in a Cell, and John Cena has "I Quit." His gimmick is one where he doesn't quit. He doesn't give up. He's never lost an "I Quit" match. Logically, any time he has to pick a stipulation for a match, you'd assume he'd choose "I Quit," but that would mean, like, nine of those a year. Still, you see Cena in one of these matches and you know who's winning.

Breaking Point was a PPV that only happened once and was based around submission matches. I've never seen the entire show and didn't hear anything really positive about it. It seemed like your average WWE PPV, either a little above or below average depending on who you talk to. A forgettable show. The Orton/Cena match didn't get a lot of praise either, but it's become one of my favourite matches after seeing it on this DVD set.

As a storytelling medium, the wrestling match is limited. The few times I've discussed wrestling with Tim Callahan, I would defend it, but he was always right in saying that comics have far more options for telling a story and communicating ideas. There are a lot of things wrestling matches can be about, but the most common, obviously, is violence. These are fights -- what else would they be about 99% of the time? Even when other stories are told, they're told through violence. Yet, wrestling doesn't often try to tell stories about violence in a meaningful way -- or to play with the concept of violence. Because it's such an integral part of the text, it rarely becomes subtext.

The Randy Orton/John Cena "I Quit" match is a story about the futility of torture. Because of that, it's actually a fairly unimpressing match on the surface. For 95% of the match, Randy Orton beats the living hell out of John Cena. He uses weapons, he uses handcuffs, and he delivers a ton of punishment. It's an incredibly one-sided match, especially once Orton pulls out the handcuffs and begin slowly torturing Cena. He toys with him by taunting him, by beating on him in a casual 'I can hit you, but you can't hit me' fashion before making it more serious. At one point, he hangs Cena from the ringpost by the handcuffs and hits him repeatedly with a Singapore cane, pausing in between the violence to see if Cena will quit. Once the handcuffs come out, it becomes a torture session where Orton uses violence to try and break Cena's will. Every time Cena refuses, Orton becomes more frustrated and responds with even harsher punishment. That continues until Cena finally escapes the cuffs and mounts an offence of his own. But, that's not enough, because Orton could still take control. It's only when Cena handcuffs himself to Orton and puts Orton in a submission move after Orton tries to obtain the keys (just barely out of reach) that Orton gives up almost immediately.

Orton barely took any punishment, especially compared to the amount of violence Cena endured. But, that's the point: this was a match where the violence didn't actually matter. It was a contest of wills where Cena's ability to stand up under torture eventually broke Orton. Once Cena got the upperhand, even briefly, Orton knew he couldn't win. He had brutalised Cena so much that more violence wouldn't do any good and his only option was to quit, because he knew he couldn't last that long. Orton is the coward who can dish it out, but can't take it -- at least not to the extent that Cena can. Orton tried to torture Cena into quitting and it backfired, and handed Cena a relatively 'easy' victory in how quickly Orton gave up when confronted with opposition. It's a surprisingly smart match with a story that goes beyond the usual sort you see in wrestling. A violent contest designed to make another person bend to your will where the message is that violence is ultimately futile at making someone bend to your will. Fantastic.

Monday, November 29, 2010

King of the Ring 2010 Predictions

Tonight is the King of the Ring tournament for 2010. Technically, it's happening live right now, but, here in Canada, it won't be on for another hour since the Score didn't want to alter their regular programming schedule. The WWE put up the brackets today, so I figured I'd give my predictions:

1st Round
* John Morrison vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes: This is a tough one as I could see both men going past the first round against other opponents. Part of figuring out who will advance is looking at who they would possibly be facing in the 2nd round. I'd rather see "Dashing" Cody Rhodes go over, but John Morrison seems more likely. Winner: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes
* Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio: Another tough one, but I'd rather see Del Rio advance since Bryan doesn't need the victory as much. Winner: Alberto Del Rio
* Ezekiel Jackson vs. Drew McIntyre: Wow. I look at the first two match-ups and I see two competitive matches where I wouldn't mind any of the guys advancing. Here, I see the 'Chosen One' who hasn't done shit and a muscle-bound freak that, if he won, would basically be King Mabel II. Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
* Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus: This could be a decent match, but Kingston is here to make Sheamus look good. Winner: Sheamus

2nd Round (they gave the brackets for this)
* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs. Alberto Del Rio: I can see Del Rio making it to the finals, but would definitely rather see Rhodes keep advancing. Winner: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes
* Ezekiel Jackson vs. Sheamus: If there's anyone the WWE could have beat Jackson without making him look too weak in this tournament, it's Sheamus. Both men are power-based, so the former WWE champ going over isn't a big blow. Plus, this could be another way to play off Sheamus as weakened by the tournament for the finals. Winner: Sheamus

Finals
* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus: I'm of two minds here. I think winning the King of the Ring could work well for Sheamus. I would have him win and, immediately, Triple H's King of Kings music hits, suggesting that he'll finally come back to get revenge, playing off that nickname and being a past King of the Ring. But, no, Sheamus gets on the mic and laughs at us, saying that that is now his music, because he retired Triple H and won the King of the Ring, making him the true King of Kings. But, that seems a little... well, outside of what the WWE would book. So, unless they're going to use this as a way toa dvance Sheamus/Triple H, why bother? Besides, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes as King would be fantastic. Winner and the 2010 King of the Ring: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes

Let's see how wrong I am...

Friday, October 29, 2010

Smarkass Comments: Aborted TNA Instant Analysis (10.28.10)

One of the things I've been doing for 411mania lately is an Instant Analysis (review) of TNA Impact on Thursday nights. Well, halfway through last night's episode, a crisis came up and I wasn't able to finish watching the show (or writing my review). So, instead of letting it go to waste, here's what I had...

SEGMENT ONE: The Knockouts Live Up to Their Name

And Impact began with a backstage brawl... because one of those hasn't happened in a couple of weeks. Surprisingly, this one didn't involve Abyss; it was Mickie James and Tara, but quickly grew to involve Madison Rayne, the Beautiful People, and Sarita. It was a typical brawl, but with more screaming and hair pulling. And, like a typical TNA brawl, it just went on and on and on... Until they finally made it to the ring and Ric Flair came out with security. Then, it became 'everyone slap Ric' while he debated if he should hit Tara or Mickie James back. When he threatened to 'make a woman' out of both of them, I worried we'd finally hit the point where Flair feels the need to prove his manhood with an orgy in the middle of the ring. Thankfully, he just booked a match and ended the ten-minute brawl that stopped being entertaining nine minutes previously. Though, would someone explain to TNA that a match involving these six women after watching them fight for ten minutes isn't exactly exciting? Please? They do that every goddamn time: either have a long brawl lead into a match or have a match lead into a long brawl... What's wrong with just having a good match?

Rating: 3.5 out of 10


SEGMENT TWO: Making Fun of Concussions

Flair and Bischoff acting all buddy buddy is hard to believe... but I did love Flair wondering where Bischoff was for the last half hour... 17 minutes into the show (with commercials). Yes, the brawl may have lasted only ten minutes, but it felt like half an hour. After this, Bischoff and Flair made light of the idea of wrestling with a concussion. I know they're heels, but WHAT THE FUCK? Why not break out some steroid and somas angles while they're at it? Make light of pain killer addiction maybe? Why not have Brian Kendrick or some other young wrestler fake his death from heart failure? There are some subjects you just avoid in the wrestling business and this is one of them.

The Pope was out with a casket and cut a promo on Abyss because of his interference in his TV Title match last week. I do love hearing the Pope deliver a sermon, but that was interrupted by Abyss coming out. Abyss was pretty decent on the mic, too, saying the Pope isn't safe anymore -- and neither is any of his congregation, taking two members of the audience with him. Um, yeah? Decent start, but the finish was a little strange.

Jeff Jarrett was at his arrogant heel best by mocking Samoa Joe and Ken Anderson. Short, sweet, and completely dickish. He came close to hammering on the concussion angle, but was vague enough that it didn't come off as poor as the Flair/Bischoff stuff.

Rating: 5.0 out of 10 for everything except the Flair/Bischoff stuff, which falls somewhere in the negative... what the hell were they thinking?


SEGMENT THREE: Jay Lethal vs. Robbie E. in a Jersey Shore Street Fight
Match Result: Robbie E. pinned Jay Lethal via hairspray
Match Length: Around five minutes

Matt Morgan was out to educate Ric Flair on concussions and Flair's response: "It's the business. It's called professional wrestling." Wow. Veering wildly between after school special and horrible ignorance... THIS IS WHAT I CALL ENTERTAINING WRESTLING TELEVISION!

A Street Fight... something else that hasn't happened on Impact... er, since last week. This sort of match was a smart decision in that it allowed Robbie E. to hide some of his weaker points in the ring. More a brawl than a wrestling match, Lethal kicked things off in charge, while Robbie made a short-lived comeback before Lethal turned the tables with a kendo stick. Lethal's decision to go to the corner Cookie was standing by was an easy to spot opportunity for a clearly beaten Robbie E. to win and earn a title shot at Turning Point. And it was thanks to Cookie using hair spray against Lethal. Lethal beating on Robbie was entertaining, but the ending was forced and kind of awful.

Backstage, Angelina Love was visited again by creepy Winter who replaced the seamstress... but Velvet Sky returns and there's no Winter! Spooky. Katie Lea as Winter is done very well and this story is different. I'm not hating it.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 10.08.10

Before getting into the second episode of Smackdown on SyFy, I want to direct your attention to 411mania where some changes in my writing duties have occurred. Previously, I was co-writing the High Road/Low Road column with Sat, doing the TNA Impact 4Rs, and overseeing the TNA PPV roundtable previews. High Road/Low Road and the TNA PPV roundtable remain the same, but I'm now doing an Instant Analysis of TNA Impact and the WWE Monday Night Raw 4Rs. In addition, I'll also be doing the WWE Superstars 4Rs. So, if you like my writing about wrestling, there's more of it each and every week. If you don't... why are you reading this post at all?

As for this week's Smackdown, I'll handle it in a random thought style as I watch (well, starting around half an hour into the show on the midnight replay on the Score...):

* Edge returns to Smackdown and what else returns? His awesome jacket! Hell yes! His match with Jack Swagger was better than their bout at Hell in a Cell. Edge was really working his ass off to do some different and innovative offence. Good exchange at the end, leading into Edge's win. If they keep improving with each encounter, this feud could make both men look fantastic.

* Missed the Divas match, wanting to catch the end of South Park. I stand by my choice.

* The Big Show stuff with Hornswoggle and the Dudebusters? Awful.

* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Kaval & Kofi Kingston was decent. That's a feud I wouldn't mind seeing more of, honestly. The match, though, was too short.

* The Kane/Paul Bearer promo was standard stuff for this feud with the Undertaker. Nothing special, but well done overall. A little over halfway through the show and it's been a two-segment show (and those two segments featured one match...). A pretty weak episode.

* I'm tired and kind of want to go to sleep.

* I have been enjoying the clips of previous Rey Mysterio/Alberto del Rio encounters. Good way to build to their match.

* Line of the night courtesy of Todd Grisham: "MVP's got gold: he's a baller."

* During the commercial, turned it to the Giants/Braves game to watch Ankiel hit a pretty awesome home run. Out of the park and into the water!

* Dolph Ziggler/MVP for the IC belt was a dull affair that was more about the Dolph/Vickie/Kaitlyn story than the match itself. And that's a story I don't care about. I like Kaitlyn well enough, but whatever.

* Soooooooooo tired...

* The Rey Mysterio/Alberto del Rio match was good. Rare to see Mysterio so dominant in a match. del Rio looked more like a rookie, albeit with some decent offence, but that's fine against a two-time world champ like Rey Rey. I'm just happy to see Mysterio not using his typical hit-and-run offence and changing things up when the situation calls for it.

Overall, not a strong episode. The bookending matches were really good, though.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Smarkass Comments: Impact/Smackdown Similarity

Don't have much to say about this week's Smackdown besides liking it in general, while you can read my thoughts on Impact over at 411mania. But, I did have a quick thought about the two shows this week and a similar structure with their beginning and end segments.

Smackdown used current World Heavyweight Champion Kane in both the opening and closing segments of the show. The show began with a match between him and Chris Masters, closing with a promo segment involving the Undertaker and the return of Paul Bearer.

Impact used Abyss in both the opening and closing segments of the show. The show began with a match between him and Rob Terry, closing with a promo segment involving Rob Van Dam and an unconscious/beaten up Jeff Hardy.

Kane is giant, dominating monster often involved in ludicrous and inane stories, including his current feud with the Undertaker depending on who you ask (I really like it myself).

Abyss is a fairly big, dominating guy nicknamed the Monster often involved in ludicrous and inane stories, including his current feud with Rob Van Dam, his brandishing of a two-by-four with nails in it that he calls Janice, and his obsession with a mysterious 'They' that are telling him way to do... and pretty much everyone seems to hate that one.

Chris Masters is a musclebound wrestler hired more his look than abilities, which are sorely lacking compared to the rest of the roster.

Rob Terry is a musclebound wrestler hired more his look than abilities, which are sorely lacking compared to the rest of the roster.

Kane has shown dominance over a top-tiered wrestler, the Undertaker, by attacking him backstage to weaken him and keep him out of competition for a couple of months... but the Undertaker seems prepared to bring the fight to Kane at the next PPV even though he doesn't seem 100% yet.

Abyss has shown dominance over a top-tiered wrestler, Rob Van Dam, by attacking him backstage to weaken him and keep him out of competition for nearly a couple of months... but RVD seems prepared to bring the fight to Abyss at the next PPV even though he doesn't seem 100% yet.

The Undertaker being taken out of action was the result of an injury to his orbital bone and this story was crafted around creating an explanation for his absence. In the process, the Undertaker lost a shot to win the World Heavyweight Champion. His replacement, Rey Mysterio, won the belt and, then, lost it to Kane.

Rob Van Dam being taken out of action was the result of his contract status with TNA that limits his number of appearances. In the process, he vacated the TNA World Heavyweight Championship and the new champion is being determined through a tournament that will end at the next PPV... where RVD will also return to simply fight Abyss.

The Kane/Chris Masters match was surprisingly decent.

The Abyss/Rob Terry match was pretty fucking bad.

The promo segment to close Smackdown advanced the story well and reintroduced a person from previous feuds between the Undertaker and Kane.

The promo segment to close Impact... um, had people doing stuff that added nothing to the story.

I found the similarities in broad concepts interesting and the executions even more so, because there really was a disparity. (On another note, after rewriting Raw as if it were booked by TNA, I wanted to rewrite Impact as if it were booked by the WWE, but, honestly, couldn't think of a way to do it. I guess this little comparison shows some of what I would have changed with Impact to make it more like the WWE...)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Smarkass Comments: NXT 09.21.10

Watching the third episode of NXT Season 3, Michelle and I both wondered what the point of this is. The quality has devolved to the point where the people watching it on TV shit on what's happening, the critics shit on what's happening, the live audience shits on what's happening, the announcers shit on what's happening, and even the performers shit on what's happening. The message is loud and clear: this show is rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally fucking bad and the WWE knows it. So, why is it continuing on this path instead of switching to become something better? Why not try to improve things? Some have speculated that since NXT is on its way out, losing its TV deal when Smackdown switches to SyFy (the current home of NXT) next week, that the WWE is going to bury it on its way out. It didn't fail because the WWE couldn't sell it, it failed because it just didn't work no matter what they tried. I don't quite grasp the logic either, but it's hard to know what's going in Vince McMahon's head.

Personally, I don't buy that argument anyway. Why bury your show? Then again, I can't really think of a better reason for why the show is so goddamn bad. It's like they took the worst parts of the previous two NXT seasons (lame competitions/segments, unpolished/bad wrestlers) and lost the good parts (experienced/quality wrestlers, good use of the pros at times). It's baffling. While the truth behind what's going on at TNA right now would be a fascinating story, I would honestly be more interested in finding out the thinking behind NXT at this point. At least TNA tries to sell Impact as quality -- the WWE has given up on making NXT seem good. It's just a giant turd that they're stuck with for now and they've accepted that. Hell, they've embraced that and decided to let everyone know that they know.

A few random thoughts:

* CM Punk had a few good lines, but was pretty restrained.

* Um, if Aksana has been in the US since 2001, shouldn't she qualify for citizenship?

* When Michael Cole came out, I expected him to be carrying a half-empty bottle of whiskey and ranting...

* Naomi got the biggest pop of the night for calling the 'Talk the Talk' segment bullshit. And then they kept going.

* AJ dominated the night with two competition wins plus a victory in the ring. Considering she's the one with talent, best to just back her now.

* The musical chairs bit was pretty bad, especially since, yesterday, we happened to get to the point on disc three of The Best of Raw 15th Anniversary DVD where Eugene forced a bunch of people to play musical chairs to earn a title shot. That version at least had some storytelling with no one except Stacey Keibler and Jerry Lawler (wanting to follow Stacey and stare at her ass) participating at first... until the music stopped and everyone stood there for beat before making a mad dash for the chairs. Then, there was the green mist in Coach's face, Lawler sitting on Stacey's lap, Ric Flair shoving Stacey out of the way and then strutting only to miss a chance to sit in a chair. It also finished well with Chris Jericho grabbing the chair when Tomko tried to sit in it, hitting him with the chair, and then sitting in it himself to win. Yeah, it was kind of lame, but they at least tried to make it entertaining. Not so much this time.

Really, though, a bad show. And I don't know why it has to be that way.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

TNA Raw: What if WWE Raw was TNA Impact?

Last night, while watching Raw, Michelle and I played a game where we took the segments and rewrote them as if this were Impact and TNA was booking these segments.

Show Opening featuring WWE Champion Randy Orton and former Champion Sheamus
General Manager Bret Hart comes out and talks about how Night of Champions was a giant success and proved, once again, that the WWE is where everyone wants to be and why the WWE is the most dominant promotion in sports entertainment. And one of the reasons why the WWE is reigning at the top? The NEW WWE Champion... Randy Orton! Orton comes out and Hart keeps going on about how Orton is the exact type of champion the company needs, how he's going to raise the bar, is the best in the world, etc. Eventually, after a couple of minutes of Hart praising Orton, Sheamus comes out and demands a rematch... which Hart agrees to. In fact, he wants nothing more than to see Randy Orton and Sheamus fight at Hell in a Cell for the WWE Championship and continue to raise the bar for everyone in the WWE and all across sports entertainment, proving again why WWE is the place where everyone wants to be. But, then, Vince McMahon comes out, talks about how great Orton and Sheamus both are, how their match at Night of Champions with Edge, Chris Jericho, John Cena, and Wade Barrett was the best match he's ever seen and how it makes him so proud to be the Chairman of the WWE... but, he doesn't think that fans deserve to have to wait until Hell in a Cell, because they're going to have a non-title steel cage match tonight live on Raw. (Said match would start with five minutes left in the show and end with both men either pinning one another or both escaping at the exact same time...)

"Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Santino & Kozlov
With the Hart Dynasty out on commentary, they interfere in the match immediately, attacking Rhodes and McIntyre, and the match ends in a countout for some reason instead of a disqualification. Security tries to break up the brawl, but the four men keep finding new ways to escape and fight.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison
The match lasts a single segment instead of the two it took. Morrison still wins, but in a fluke victory that has Jericho pissed off and he attacks Morrison after the match.

Edge vs. Daniel Bryan
First off, Edge's backstage segment would have involved him talking to a documentary-style camera in the men's room, talking very quietly and seriously about how the GM is holding him back and screwing up his career -- his being booked to face Daniel Bryan being proof of this. The match itself would play out mostly how it did until the ending where Alex Riley and the Miz interfered (the Miz never cutting his promo -- he does that backstage to a documentary-style camera later in the show while he and Riley are texting on their phones) would have resulted in Edge beign disqualified, but the three men just beat the shit out of Bryan anyway, leaving him a bloody mess.

Layla vs. Melina
Everything happens exactly the same, but the match is five minutes longer. And there are more botches.

R-Truth & Eve vs. Ted DiBiase & Maryse
Nothing changes.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
Instead of Barrett changing it to a gauntlet match, Nexus simply tries to attack Cena, but Cena grabs the chair Barrett brought into the ring and begins to lay them all out but the show ends mid-brawl. The match that was announced at the end of Raw is actually announced online after the show is over. (I know this doesn't make sense with my change to Orton/Sheamus, but that was on purpose.)

Also, throw in some more backstage documentary-style interviews, some people walking around ranting about things that have nothing to do with the events of this episode, and something involving Goldust eating a hot dog, while looking very intensely at William Regal.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Smarkass Comments: Smackdown 09.17.10

So, no podcasting with Tim tonight, because he's sick means that I get to watch Smackdown when it airs. Michelle is also busy, working on a new gym routine that all of the instructors are learning/practicing tomorrow, so I figured I'd write about Smackdown as it airs rather than after.

Fun/shitty note: this week's episode was taped in Detroit. Michelle and I didn't go for various reasons. But, one good thing about living in Windsor is that, between Detroit and Toronto/the rest of Southwestern Ontario, there are many, many chances to see live wrestling throughout the year. Hell, WWE just had this year's Over the Limit PPV in Detroit! They usually hit the Motor City two or three times a year. So, no worries.

Segment #1: Christian's Peep Show with Albert del Rio as a guest
I've been digging Alberto del Rio. He's good on the mic, has obvious charisma, and is decent in the ring. Pairing him with Christian for his first extended feud is a smart decision since it increases interest in Christian and gives del Rio a great, solid veteran to work with as he gets his footing in the WWE. I also love the nickname 'Juan Bradshaw Layfield.' A good way to start the show and del Rio not agreeing to a match until he's ready is a good heel move.

Segment #2: The Hart Dynasty vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre
A solid match. I've been loving "Dashing" Cody Rhodes since he took on this gimmick. It's really given him a strong focus for his character, which was fairly generic before. That added bit has made him better in the ring. Pairing him with Drew McIntyre seems a waste except to put McIntyre in a position where he can improve. This was a solid match that sets up a match between the two duos on Sunday at Night of Champions. That this newly formed tag team is getting a title shot shows how weak the tag team division is in the WWE. [**]

Segment #3: Kofi Kingston cuts a promo before his match
A fairly solid promo by Kingston setting up his Intercontinental Championship shot against Dolph Ziggler at Night of Champions. Nothing special, but Kingston on the mic is rare. He's got some basic skill and just needs more mic time to improve.

Segment #4: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger
HA! Duelling chants of "Lets go, Swagger!"/"Lets go, Kofi!" towards the end... this match was basically Jack Swagger kicking the shit out of Kofi Kingston for 10-15 minutes until some good back-and-forth with Swagger still maintain an advantage. Once they hit that point, it became very engaging to watch. I don't quite buy Kingston's victory entirely, but he needed it going into Night of Champions. Swagger was just a little too dominant for it to work entirely. It reminds me a little of Rey Mysterio's title defence against JBL at Judgment Day 2006. They should have cut some of the middle out to make it a little less one-sided. Still, once it hit the back-and-forth of the end, it was really, really good. [***1/4]

Segment #5: Trying to teach Hornswoggle to talk
oh god no fuck me this shit is godawful

Segment #6: Kelly Kelly & Rosa Mendes vs. LayCool
Michelle McCool and Layla breathers because of 'Smelly Kelly' was kind of funny. The match was typical Diva shit. LayCool wins before Night of Champions and the unification match. [1/2*]

Segment #7: LayCool picks who will face Melina at Night of Champions
Kaval still hanging out with LayCool? Awesome. I really like LayCool. They have their act down and it's amusing. McCool rigging the choice seems like a fake-out on the duo's part. I still think that, after Night of Champions, we'll have Layla carrying the Womens Championship, while McCool has the Divas belt... until they eventually break up and feud against one another to determine the real Unified Womens Champion.

Segment #8: CM Punk vs. Christian
Going into this, I expected interference from Alberto del Rio based on the show's beginning and his being on commentary ringside and I was... right. del Rio distracted Christian near the end by getting the on mic, allowing Punk to get the win. The match itself wasn't amazing, but solid work by both men, two of the better performers in the WWE. The aftermath with del Rio and the Big Show was decent. Set up the Punk/Big Show match and continued the del Rio/Christian feud. [**1/2]

Segment #9: Kane answers the Undertaker
Kane has been on fire on the mic during this feud. He's really shown how great he can be -- articulate, passionate, and just plain interesting to watch. The Undertaker's entrance was great for when the lights came on and Kane was behind the Undertaker. 'Taker made a face you don't often see: the 'oh fuck me!' face of regret/annoyance. Then, Kane just destroying the Undertaker? Very well done. Definitely the way to end the show leading into Night of Champions.

All in all, a pretty good 'go home' show with almost every segment focusing on leading into a Night of Champions match in some way. Really pushing the PPV. Unlike Raw, you can tell where the focus of this episode was.

Friday, September 10, 2010

Smarkass Comments: NXT 09.07.10

A few days late, but that's fine with me. Season three of NXT kicked off this week under somewhat strange cirumstances. Brief history lesson: NXT, which airs in the US on SyFy, is the replacement for ECW, the former 'third brand' of the WWE, which shrank in ratings as it went on, because no one gave a fuck. NXT is similar to ECW in that the point is to give younger talents a chance to perform on TV and improve their skills, against one another and veterans. ECW did this by acting like a regular wrestling show; NXT does it by being a competition. Start with eight rookies, pair them each up with a 'pro' and let them go, doing inane challenges, working in short matches, getting voted off one-by-one until one rookie is left as the winner, complete with a move to either Raw or Smackdown and a title shot on a PPV. The results have been mixed and the ratings not the improvement that SyFy wanted. So, SyFy will beginning airing Smackdown in October as the WWE flees the dying MyNetworkTV -- and doesn't want NXT anymore. Season two ended last week and that leaves a gap of five weeks, so the WWE did the smart, logical thing: they paired down the number of contestants to six and made it a show featuring women rookies. Yes, they appear to be trying to kill it off.

Now, the idea of NXT being women-only appealed to me quite a bit. I thought, prior to ECW ending but when its demise was heavily rumoured, that changing ECW to an all-Divas (as women wrestlers are called in the WWE) show would be interesting. Divas are, by and large, not good wrestlers. Their matches are thought of as a chance to go get some food, use the bathroom, whatever so long as it doesn't involve watching them wrestle. Part of this is the result of hiring women for their looks rather than their skills, but another part is that none of them are ever given a good chance to improve or get over with the audience. Each weekly TV show usually has one Diva segment at most, while numerous PPVs will go by with no Divas matches. That's not an environment where someone will improve and get over with the audience. But, an hour-long weekly show devoted exclusively to the Divas where they could all have stories and feuds, and get a chance to wrestle more? That sounded good to me. Probably a horrible business decision, but definitely interesting.

So, NXT season three being Divas only? Yeah, I'd give that a try. The results were... pretty fucking terrible. Former play-by-play man and current WWE.com ruler Joey Styles said that it was definitely more 'E' than 'W' (entertainment than wrestling, both parts of 'WWE') and I can see where he'd take that approach, except for one thing: it wasn't entertaining. It was kind of brutal to watch these six women, only a couple of which showed any skills that would suggest putting them on TV as women wrestlers. Their promo abilities? Shit. Stuck in a dance competition? The fuck? The longest match had the two rookies wrestle some more after it was over and try to go for a pin! The other match was thankfully short -- blink and you missed it.

Not sure if I'll tune in next week, but... then again, if it's only on TV for the next few weeks, it may be worth watching while I can. Though, what happens after its run ends on SyFy is still not certain. It may become a web-exclusive show or be incorporated into Raw and/or Smackdown. We'll see. The first episode, though, was really bad. When Michelle is scoffing and joining in my mockery, you know it's shit, because she's more inclined to either not care if it doesn't interest her or, well, just be a nicer person than I am. When she joins in, you're in trouble.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 08.20.10

I guess I didn't discuss last week's episode at all... ah well. Some quick thoughts:

* I'm not loving the Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston feud. I'd like to actually see a clean finish to a match. The matches have been fine, but neither guy is delivering stunning performances yet. I had hoped they would really up their game at SummerSlam this weekend given the event's history of fantastic Intercontinental Championship matches (for some reason, I always think of SummerSlam as the IC belt's PPV), but booking kind of fucked that up.

* Hmm... now Matt Striker is insulting internet wrestling fans. Considering a big part of his fanbase as a commentator is that audience, it seems odd. Or, McMahon has a giant bug up his ass about the IWC. That seems to be in the air right now with the people running the WWE and TNA, I guess. Then again, I can understand the WWE taking that stance since it's got a solid fanbase outside of that group... TNA, though...

* I really do like LayCool. They have their act down.

* Glenn Jacobs (Kane) has upped his game on the promos. His work tonight was the best yet. Confident, emotional, delivered perfectly. I want to see Jacobs taking up stage acting once he retires. I've thought for a while that wrestlers interested in acting should look to plays since their talent as speakers is performing in front of a live audience and emoting on a large scale. It seems like a nicer fit than film or TV, honestly. It's why backstage segments never work as well as they should.

* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes is awesome. He just is.

* Enjoyed the Drew McIntyre/Christian match. Not convinced that Christian going over was the right move entirely. Not sure what to think of a Rhodes/McIntyre alliance either. We'll see how that plays out.

* Alberto Del Rio was decent in the ring against Rey Rey and getting the win is big. We'll see how long this push lasts.

All in all, a fine episode.

Edit: Forgot about the mixed tag match, which was Serena's first match at this level. I liked her in the ring. She isn't amazing, but she looked just as good as a lot of other Divas who are with the company... and have won belts... Her doing a variation on the Go to Sleep was exactly what I wanted and my first instinct suggestion for a name is the 'Stomach Pump.' Not a fantastic name, but it suits the SES. Also, it occurred to me that, with Tiffany suspended, Smackdown currently has one active face Diva. Four heels, one face. Wow.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 08.06.10

Shit, son, I haven't discussed Smackdown in a month! Perhaps that's because Smackdown has been kind of boring. I watch it and find I have nothing to say except for the odd bit of outrage at how the shit with Rey Mysterio and Jack Swagger played out. If the WWE's goal was to make me loathe Rey Mysterio, mission accomplished. I understand their need to make the current world champion an underdog because he's a small little man, while Jack Swagger is bigger than he first looks, but... come on. Swagger pretty much spent two hours holding Mysterio's ankle in the Ankle Lock. It was on so long that it was hard to believe that Rey Rey could walk, let alone wrestle. I'm not one to call bullshit on wrestling for guys coming back from injuries or beatdowns, because, if it were realistic, it would be MMA and that shit is boring. (Yes, real violence is either repulsive or boring. It either last too long and becomes a grotesque self-parody where you wonder why two people would do this to themselves, or it's so short that you wonder why you even bothered... I prefer fake violence where there's a point to it.) But, at some point, you have to wonder if they considered that they oversold it to the point where it became unbelievable. It did for me. So that made Smackdown pretty uninteresting for a while.

Then there was the Straight Edge Society looking like shit because of the Big Show. The WWE threw away the unmaskings of CM Punk and Joey Mercury for reasons that no one can explain. The SES seemed to get it together a bit this week, but I still think they need one more member: an existing wrestler who is converted to the cause through feuding with the SES. Then they'd have the right numbers to take a world belt, a secondary singles belt, the tag belts, and a woman's belt. Maybe this is just the dip before the SES rises to the top? I doubt it. (Possible candidates for conversion: MVP, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, maybe even Yoshi Tatsu...)

I am digging "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. The new gimmick seems to have given him a purpose and direction he's been lacking. His match against Matt Hardy this evening was one of his best singles matches. He was focused and acted his character in the ring. He just needs to push it a little further and he'll be golden. I suggest he makes an obvious show of going for pins where he can watch it happen on the screen. I'm reminded of the scene in American Psycho where Patrick Bateman is having sex with two hookers and spends much of it admiring himself in the mirror. More of that, please. Rhodes should change positioning of moves so he can admire them. More of him watching the screen post-match to see how great he is. Maybe give him a valet or assistant to hold up a mirror during matches so he can watch himself. It could become too cartoonish, but it needs that little bit more.

Dolph Ziggler winning the Intercontinental Championship was a smart move. The finish was odd since the distraction from Vickie didn't actually help him since Kingston never went for a pin. In fact, Kingston never would have hit Trouble in Paradise if Vickie had been a distraction on the outside for Ziggler. I want to like Ziggler more than I actually like him, sadly. He never really wows me in the ring.

Drew McIntyre, on the other hand, has been impressing me lately. He's been better on the mic and in the ring since that deportation/visa bullshit. His inclusion in the Rey/Kane stuff was odd, but worked out well. Aside from Rey doing his usual routine of getting the shit kicked out of him for ten minutes straight and then winning after hitting four moves. The more I watch Rey Mysterio, the more I don't believe him. I did like McIntyre attacking Rey's image as a hero by pointing out that he doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit him. Rey's insistance that various things weren't his business made me turn to Michelle and go "That's not Spider-Man's philosophy." Real heroes don't need it to be their business -- they make it their business.

I did enjoy LayCool outsmarting Teddy Long with their breakaway Women's Championship belt.

All in all, an alright episode, but nothing that blew me away. I do like them playing with the taped nature of the show and including music/videos in the promos more. When Rey first said the Undertaker's name and we got a quick flash of images, I wanted that to happen every time his name was said. Not really, but it would have made me laugh.

One question to end things: where was Jack Swagger? I missed him and his All-American ways.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE NXT 07.13.10

Oh, NXT, why are you so mediocre? For one thing, half of the episode seems to be killed with introductions and recaps of other stuff. Honestly, is there anyone watching NXT that doesn't watch Raw and/or Smackdown? (The correct answer is no... excluding any family/friends of people on NXT only, but they don't count/care about what's going on elsewhere.) So, once you get rid of the long, pointless introductions and entire segments that are nothing but recaps, you don't have a lot of time to really showcase people. This episode had one mixed tag match and it was... well, whatever. It confirmed for me that "Lucky" Cannon won't be going anywhere any time soon, something I already knew.

That left the "Showtime" Percy Watson Show/battle royal... both of which were underwhelming. Watson was nervous and didn't get much time to do anything. He speaks a little too quickly, but is entertaining. Him and the NXT rookies turning on MVP was lame since the pros were right there. They didn't take it in the natural place it was meant to, which was to then have the Nexus assist the rookies in taking down the pros. Instead, we had the pointless battle royal that was much too long without anything too interesting aside from the Miz eliminating himself to stay fresh for Money in the Bank. The Nexus beat people up... and then did it again. Somehow, they stopped the match when all of the Nexus remained and simply declared the group the winner of the match despite it being a fucking battle royal that wasn't a team match.

I have decided that I want Triple H to be the man behind Nexus and also be the anonymous Raw General Manager. His own little powerplay to take over the McMahon empire. Possibly with Stephanie at his side. Maybe him behind Nexus, her as the GM... Yes, that is what I want.

NXT this week... utterly forgettable and not very good.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 07.12.10

Some brief thoughts on last night's episode of Raw...

* I enjoyed the Nexus randomly beating up people backstage. While they don't work as a threat necessarily against a group of wrestlers, they work well in that seven/six-on-one situation.

* The Brady Bunch parody was surreal. And funny as hell.

* Randy Orton hitting the RKO on Evan Bourne mid-Airborne was fucking awesome.

* Mark Henry is a good choice to fill-in for R-Truth at Money in the Bank and the Miz didn't look too bad against him.

* The shit with Ted DiBiase, Maryse, and John Morrison was bad. None of them delivered on the mic. Maryse can talk, but she stuck to French, which kind of defeats the point.

* Eve was awful on commentary.

* Two Divas matches on a PPV? When was the last time that happened? I checked and the Royal Rumble this year had a Divas dark match in addition to the match on the show, but that doesn't count. It was Night of Champions a year ago and that's just because the gimmick of event calls for every title in the WWE to be defended. If we set that aside, I'm not sure there ever has been one since the Divas Championship was introduced at the Great American Bash in 2008. Without the titles, is there any reason to have more than one Divas match on a PPV? What's sad is that it's much more common for there to simply be no Divas match.

* The ending was decent, but didn't wow me.

Overall, a fine episode. A few high moments and a lot of standard fare.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 07.09.10

Some quick thoughts on last night's Smackdown:

* Drew McIntyre and Teddy Long opening the show was a good choice, but the execution was a little too goofy and stupid for my tastes. Both men handled it as well as they could. McIntyre's tone was fantastic at times.

* The threeway match for the Money in the Bank spot was pretty good, but I didn't like the finish. How did Dolph Ziggler win? MVP didn't tap nor was there the standard check to see if he was out that comes with the sleeper. The match needed some more heels, so Ziggler makes sense.

* The Kingston/McIntyre match was the best match McIntyre has been in so far. Maybe the recent shit and deportation has made him realise he needs to up his game.

* Christian taking out Matt Hardy when they were supposed to be tag partners was great. I thought they were going to fight each other at first and was a little disappointed that they were tagging together. Thankfully, they went this route. I expect a match between the two of them on next week's show.

* Man, Rey Mysterio is such an awful world champion. Nothing but getting his ass kicked. They overdid it so much with Jack Swagger that, if Mysterio even competes at Money in the Bank, it will look unrealistic. I wonder what they'll do with that.

* Who doesn't love "Dashing" Cody Rhodes? Morons, that's who.

* The final bit between Swagger and the Big Show was good, but I would have liked to see Swagger a little more in there.

Not an episode that inspires a lot of comments or opinions, but a solid show.

Monday, July 5, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 07.05.10

I wasn't sure what to expect heading into tonight's episode of Raw, but it was a pretty good show overall. There were some low lows, but, for the most part, I enjoyed it.

* I love how the heels attacked the faces when they went to attack the Nexus. You know what's more interesting than two forces fighting one another? Three forces fighting one another, particularly when one of those forces would be outnumbered by quite a bit and obviously don't have the strength/talent to stand on equal ground yet. The Nexus versus the entire Raw roster wouldn't work, because there's no way the Nexus would have a chance. Plus, this is more interesting. I never bought that united front bullshit.

* The red herrings that Stone Cold Steve Austin is the anonymous Raw GM are fun, but pointless.

* Maryse works so much better in a valet role than as a wrestler. Her in-ring talent is marginal, while her real appeal is in her personality and looks. Sticking her with Ted DiBiase works well. I kind of wish she kept Morrison's robe and had Ted toss a few bucks onto Morrison's body as payment.

* The Miz taking out R-Truth was good in its execution, but it does make me think we'll just have to have more of these two and, well, I'd rather see the Miz move on to bigger and better things.

* Chris Jericho and Edge in the ring talking? Always good. Though, their little discussion of Nexus makes it seem highly unlikely that Jericho is behind it all. I thought that might be the case and that, as a part of his plan, he's the one that got in Sheamus's ear that maybe the heels shouldn't play nice with the faces. Ah well.

* The tag match was pretty good.

* The Kozlov & Santino/Regal & Khali match was shit from beginning to end. Regal deserves better. But, he does work well as a pompous foil to the comedy duo of Santino and Kozlov. They just need to write it better.

* The Usos and Alicia Fox interviews both did the same thing: pointed out to me that no one actually cares about any of those people yet. Not exactly the goal, I imagine. The Usos are intriguing, but haven't done anything to make me care beyond teasing the idea of a decent match with the Harts. Alicia Fox asked the questions no Diva should ever ask: if anyone cares about her or the Divas Championship... she doesn't want to know the answer.

* The final segment with Cena and Barrett was good with Darren Young acting as the first Nexus casualty (aside from a guy whose name escapes me right now...). I was a little confused when we saw that the Nexus guys and the faces with Cena disappeared -- where did they go? But, Cena unleashed is good.

All in all, an enjoyable episode that advanced the Nexus story and continued to build to the PPV.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 06.28.10

I'll keep this brief since I didn't think much of tonight's Raw. Aside from the Nexus beatdown and the final match, the show was pretty forgettable. The opening delayed the ongoing story in a way that made me wonder what the rest of the episode would be like and if it could be good. The John Cena/Sheamus stuff was pretty bad with Cena overacting and being stuck with some really bad 'jokes.' The booking of their match at Money in the Bank came out of nowhere. I do think that Sheamus has really improved on the mic. He's really solid there.

The Ricky Steamboat appreciation segment/Nexuas beatdown was well done. The collection of legends was pretty random, but the attack was handled well. I do think that there wasn't much point in creating the stipulation that any Nexus member who attacks a WWE superstar will be fired/any WWE superstar who attacks a Nexus member will be suspended without pulling the trigger. It could have worked well if a few guys came out to defend the legends and got big pops for risking suspension to do so.

The final match was a solid build to the Raw Money in the Bank match. I imagine we'll get some variations on the men involved over the next couple of weeks leading to the PPV.

Really, though, I found the episode largely forgettable. I did like Rob Zombie's Lou Reed t-shirt, though.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 06.25.10

I missed Smackdown two weeks ago and was doing online things while watching last week's episode, so I didn't pay close enough attention to warrant any comments (even my brief, cursory sort). So, it's been a while since I talked Smackdown. This episode was solid overall. Lots of focus on in-ring action with the right amount of promo work mixed in.

* Teddy Long one-upping Drew McIntyre at the beginning of the show was great.

* The opening match was pretty good. I liked Jack Swagger's promo before it began. During it, Michelle and I got into our first Swagger-related debate: his win/loss record while champ. I thought he should have been booked stronger against the midcard talent he faced like John Morrison, Kofi Kingston, and MVP, while she thought that him winning all of those matches wouldn't make as much sense. I had no problem with Swagger dropping matches to guys like the Undertaker or Randy Orton since they're established main eventers and he was new to that level. However, his losses to the midcard guys were unnecessary. They shouldn't have been easy victories or anything, but I think Swagger should have won all of those matches. Show that the confidence he's gotten from being champ has made him better in the ring -- more determined and focused.

* The other argument was over the ankle lock finish. Michelle hated it and how the Big Show reacted, thinking that he needed to do more to get out of it, while I argued in favour of what happened. Michelle and I don't really argue, we're not one of those couples, but this was one of those rare times where it almost devolved into angry shouting. Because we have a good sense of perspective on matters... Some people will no doubt criticise them for having Swagger become more of a Kurt Angle copy, but I like that. Someone from Swagger's background would look to Angle as a person to emulate, so it makes sense. I just wish they would have gone in that direction sooner a bit more. Besides, I love the ankle lock. It's probably the submission move I see as the most effective given the mobility of the applyer, the pain it inflicts, and the difficulty in getting out of it.

* The six-man tag match was pretty typical stuff. Still not a fan of Hawkings and Archer. I like how they had the senior team win with the youngest guy taking more of the punishment, pushing the idea of experience winning out.

* The McIntyre/Hardy match didn't impress me as much as it did others. I found it to be a great argument for why more time doesn't necessarily equal better quality. Until it came back from its last commercial break, it was pretty slow and plodding. Shit we'd seen before. I also didn't like the placement of the Michinoku Driver variation from the top rope. That looked like a match-ending move and it was done very early into the match. I didn't buy Hardy kicking out. At all. It was a just the wrong place for that move and that kind of soured me on the rest of the match. The post-match visa shit with McIntyre made me wish that he had won only for Teddy Long to then inform him that he will be able to celebrate this victory with his family... IN SCOTLAND. It would have been a nice twist on the Powers That Be helping Drew after he loses.

* The Cody Rhodes promo was awesome. Dashing Cody Rhodes finally has character. It was great arrogant heel work, especially lines like "I can literally hear you getting fatter" and his mocking of Husky Harris. He even worked in his entrance of coming out backwards looking over his shoulder. It was really good and has me thinking that Rhodes is going places. I've liked his ring work for a while, but thought his character was lacking. This may be what he needs to get a decent midcard push.

* The more I see of Team LayCool, the more I love them. They're funny -- and the addition of Kaval as their NXT rookie just adds visual comedy anytime all three are together on screen.

* The final brawl between Kane and the Straight Edge Society was well done. The three-on-one bit kept things moving smoothly while making Kane seem unstoppable. CM Punk running away into the night was goofy as fuck, but whatever.

* I do have to question the decision to give Rey Rey the belt when he was going to miss the first TV taping after Fatal 4-Way because of a vacation. I'm a big believer that your world champion should be the focus of your show unless there's a good for otherwise. I criticised TNA heavily for not having RVD on last week's Impact (this week wasn't much better for him showing up very briefly). The world champ is the face of the company/brand/show and his absence should come with a good reason. But, that's me.

As I said, a solid episode. Not entirely sure where everything is going as we build to Money in the Bank, though. Probably the Swagger/Mysterio match, Kane/CM Punk, and the Smackdown MitB match? Seems solid enough. We'll see.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE NXT 06.22.10

Because of the NBA draft tomorrow night, the Score aired NXT a day early this week. Because of watching some Babylon 5 with Michelle, I came in fifteen minutes late. And, because of writing a comic review, I only payed attention to the matches really -- and the final segment since I finished the review. Something about NXT just doesn't capture my interest. Maybe it's knowing for sure that at least half of these guys will go nowhere. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Some brief random thoughts:

* Man, watching the Kaval/Eli Cottonwood match was like watching an argument for everything that's wrong with the WWE style of booking matches and wrestlers. On one hand, we have Kaval who fills matches with stunning offence that's innovative and fun to watch. On the other, we have a slow, plodding big man who doesn't do much except not fall down and do simplistic power moves like punches, chops, and slams. Kaval carried the match and gets the loss. I know, I know, wins and losses don't matter really, but, fuck, would it kill them to push the guy who can actually fucking wrestle? Is that too much to ask?

* Joe Hennig is solid in the ring. Not as good as Kaval, but definitely someone to keep an eye on.

* Cody Rhodes going over Luck Cannon made total sense. Cannon didn't look that good in there at all.

* The final segment was pretty solid with each rookie given 45 seconds to sell themselves to the fans and pros. Alex Riley was good. Kaval was okay. Titus O'Neil had some good passion. Hennig was short and sweet. Cottonwood seems genuinely creepy. Showtime was just funny. Cannon was dull. Husky Harris's attack on Striker worked with what Rhodes did last week.

It's odd to see rookie types wrestle WWE style in successive matches, because, fuck, that's a boring style when done by lesser talents. Kaval stood out this week. Hennig is solid. The rest, I don't know. As I said to Michelle tonight, I could really take or leave this show.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 06.21.10

I'm torn on tonight's episode of Raw as it did some things very well, others not as well, and the rest was just typical Raw bullshit. As always, any lack of a guest host is a good thing.

* The opening with Vince, Sheamus, and John Cena was strong. Vince is always good on the mic, but Sheamus really won me over. Michelle wasn't in the living room for the first bit of the show and came in asking what I was laughing at so hard. The answer: Sheamus and his little 'I don't want to win the title like that' fake-out. His delivery was very strong and shows he's really growing. I don't mind him as WWE Champion right now at all.

* I oddly hope that the anonymous General Manager is Triple H. For some reason, I'm very keen on the idea of Trips as GM to play up his McMahon connection (why not since it's common knowledge since that feud with Orton last year...), allow him to stay out of the ring somewhat, and keep him out of the title picture for the most part. That made me think that Vice was going to screw Sheamus out of the belt in the main event as payback for what he did to Trips back at Extreme Rules. But, this story is intriguing. I wonder if this is the last we'll see of Bret Hart. Probably not, but it would be weird if it were.

* Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne put on the best Raw match in a long time. The added stipulation that Jericho would leave the WWE if he lost had me genuinely worried since there are rumours of issues between Jericho and Vince backstage over Jericho hosting that Downfall gameshow (despite Jericho getting permission ahead of time). But, he and Bourne really put on a good show. Jericho won in a very Jericho fashion (outsmarting his opponent), while Bourne looked good in the process. After the match, Jericho helping Bourne up only to shove him back down was fantastic -- Bourne's reaction was great; he looked like he was about to cry. Raw was off to a very good start.

* Then, we got a taste of Natalya and Tamina in the ring and FINALLY some Divas that can actually wrestle. It's been far too long since we saw Natalya in the ring. I don't mind it too much when I think of the matches she's had with other Divas where she's obviously moving in slow motion so they can keep up. Sadly, we only got a taste of this before the NXT (or, it looks like, Nexus) guys came out.

* That Nexus promo was weak. The apologies were just awful, especially the over-the-top apology to the kids and parents. Wade Barrett's bit was the only good part.

* The Miz getting involved with the Edge/Randy Orton feud is interesting. Are Edge and Miz allies or did it just work out that way?

* Zack Ryder is a little mystifying regarding any push, but, as I told Michelle, he's easy to remember -- and standing out at all is half the battle. In the ring, his match with Morrison was average.

* The Cena/Sheamus match was solid. Not sure about Cena being so knocked about because of being thrown into the steps. That didn't fit exactly with what we've seen. The Nexus beatdown was just odd and tame compared to what we've seen. They teased Vince as the man behind it and, thankfully, didn't go in that direction. That final bit was a little too drawn out for me. It wasn't tense, it was boring.

All in all, the show started well, dragged in the middle, and had a small recovery at the end. Hopefully, we'll see more matches of the Jericho/Bourne calibre on Raw in the future, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Friday, June 18, 2010

Smarkass Comments: TNA Top Ten Rankings #2

Last night, the second round of Top Ten Rankings in TNA was revealed and some of the choices seem questionable to me. So, out of curiosity, I thought I would go over the guys listed in the first top ten and the guys in the new top ten to see what they actually accomplished in the ring over the past month. The first number (or UR for unraked) is the current ranking, while the number in parenthesis is their previous ranking. (Also, the top three contenders haven't been determined. They had a threeway last night to determine the #1 contender, but the match ended in a countout. Somehow.)

UR. Kazarian (#10)
* May 21 Impact: Won eight-man battle royal to earn the #10 spot after Kurt Angle gave up his spot.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Jay Lethal.
* June 3 Impact: Lost in a threeway match against Jay Lethal (winner) and AJ Styles (#2). Styles was pinned.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Kurt Angle.
Record: 2-2 (singles).
Thoughts: His only victories were early ones, including one against a guy who won a threeway featuring Kaz the following week and he lost at a PPV against Kurt Angle. He deserved to drop out of the top ten.

UR. Rob Terry (#8)
* May 21 Impact: Lost to Orlando Jordan.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Beat Desmond Wolfe (#7) and Orlando Jordan with Abyss (#5) in a tag team match.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Did not wrestle.
Record: 0-1 (singles); 1-0 (tag).
Thoughts: No big wins, lots of missed action because of an injury, he deserved to drop out of the top ten.

10. Kurt Angle (UR)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 10 Impact: Defeated Amazing Red.
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Kazarian (#10)
Record: 2-0 (singles).
Thoughts: Mostly nothing, but two wins including beating the #10 contender, so taking his spot makes sense.

9. Desmond Wolfe (#7)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Jeff Hardy (#3).
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Abyss (#5) and Rob Terry (#8) in a tag match with Orlando Jordan.
* June 10 Impact: Defeated Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5) in an eight-man tag match with AJ Styles (#2) and Beer Money, Inc. (Robert Roode and James Storm).
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Abyss (#5) in a Monster's Ball match.
Record: 1-1 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: Not sure Wolfe deserved to drop these two spots. He was split in tag matches, which aren't as important as singles matches. His singles win was over the #3 contender, while his loss was against the #5 contender at a PPV. This seems like a wash to me. No improvement, but no falling in the stats either.

8. "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero (#6)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Did not wrestle.
Record: None (injured).
Thoughts: Being injured sucks, but he should have been dropped until he could come back and prove himself worthy of a spot.

7. Jay Lethal (UR)
* May 21 Impact: Defeated Beer Money, Inc. in a tag match with Rob Van Dam (C)
* May 28 Impact: Lost to Kazarian (#10).
* June 3 Impact: Defeated AJ Styles (#2) and Kazarian (#10) in a threeway match by pinning Styles.
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jeff Hardy (#3), Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5).
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated AJ Styles (#2).
Record: 2-1 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: Two wins over the #2 contender means jumping into the top ten. I might have placed him even higher, maybe #6.

6. Samoa Joe (#9)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Rob Van Dam (C) in a fourway match with Sting (#1) and Matt Morgan.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Did not wrestle.
Record: 0-1 (singles).
Thoughts: Not much action except for a loss in a fourway. He didn't take the pin, though. He should have fallen or, at minimum, stayed where he was, not jumped three spots.

5. Sting (#1)
* May 21 Impact: Lost to Jeff Hardy (#3).
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Rob Van Dam (C) in a fourway with Samoa Joe (#9) and Matt Morgan.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Rob Van Dam (C)
Record: 0-3 (singles).
Thoughts: He should have fallen further after three losses, including a shot at the title.

4. AJ Styles (#2)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Mr. Anderson (#4).
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Jay Lethal in a threeway match with Kazarian (#10). He was pinned.
* June 10 Impact: Defeated Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5) in an eight-match tag match with Desmond Wolfe (#7) and Beer Money.
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Jay Lethal.
Record: 1-2 (singles); 1-0 (tag).
Thoughts: Two losses to Lethal, but one over Anderson along with the tag win. Dropping a couple of spots makes sense.

#3/2/1? Abyss (#5)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Orlando Jordan.
* June 3 Impact: Defeated Desmond Wolfe (#7) and Orlando Jordan in a tag match with Rob Terry (#8).
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), and Mr. Anderson (#4)
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Desmond Wolfe (#7) in a Monster's Ball match.
Record: 2-0 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: A winning record, including a PPV win means advancement.

#3/2/1? Mr. Anderson (#4)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2).
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Robert Roode.
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), and Abyss (#5).
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Beer Money in a tag match with Jeff Hardy (#3).
Record: 0-2 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: Wow, two losses including one to an unranked guy with his sole victory being a tag match -- albeit a PPV one. He deserved to drop some spots, not possibly be the number one contender. What the fuck is this shit?

#3/2/1? Jeff Hardy (#3)
* May 21 Impact: Defeated Sting (#1).
* May 28 Impact: Lost to Desmond Wolfe (#7).
* June 3 Impact: Defeated James Storm.
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jay Lethal, Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5).
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Beer Money with Mr. Anderson (#4).
Record: 2-1 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: A win over the number one contender is always a plus, but he did lose to Desmond Wolfe. Throw in a victory over James Storm and a PPV tag victory to overmatch the eight-man match, Hardy came out a winner this month.

Based on these numbers, about half of this list is right. Samoa Joe, Mr. Anderson, and the Pope stand out as the three guys who are ranked higher than they deserve, while Jay Lethal and Desmond Wolfe are ranked a little low. Were I to do the rankings, mine would probably look like this:

10. Rob Terry
9. Kurt Angle
8. Samoa Joe
7. Mr. Anderson
6. Desmond Wolfe
5. Sting
4. Jay Lethal
3. AJ Styles
2. Jeff Hardy
1. Abyss

Just a little different...