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Some Brief Thoughts on Fear and Loathing at Rolling Stone

2012-02-24T00:45:00.001-05:00

I finally finished reading Fear and Loathing at Rolling Stone, a book collecting Hunter Thompson's writing for the magazine, today. Before reading my thoughts, you should read Rory at Totally Gonzo's review of the book, because he sums up the biggest problem with it: namely theheavily edited versions of Thompson's writing that we get. Now, I can live with that more than he can, because I get the whole thing about wanting one book, size limitations, wanting to represent everything, etc., etc., etc. I think they would have been better off doing excerpts like Rory mentions, especially for the pieces already collected in other books. They did a decent job of this with the bit they took from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, because, honestly, you don't need to put much of that in here.

I only wish they'd done something similar with his 1972 campaign material. I wound up skipping over those pieces because I'm planning on rereading Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72 sometime this year like I do in every US election year. What we get here takes up about 150 pages of the book when, honestly, some choice excerpts at about a third of the space would have done nicely.

The main draw for me was the uncollected pieces he'd done for Rolling Stone. Stuff like "Polo is My Life," which hasn't appeared in any of his released books yet -- or that piece on the 2004 election. There isn't much that hasn't been collected somewhere ("Fear and Loathing in Elko" appears in Kingdom of Fear, I believe), but I'd hope that the material that can't be found in other collections appears unchanged. Probably not, though.

Despite these problems, I'd still recommend this book -- at least to someone who's just getting into Thompson's writing. His writing for Rolling Stone was something that shows where he was at almost every stage of his career, so this book functions as a sample at the very least. It may be chopped up, but, even in that state, it's still Thompson -- it's hard to hide his style and talent. If you want to read complete versions of the articles, there's always The Great Shark Hunt, Fear and Loathing: On the Campaign Trail '72, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Songs of the Doomed Better than Sex, and Kingdom of Fear.

I liked the introductions to each article/section of articles and the use of letters surrounding the article/section of articles. That was one thing Jann Wenner got right in his editing of the book and something that makes this a better book to give to first-time readers of Thompson. Because, honestly, that's who the audience is. There's the appeal of the odd thing that longtime readers haven't seen (unless they got the original issues of Rolling Stone), but, otherwise, it's a taster's menu of Thompson's writing throughout his career tied to one magazine.

Now, what I need is The Mutineer, something that has all of the "Hey Rube" columns not in the print collection, and the promised unreleased stuff...

Smarkass Comments: Randy Orton: Evolution of a Predator

2012-01-26T19:49:00.001-05:00

In December, I got Randy Orton: Evolution of a Predator and I'm amazed at how little mention I've seen of it online. It was one of the more DVD releases from the WWE in a while. Obviously, a Randy Orton DVD set isn't surprising: he's basically the #2 face in the company behind John Cena. You could maybe argue that CM Punk is #2 now, but I don't think so. Orton is at the point where's just over in a big way no matter what. That he hasn't had a DVD set yet is a surprise, honestly -- not as surprising as the set itself. It features a documentary on the first disc and two discs of matches, which is the WWE's most common way to structure these sets. The surprising thing is the content.

The main documentary feature presents two stories basically: the first is Orton's journey from Elimination Chamber 2011 to WrestleMania XXVII, while the second is the usual biography. The first part is interesting, walking the lines between the reality of working as a wrestler for the WWE and limiting the exposure to the scripted element of the company's product. We see Orton backstage before events, but never see any discussions of match construction, who's going over, or run-throughs (as I've heard are had for group matches like the Elimination Chambers). They keep that stuff off screen, instead presenting Orton like a 'real' competitor. They also show some of the media stuff he does and charity work, a few bits at home, stuff like that. One of my favourite moments in this portion of the documentary (it skips back and forth between this and the bio) is Orton discussing how difficult he finds media appearances and how much he's worked at it. Wrestling is stage performance, working for the live audience, and that means being over-the-top. Orton is fairly restrained usually, but still.

The bio feature is where I was surprised. The story is basically 'Randy Orton used to be an asshole and now he's not.' Showing wrestlers in a negative light isn't something new to WWE DVDs. How can it be with the antics of Roddy Piper, Ric Flair, the Ultimate Warrior, Hulk Hogan, and so many other wrestlers from the past? There's a big difference between showing the negative side of 'legends' and your #2 guy, though. Orton's attitude problems aren't news to the online smarks, but to the average viewer? To kids? You have Orton and pretty much everyone else they interview call Randy Orton a complete asshole up until a couple of years ago. You have John Cena saying that he hated Orton and that he was only kept around because he was good in the ring. The closest thing to someone saying something positive about Orton outside of the ring then is Triple H saying that Orton never acted that way around him because he knew that Trips would have had his head. A combination of talent and coming from a wrestling family kept Orton employed despite every story or quote telling us what a nightmare he was backstage.

One part of Orton's life that I'm very surprised they kept on the DVD is his time in the military. He joined the marines in 1998 and hated it. He hated the dehumanising culture of the military, but figured that, after basic training, things would get better. When they didn't, he went AWOL, figuring they'd come after him and throw him out. They didn't, so he returned, was told they didn't want to kick him out, and did everything he could to get out until they court martialled him and he served some time in military prison. Considering the WWE's close relationship with the US military, that they put this part of his life on the DVD is shocking. It paints the military as a place of bullying, a place where a guy like Orton was miserable because of the treatment he received. Obviously, you could make arguments that place the blame on Orton or that things have changed; except no one even comes close to that.

Basically, the honesty of the feature is surprising. They bury 80% of the time Orton was in the company, trash the military, and it makes for good viewing. It made me realise that Orton's career path is very much like Shawn Michaels's in compressed form: he came in, got a big ego, was a nightmare to work with, and, then, settled down a little with his family, realised his spot is secure, and focused more on delivering great matches. Some people have talked about how good Orton was in 2011, how he seemed more focused on in-ring performance than anything else, and I think doing this DVD helped. He was already heading in that direction and doing a project like this is the sort of thing that could have made him think more about his behaviour and spot in the company. He's over. He knows he's over, so why worry about titles and pushes? Why not just go out and deliver great matches?

***

I haven't watched a lot of the matches yet. I've skipped around a little and what really caught my eye was Orton's match against John Cena at Breaking Point in 2009. It was an "I Quit" match for the WWE Championship where Orton would lose the match and the belt if anyone interferred on his behalf. An "I Quit" match is where the only way to win is to make your opponent say "I quit." It's a step beyond a traditional submission match where the only way to win is to make your opponent tap out. Now, tapping out and saying you quit are, basically, the same thing, of course. The thinking is that actually saying you quit is worse -- something that's harder for wrestlers to do. Tapping out is ending the match, but saying you quit is to admit total defeat. It's an act of cowardice in a sense. At least, that's how I always viewed the distinction. And "I Quit" matches have slowly become John Cena's 'match.' Edge has TLC, the Undertaker and Triple H both have Hell in a Cell, and John Cena has "I Quit." His gimmick is one where he doesn't quit. He doesn't give up. He's never lost an "I Quit" match. Logically, any time he has to pick a stipulation for a match, you'd assume he'd choose "I Quit," but that would mean, like, nine of those a year. Still, you see Cena in one of these matches and you know who's winning.

Breaking Point was a PPV that only happened once and was based around submission matches. I've never seen the entire show and didn't hear anything really positive about it. It seemed like your average WWE PPV, either a little above or below average depending on who you talk to. A forgettable show. The Orton/Cena match didn't get a lot of praise either, but it's become one of my favourite matches after seeing it on this DVD set.

As a storytelling medium, the wrestling match is limited. The few times I've discussed wrestling with Tim Callahan, I would defend it, but he was always right in saying that comics have far more options for telling a story and communicating ideas. There are a lot of things wrestling matches can be about, but the most common, obviously, is violence. These are fights -- what else would they be about 99% of the time? Even when other stories are told, they're told through violence. Yet, wrestling doesn't often try to tell stories about violence in a meaningful way -- or to play with the concept of violence. Because it's such an integral part of the text, it rarely becomes subtext.

The Randy Orton/John Cena "I Quit" match is a story about the futility of torture. Because of that, it's actually a fairly unimpressing match on the surface. For 95% of the match, Randy Orton beats the living hell out of John Cena. He uses weapons, he uses handcuffs, and he delivers a ton of punishment. It's an incredibly one-sided match, especially once Orton pulls out the handcuffs and begin slowly torturing Cena. He toys with him by taunting him, by beating on him in a casual 'I can hit you, but you can't hit me' fashion before making it more serious. At one point, he hangs Cena from the ringpost by the handcuffs and hits him repeatedly with a Singapore cane, pausing in between the violence to see if Cena will quit. Once the handcuffs come out, it becomes a torture session where Orton uses violence to try and break Cena's will. Every time Cena refuses, Orton becomes more frustrated and responds with even harsher punishment. That continues until Cena finally escapes the cuffs and mounts an offence of his own. But, that's not enough, because Orton could still take control. It's only when Cena handcuffs himself to Orton and puts Orton in a submission move after Orton tries to obtain the keys (just barely out of reach) that Orton gives up almost immediately.

Orton barely took any punishment, especially compared to the amount of violence Cena endured. But, that's the point: this was a match where the violence didn't actually matter. It was a contest of wills where Cena's ability to stand up under torture eventually broke Orton. Once Cena got the upperhand, even briefly, Orton knew he couldn't win. He had brutalised Cena so much that more violence wouldn't do any good and his only option was to quit, because he knew he couldn't last that long. Orton is the coward who can dish it out, but can't take it -- at least not to the extent that Cena can. Orton tried to torture Cena into quitting and it backfired, and handed Cena a relatively 'easy' victory in how quickly Orton gave up when confronted with opposition. It's a surprisingly smart match with a story that goes beyond the usual sort you see in wrestling. A violent contest designed to make another person bend to your will where the message is that violence is ultimately futile at making someone bend to your will. Fantastic.

Books I Read in 2011

2012-01-01T23:33:00.003-05:00

Really, these are the books I finished in 2011. I read bits and pieces of other stuff, I'm sure. Books I began and never finished. Short stories from other books. Who knows. Offered without any comments since Tim Callahan said he just wanted to see the list and I'm not in the mood to do more. The included dates are when I finished reading the book in question...

1. The Curse of Lono by Hunter S. Thompson (January 12)
2. Sunset Park by Paul Auster (February 3)
3. A Lion’s Tale: Around the World in Spandex by Chris Jericho with Peter Thomas Fornatale (February 10)
4. Undisputed: How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps by Chris Jericho with Peter Thomas Fornatale (February 13)
5. after the quake by Haruki Murakami (March 17)
6. The Elephant Vanishes by Haruki Murakami (March 22)
7. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami (April 3)
8. Pinball, 1973 by Haruki Murakami (April 7)
9. Haruki Murakami’s The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle by Matthew Strecher (April 7)
10. Screwjack by Hunter S. Thompson (April 7)
11. Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman by Haruki Murakami (April 27)
12. Marshal Law: Origins by Pat Mills and Kevin O’Neill (May 7)
13. Inherent Vice by Thomas Pynchon (May 29)
14. Noah’s Turn by Ken Finkleman (June 15)
15. The Living Daylights by Ian Fleming (June 18)
16. Quantum of Solace: The Complete James Bond Short Stories by Ian Fleming (July 8)
17. Casino Royale by Ian Fleming (July 17)
18. Supergods: What Masked Vigilantes, Miraculous Mutants, and a Sun God from Smallville can Teach Us about being Human by Grant Morrison (July 28)
19. Et Tu, Babe by Mark Leyner (August 21)
20. Comfortably Numb: The Inside Story of Pink Floyd by Mark Blake (September 1)
21. Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell (September 17)
22. Eating the Dinosaur by Chuck Klosterman (September 25)
23. The Girl with the Long Green Heart by Lawrence Block (October 4)
24. Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs by Chuck Klosterman (October 13)
25. Fargo Rock City by Chuck Klosterman (October 22)
26. 1Q84 by Haruki Murakami (November 14)
27. Ghosts by Paul Auster (November 20)
28. The Locked Room by Paul Auster (November 25)
29. Invisible by Paul Auster (November 29)
30. Travels in the Scriptorium by Paul Auster (November 30)
31. Man in the Dark by Paul Auster (December 5)
32. The Velvet Underground and Nico by Joe Harvard (December 9)
33. Pretty, Pretty, Pretty Good: Larry David and the Making of Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm by Josh Levine (December 26)
34. The Visible Man by Chuck Klosterman (December 30)

Later

Smarkass Reviews: WWE Greatest Superstars of the 21st Century

2011-10-18T17:12:00.002-04:00

This may be the most puzzling WWE DVD I've gotten so far. Normally, I don't buy new DVD sets when they come out, preferring to wait until I can buy them cheaper used at some point, but I really wanted the Kurt Angle/Brock Lesnar Iron Man match. And I was in Detroit and spending American money, so it didn't seem like such an expense. Also, I already have the DVD sets for the '80s and '90s; there was an appeal in completing the set. Instead of doing a disc-by-disc review over three posts, I wanted to discuss the entire set, because never have I wondered more what the fuck they were thinking when putting together a DVD set.

There are 20 superstars chosen for the list (although, for the Divas, they spotlight them all even though it's Trish Status on the cover and in the sole Divas match included... still, they included a Divas match, which is suprising) and, for the most part, I agree with their choices. I tend not to get too bent out of shape over lists like this. The only change I would have made would have been to put CM Punk in Kane's spot. That's less a criticism of Kane and more about how much CM Punk did in the second half of the decade (Kane gets bumped because he's probably the weakest choice for the list; really, everyone else deserves the spot more). Now, the WWE could have kept Punk off the list to not ruin his 'Summer of Punk II' angle, but I doubt it.

The first disc contains a feature on the 20 superstars selected, mostly clips, old interviews, and some new comments from other wrestlers. It's not any different from the one they did for the '90s set and that's fine. It's a pleasant thing to watch. Not amazing, but fun, especially for a more casual fan like my girlfriend. It also gives a decent overview of the decade and some of the wrestlers that aren't in the company currently for whatever reason like Kurt Angle, Brock Lesnar, Eddie Guerrero, JBL, and Booker T (who is in the company, but not as a wrestler). What the first disc is missing is any bonus features like promo/non-match segments like the first disc of the '90s set included. You get an hour and forty minutes of the main feature and that's it. The lack of that extra material is noticeable and detracts from the set.

From there, we go to the matches and the first thing I noticed was that everyone on the list is represented... except for "Stone Cold" Steve Austin and Jeff Hardy. Neither man is featured in any of the matches. That's got to be an oversight, especially in Austin's case. It's kind of funny: both of those guys were popular/good enough to make the top 20 superstars of the past decade, but neither were worth showing in a match? Wow.

The second thing I noticed was that the final match included is from 2007. What about the final two years of the decade? Nothing noteworthy happened there? That's one of the reasons I would have liked to see CM Punk included on the list: they could have put his TLC match with Jeff Hardy from SummerSlam 2009 at the last match. It's a great match and would have gotten Hardy in a match.

The third thing I noticed was that there are a lot of non-PPV matches and this is something I really like. I know the 'big' matches happen on PPV usually, but PPVs are also on DVD already, while a lot of the stuff from Raw and Smackdown is not. Skewing the match selection towards the television stuff is a smart move. Seven out of twelve matches are from TV and that seems like a good ratio, especially for a set like this where they don't NEED to show any specific match. They can choose random throwaway matches that show two of the guys on the list and that's fine, and they seemed to approach the set with that mentality.

Except, that also meant we get some very strange selections like the third disc starting with two JBL WWE Championship defences... from two straight Smackdown-inclusive pay-per-views. Now, there is some logic to that decision since one matches is a Fatal Fourway and the other is Triple Threat with only JBL as the constant, but there's also the fact that all four men from the Fatal Fourway appear in other matches on the set, so it's not NEEDED to show any of them. The third disc is strange like that. Those two JBL matches come from December 2004 and January 2005 and, then, we get a Triple H/Edge match from February 2005. Later, we get two matches from February 2007 followed by one from April 2007. It's weird grouping that really overrepresents some specific periods.

Not a complaint at all, but something I would have liked to see: since the second disc has the Angle/Lesnar Iron Man match from Smackdown, the third disc should have had the hour-long Shawn Michaels/John Cena match from Raw (that match needs to be put on DVD). Right there, including those two matches would have made this set a must buy... although just including one pretty much made it so. EDIT (10/20/11): I just received the first three-disc Shawn Michaels DVD set and it has this match on it. So... uh... ignore me.

So, there were some odd decisions made in putting this set together, but how were the matches? Let's get to them now...

Match #1: WCW Championship Match - Booker T (C) vs. The Rock (SummerSlam, 08.19.01)
This was part of the whole Invasion storyarc and was a decent little match. Even though Kurt Angle had already won the belt for the WWE, the Rock winning it here was meant as a 'big' moment in the story -- and I guess it would be since, from there, only he and Chris Jericho would hold the title before it was unified with the WWE Championship to become the WWE Undisputed Championship. This match kind of blurs together from big spots, brawling on the outside, and attempts at interference. It was overbooked... I think a bigger moment might have been Booker T/Kurt Angle on Smackdown where Angle won the title.
Winner and NEW WCW Champion: The Rock [**3/4]

Match #2: Intercontinental Championship Match - Rob Van Dam (C) vs. Chris Jericho (Raw, 09.16.02)
This match also suffers from interference, which becomes a common theme. It's like, in choosing the matches, simply representing as many people as possible in the matches themselves wasn't enough, you also need lots of interference to give some guys more screen time. Or, it's a sign that the WWE is more like TNA than any of us want to admit. As you'd expect, an RVD/Jericho match is pretty good. Very quickly-paced with some inventive spots. This was back when RVD was capable of doing things you hadn't seen him do before and working with Jericho basically made that a necessity. I swear to god, he must stand backstage and go "Yeah, but we've seen that already..." to half the spots guys come up with when they're going over their match ahead of time. Because RVD was feuding with Triple H over the world title, he had to get involved and help Jericho win. It's weird to see Triple H and Jericho working together since I tend to view them as natural enemies. (It also happened in the first Elimination Chamber match. The girlfriend and I are in the middle of that DVD set, so it just happened that I saw two examples of the two of them working together around the same time.) A somewhat nice twist here is that Triple H only costs RVD the title because he's a distraction -- RVD spends too much time and energy beating on Trips and Jericho sneaks in and gets the Walls of Jericho on him. After the match, Triple H beat the shit out of RVD.
Winner and NEW WWE Intercontinental Champion: Chris Jericho [***]

Match #3: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Triple H (C) vs. Kane (Raw, 06.23.03)
This was the match that led to Kane unmasking, so that's the reason it's included here. Lots of interference from Ric Flair and Randy Orton to help Triple H retain the belt. Nothing really stands out aside from the paradox of Triple H as a heel needing lots of help to win matches, while Triple H as a face can win while withstanding tons of interference. I know, I know, that's all faces/heels; it stands out to me more with Triple H, because he seems so fucking useless as a heel. I couldn't help but laugh when Eric Bischoff came out, commanded Kane to take off his mask, and Evolution decided to just kick the shit out of Kane some more instead of letting him unmask.
Winner and STILL WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H [**]

Match #4: 60-Minute Iron Man Match for the WWE Championship - Kurt Angle (C) vs. Brock Lesnar (Smackdown, 09.18.03)
The reason for me buying this set -- and why you should as well. This is the entire match including everything that happened during commercial breaks. What I loved about watching this match was how it was so obviously geared towards the stipulation. The match that Angle and Lesnar have here couldn't have been had under ANY other stipulation. It was a story unique to the Iron Man match. Whenever a stipulation is used, I try to watch and see if the match could have been done as a regular match or under any other stipulation -- and, if it could, why bother with the stipulation? Lesnar ducking Angle until he just destroyed him with a chair was fantastic. He purposefully dropped one fall to make Angle so weak that he could pick up a few more. I liked how the first four falls were all won through different means: disqualification, pinfall, submission, and countout. That was a smart way to keep the match from not getting too boring/repetitive at the beginning as Lesnar picked up three quick falls on the completely wrecked Angle. Angle's comeback attempt fit the face/heel dynamic and played into Lesnar's arrogance. Once he got that first pin on the beaten Angle, he obviously assumed he'd won the match already. He assumed that simply destroying Angle with a chair would be enough for him to bank falls and win. That it did shows that the strategy paid off, but Angle put it in doubt. Because Angle had to come back from such a large deficit, the match was compelling throughout. I've heard people say that Iron Man matches drag because you can basically skip to the end where the falls matter more; by having Angle down so much, his comeback was spread out over a greater amount of time and kept the internet high. Simply waiting out the final minutes would mean you missed the insanity of him building momentum and making the comeback -- it wouldn't be nearly as sweet. Lesnar winning was the right call, because the comeback was TOO big to make... but Angle looked good in the process. It wasn't that Lesnar was a better wrestler, it was that he used a cheap (and brilliant) strategy to gain an 'unfair' advantage that even Kurt fucking Angle couldn't completely overcome. Fantastic match and well worth buying this set for.
Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar [****1/2]

Match #5: WWE Championship Match - Eddie Guerrero (C) vs. Rey Mysterio (Smackdown, 03.18.04)
The first disc ends with this nice little match. Guerrero had just won the belt, I guess, and this was a showcase match basically. Him and Rey just going out there and putting on an entertaining match where the crowd loved both of them. Because he's smart, Guerrero leaned into the heel role a bit, allowing Rey to be the babyface (even though Rey Mysterio is a heel and always has been a heel). Very good chemistry; nothing in this match blew me away, but it ran so smoothly that the entire thing just impresses. Post-match, Paul Heyman says racist things, hypes up the upcoming brand draft, and is fed to the Undertaker by Guerrerio and Mysterio. Good time for all.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Eddie Guerrero [***1/2]

Match #6: Fatal Fourway for the WWE Championship - JBL (C) vs. the Undertaker vs. Eddie Guerrero vs. Booker T (Armageddon, 12.12.04)
I liked the storytelling of this match. JBL didn't want the match to happen, because his Cabinet was banned from ringside and he figured there was no way he'd win. Guerrero and Booker T decided to work together to take out the other two. The Undertaker is unstoppable and the heavy favourite. Everyone taking turns punching JBL is always good fun as was the Guerrero/Booker alliance falling apart. The Undertaker was built as unstoppable and only lost because of interference from Heidenreich. That allowed JBL to sneak in and retain the title. Not an amazing match from a workrate perspective, but the storytelling was solid. The interference was kind of shitty, though. That's the big weakness in the construction of the match for me. It would have been better for Guerrero and Booker to work together again, take out 'Taker and, then, JBL picks up the pieces of their brawl to determine who will win. Interference is just lazy.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: JBL [**3/4]

Match #7: Triple Threat for the WWE Championship - JBL (C) vs. Kurt Angle vs. the Big Show (Royal Rumble, 01.30.05)
And now a match from the next PPV featuring Smackdown talent! Another JBL title defence where he sneaks out a victory! This match was less entertaining than the previous. The ending was even more stacked with interference and felt anticlimactic. It was weird to see Kurt Angle apparently afraid of the Big Show. I'm not sure I've seen bald Angle afraid of anyone before and it doesn't really work. Some decent spots with the Big Show, but a fairly uninteresting display all around.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: JBL [*1/2]

Match #8: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Triple H (C) vs. Edge (Raw 02.07.05)
This was the first Raw from Tokyo and the Japanese fans definitely give this a different feel. They're a lot quieter during matches -- but their appreciation of technical wrestling seemed to cause Trips and Edge to begin with a few minutes of chain wrestling and holds. It was unexpected and interesting to see (and a reminder that Triple H is better than a lot of people think he is). From there, it became a fairly typical match and ended with a ref bump and interference from Ric Flair and Batista. The post-match celebration continued to build the 'Batista/Triple H for the title at WrestleMania' story as he kept staring at the title until Triple H noticed and backed away.
Winner and STILL WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Triple H [***]

Match #9: Women's Championship Match - Lita (C) vs. Trish Stratus (Unforgiven, 09.17.06)
Trish Stratus's retirement match in Toronto and pretty decent. JR really sold the idea of the history behind this match with Stratus and Lita's past. Some of the spots were a little sloppy, but Lita eventualy gaining dominance and mocking Stratus worked really well. I'm not a fan of Stratus winning the title here since she was leaving. It was a crowd-pleasing moment, but it just meant that the belt was vacated and Lita won it back. Better to have Lita win via cheating and Stratus get the feel good moment after the match.
Winner and NEW WWE Women's Champion: Trish Stratus [**]

Match #10: Triple Threat to Determine WWE Champion John Cena's Opponent at WrestleManania 23 - Shawn Michaels vs. Edge vs. Randy Orton (Raw, 02.05.07)
The original plan for WrestleMania 23 was for Triple H to challenge Cena, but those plans got blown to hell along with Trips' quadricep. So, we're left with his DX partner and the tag team DX has been feuding with. The match had a basic story: Rated RKO doubleteam Michaels until eventually imploding and allowing Michaels to win. It was fine for what it wanted to do, but isn't anything special.
Winner: Shawn Michaels [**1/2]

Match #11: John Cena, Shawn Michaels, Batista & the Undertaker vs. Randy Orton, Edge, MVP & Mr. Kennedy (Raw, 02.15.07)
One of the more puzzling inclusions on the DVD since this isn't a good match. It's not bad either. It's exactly what you'd expect from an eight-man tag where one team are the four men in the two World title matches at WrestleMania. The heels dominate someone, he makes the hot tag, the faces come back, there are some big moves, the faces win. They did change it up a bit with the Undertaker and Batista turning on Michaels and Cena after the match was over. Whatever.
Winners: John Cena, Shawn Michaels, Batista & the Undertaker [**1/4]

Match #12: World Heavyweight Championship Match - Batista (C) vs. the Undertaker (WrestleMania 23, 04.01.07)
My second time seeing this match and it continues to underwhelm me. I just don't get why people like it so much. It seems like it's missing the final third for it to be really great. Batista takes it to the Undertaker, the Undertaker comes back, Batista regains control, the Undertaker makes a big counter and wins. Some spots felt forced and contrived and neither man seemed to get out of second gear. I like how there weren't any slow parts. It was constant action and energy... it still doesn't cohere for a great match.
Winner and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker [***1/2]

And then the DVD is over. Apparently the decade ends at 2007. It's a strange set. It's worth it for the Iron Man match alone and a few others that are a lot of fun -- or for the simple novelty of TV matches not available on DVD. Mostly just a confusing DVD set for some odd decisions by the WWE.

Curb Your Enthusiasm Season Eight Episode Reviews

2011-09-13T00:16:00.002-04:00

I reviewed every episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm season eight over on 411mania and here are the links:

Episode 1 (The Divorce)
Episode 2 (The Safe House)
Episode 3 (The Palestinian Chicken)
Episode 4 (The Smiley Face)
Episode 5 (Vow of Silence)
Episode 6 (The Hero)
Episode 7 (The Bi-Sexual)
Episode 8 (Car Periscope)
Episode 9 (Mister Softee)
Episode 10 (Larry vs. Michael J. Fox)

Enjoy.

Smarkass Reviews: SummerSlam 2009

2011-07-14T17:54:00.002-04:00

It's been a long time since I posted anything here. No good reason for that other than laziness, I suppose. I've been tempted to write about some music, movies, DVDs, books, and so on... but haven't. Shit. Ah well. I'm back and, hopefully, this is something that will continue on beyond this one review of a two-year old WWE PPV that I watched for another purpose completely. However, I have been doing a lot of writing lately for 411mania, including new weekly reviews of Curb Your Enthusiasm season eight. The season premiered this past Sunday, so I've only had one review up. Still, check out my twitter feed for links to future reviews and other writings I do around the internet.

Anyway...

SummerSlam 2009. I got this on DVD for five bucks at Wal-Mart. I haven't seen any cheap PPVs on DVD there since I got this back in the winter, which sucks. Sure, when I have no money, they have many $5 DVDs; when I have money, they dry up. Bullshit. I hadn't actually seen this show before. It came after the local bar where I used to watch WWE PPVs stopped showing them and I realised that going to the movie theatre to watch them was too expensive to do on a regular basis (now, it's not so much a cost thing as a conflict with my work schedule -- though, I will be seeing Money in the Bank on Sunday, because I arranged for the person who works after me on Sunday nights to come in an hour early -- something I've done once before and would like to only do rarely if possible). So, this was all new to me.

Match #1: WWE Intercontinental Championship Match - Rey Mysterio (C) vs. Dolph Ziggler
A strong opening match that reminds me of how motivated Rey was in 2009. Hot off his feud with Chris Jericho and before his 411 'free TV match of the year' with John Morrison, he feuded with Dolph Ziggler over the IC belt and, surprisingly, didn't drop it at all. Here, Mysterio did some pretty cool things that he doesn't bust out all of the time and Ziggler was very responsive, lending himself to some inventive counters. Honestly, this is one of the best Ziggler matches I've seen (before or since). He looked in command and wasn't doing his usual routine as much. It's like, in the wake of the Jericho/Mysterio stuff, it wasn't possible to do the same ol' thing with Rey Rey. This has me curious to see their previous match at Night of Champions.
Winner and STILL WWE Intercontinental Champion: Rey Mysterio [***1/2]

Match #2: Jack Swagger vs. MVP
Remember this feud? It did absolutely nothing for either man and never delivered the sort of match you would expect from the two. This didn't get the necessary time, so it was like watching a highlight video of the full match.
Winner: MVP [**]

Match #3: WWE Unified Tag Team Championship Match - JeriShow (C) vs. Cryme Tyme
The pre-match promo by Jericho was arrogant heel at its best. I remember being so disappointed when Big Show was selected to replace Edge, but, in retrospect, it worked out quite well. Just standing in the ring, these two looked like a team that couldn't be beaten. Technical wrestling at its best and a motherfucking giant! The only thing I remember about the feud with Cryme Tyme was JTG beating Jericho on Smackdown in the run-up to SummerSlam. I didn't like that only because of the way it happened -- I think JTG got in a quick pin after Jericho went for a cover under the ropes and I didn't think that fit with Jericho's character who is far too ring savvy to do something that stupid. Otherwise, I didn't mind JTG getting the win. Jim Ross(!) mention how the Road Warriors won their first WWE Tag Titles at SummerSlam was a nice bit of info that fed into Cryme Tyme never winning any belts. The match itself was decent. Typical Cryme Tyme pattern: JTG gets beat down until making the hot tag to Shad, but they added in a bit with Shad getting beat down only to make the hot tag that changed things up enough. The combination of the Walls of Jericho and the Knockout Punch was a good finish.
Winners and STILL WWE Unified Tag Team Champions: JeriShow [**1/2]

Match #4: Kane vs. the Great Khali
You don't always notice how good Kane is in the ring, but stick him next to the Great Khali and you suddenly can't help but notice how agile and skilled he is. His style doesn't lend itself to impressing fans often, unfortunately. However, he carried this piece of shit of a match. It wasn't good, but it could have been a lot of worse. All of the good parts were because of Kane with Khali looking sluggish and awkward at even the simplest of moves. I must admit, though, that I always enjoy the 'big man tries to Chokeslam another big man only to be goozled by his opponent in return' exchange.
Winner: Kane [1/2*]

Match #5: Degeneration X vs. Legacy
I completely forgot that this was the beginning of the final DX reunion. I have a big soft spot for DX and rather enjoy goofy Shawn and Trips. A lot of people hated their previous reunion along with this one, but I found both entertaining. It's hard not to like two guys who are obviously just having fun goofing around with one another. This match had a really good story: DX hadn't teamed for a long time and Michaels had been out of the ring since WrestleMania, so they couldn't keep up with Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes who had been teaming for two years at that point. Most of the match was DX not getting on the same page, while Rhodes and DiBiase used the most basic of tag team tactics to destroy the veterans. It's surprising how dominant Legacy looked here, countering almost every effort at a comeback Michaels and Triple H could come up with until Trips managed to take out DiBiase on the outside, breaking the rhythm of the duo. There was one spot where Rhodes and DiBiase tag each other in and out every five seconds, just stomping on Trips (or Shawn... I forget) in the corner, making the tag, stomping, tag, stomping, tag, etc. Once the two weren't able to make frequent tags and take advantage of double-teams, things fell apart a little and, eventually, Michaels won the match with Sweet Chin Music that came as a last resort. DX needed to win in their first match back together, but it wasn't a victory that made Legacy look bad. If anything, Legacy came out of this looking great. That wouldn't last, but, right here, it was hard not to look at those two as the best tag team in the WWE.
Winners: Degeneration X [***3/4]

Match #6: ECW Championship Match - Christian (C) vs. William Regal
This wasn't a match with Christian immediately hitting the Killswitch and winning before Regal could take his robe off. Disappointing given how good a match between these two could have been. Why not drop Kane/Khali and give the people something halfway decent?
Winner and STILL ECW Champion: Christian [N/R]

Match #7: WWE Championship Match - Randy Orton (C) vs. John Cena
Watching this match, I couldn't help but admire Randy Orton's skill and concentration. People didn't like him a lot around this period, but are loving him now. How else would he get so good in the ring besides this long period of slow, methodical in-ring movement? I can't imagine how much extra effort it took to always be so slow, so expressive. When he finally turned face, he sped up considerably and you can see him mastering this style in matches like this. The match itself was good until the string of false finishes and restarts that were just plain fucking goofy. I am glad that Orton won in the end, because that's the way it needed to go down: Orton does everything he can to cheat his way to victory only to have it taken away and he still wins (albeit through a different type of cheating). The final five minutes or so of this match killed it, though. Absolutely killed it.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Randy Orton [**1/4]

Match #8: TLC Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship - Jeff Hardy (C) vs. CM Punk
Ah, the beginning of the Straight Edge Saviour character... is there a better foil for CM Punk when he's playing up his Straight Edge lifestyle than Jeff Hardy? The drugged out fuck up who is more loved than Punk? With Hardy on his way out, the ending to this match was easy to see, but the two men still brought it. Their early work on the outside was rather good with some smart counters and cool moves. The dive off the ladder was insane (though, I could have done without them trying to take Hardy out on a stretcher just so he could get off and prove how 'extreme' he is). The Superplex onto the ladder looked far more painful for CM Punk with Hardy placed to land dead centre, while Punk hit the edge. The finish was good with Punk using kicks to get the advantage on the top of the ladder. The lights flickering as a cue to Punk to make sure Hardy was in position for the Undertaker switch was interesting -- and Punk played that perfectly. A strong ending to the show.
Winner and NEW WWE World Heavyweight Champion: CM Punk [****]

Overall thoughts: A lot of quality in this show. Take away the Kane/Khali and Christan/Regal matches and everything was, at the very least, okay. Three matches were very good, even approaching great, and the rest had their moments. Not a classic show, but one well worth checking out if you have the chance.

Rating: 8.0 (out of 10)

Smarkass Reviews: Brock Lesnar: Here Comes the Pain

2011-04-04T20:50:00.001-04:00

I can't remember exactly when I stopped watching wrestling. Sometime in 2000/2001, I think. Nothing specific made me stop, just a general feeling that it was the same old shit over and over again, and I wasn't going to waste my time with that. I never stopped liking wrestling, but I had no interest in it either, if that makes sense. I'd sometimes check it out and enjoy it only to forget about it the next day. I could enjoy watching it when I watched it, I didn't have the desire to watch it. I didn't get back into it until late 2007. So, there's a nice gap there where I missed out on a few things: Evolution, the rise of John Cena, the Invasion storyline, the Smackdown Six, and Brock Lesnar. I have a pretty strong fascination with these things that I missed out on and that led me to getting a copy of the only Brock Lesnar DVD the WWE put out: Here Comes the Pain. It's still a little insane to me that I could miss out on someone like Lesnar, but he was only in the WWE a short time. Everything else I missed, I still had some reference points from either before or after my period of not watching wrestling. I saw the Smackdown Six before they turned that show into a weekly wrestling clinic. I knew Triple H and Ric Flair, and came to know Randy Orton and Batista. I missed the rise of John Cena, but have watched him on top for over three years now. For Lesnar, there's nothing like that. He came and left when I wasn't watching. His matches haven't shown up on many of the DVDs I've purchased (besides this one and the WrestleManias I have, I think he only shows up on The Best of Smackdown (and not wrestling) and The History of the WWE Championship). He's pretty much a mystery to me beyond stories I've heard or things I've read.

This DVD was released at the same time as a VHS version that contained only the hour-long documentary feature. Thankfully, the DVD contains some matches. But, this also only covers up until its release in 2003, so it's not exactly a great overview. For my purposes, it did its job and gave me a good glimpse of the Next Big Thing. I watched the matches first since I knew Michelle would want to want the documentary feature and she wasn't able to until the evening.

Match #1: #1 Contender for the WWE Undisputed Championship Match - Brock Lesnar vs. "Hollywood" Hulk Hogan (Smackdown, 08.08.02)
Not so much a match as a slaughter and a way to make Brock Lesnar seem unstoppable. Put him up against one of the biggest icons in the business and just kill him. Not that Hogan didn't get some shots in, hitting some boots to the face and a leg drop that Lesnar got to kick out of, but any offence by Hogan was there for the purpose of Lesnar overcoming it and, then, killing Hogan. There was also the story of Lesnar hurting himself with his overconfidence, his playing to the crowd, and taking too much time to gloat. It's a theme that crops up a little bit in the other matches. Given that he's only debuted five months previously, he was still a newcomer and that overconfidence after such dominance made sense. The finish of the F5 and, then, the Brock Lock bear hug was the capper. He could have won with the F5 but wanted to utterly destroy Hogan. He even want back and nailed him with a chair after the match. Like I said, not a technical masterpiece, but it does the job of making Lesnar look like an unstoppable monster.
Winner: Brock Lesnar [**]

Match #2: WWE Undisputed Championship Match - The Rock (C) vs Brock Lesnar (SummerSlam, 08.24.02
I watched this match a few months ago on The History of the WWE Championship DVD set, but rewatched it here with Michelle since she hadn't seen it, and I thought it would be a good intro to Lesnar -- and she's been digging the Rock lately because of his involvement with the WWE, so that's an added bonus. Like her, I love the beginning with the Rock laying the belt down, doing a little jogging on the spot to mimic Lesnar in the ring, and then sprinting to kick the crap out of this young punk. Some good storytelling here with the involvement of Paul Heyman. Lesnar was the monster heel that doesn't need to cheat to win... but does anyway. I love the dominant heel, because that gets better heat than the regular chickenshit variety. There's satisfcation in seeing a chickenshit coward heel get his comeuppance, but that pales in comparison to a face finally besting a heel that is legitimately better than everyone else. You hate that sort of heel not just because he's a heel, but because he's right when he says he's the best and you can't deny it. Heyman helping Lesnar isn't necessary for Lesnar to win, it gets him over even more. Here, the Rock kept coming back from whatever Lesnar gave him, even controlling a big part of the match. He made sure that Lesnar didn't just steamroll over him, Lesnar earned the win here by kicking out of a Rock Bottom, delivering his own (B)Rock Bottom, and an F5 to put the Rock away. Lesnar looked decent here, but the Rock carried this a bit for me. His mannerisms and selling made Lesnar look so much better. This is how a first-time WWE Champion should look when he wins.
Winner and NEW WWE Undisputed Champion: Brock Lesnar [***1/2]

Match #3: Hell in a Cell Match for the WWE Championship - Brock Lesnar (C) vs. the Undertaker (No Mercy, 10.20.02)
There were some problems with this match like the on-and-off psychology surrounding the Undertaker's supposedly broken right hand. It came into play quite a bit, but was conveniently forgotten any time the Undertaker had to, you know, use his hands. Still, this match had a lot going for it and I couldn't help but get swept up in the spectacle and emotion of it. Lesnar getting nervous quickly about being trapped was a great touch to play on his inexperience and that panic a rookie might feel in the same situation, WWE Champion or not. Paul Heyman's involvement really helped here with his constant comments and shouting, the spot with the Undertaker ramming him into the cage by pulling his tie through an opening, and, then, him holding the belt that Lesnar tied around the Undertaker's hand while Lesnar hit it with a chair. Heyman added that extra flavour as a cheerleader. Between Lesnar and the Undertaker, they managed to craft a good match by playing into the psychology of the veteran/rookie confrontation. Any time Lesnar got the upperhand, he would make some stupid mistake like gloating too much and the Undertaker would take advantage. Still, Lesnar was quicker and stronger and wouldn't stay down. The blood was just... nasty. The Undertaker was gushing blood. I told Michelle she would have hated it since she's not a blood fan and seeing the Undertaker so covered is shocking. Honestly, this match is a good argument for the use of blood since it came at the right time (Lesnar split open early on but not too bad) to ramp the match up that extra bit. I'd never seen the Undertaker this bloody, this seemingly broken down, and that made Lesnar look that much better. He did that to the Undertaker and that's almost better than winning the match. Plenty of people have beat the Undertaker -- how many made him such a mess? How many left his face covered with blood? This match made Lesnar for me.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar [****]

Match #4: WWE Championship Match - Kurt Angle (C) vs. Brock Lesnar (WrestleMania XIX, 03.30.03
This match suffers from the finish. That's fucking brutal to watch and killed any enthusiasm/enjoyment I had until then. Up until the finish, this was the strongest wrestling match on the DVD so far. Angle and Lesnar trading amateur wrestling holds at first until Lesnar couldn't quite keep up and went to a more power-based game, something Angle couldn't best him at. That put over both men: no one can touch Kurt Angle on the mat, but even Angle can't stop the monster than is Brock fucking Lesnar. Angle used every fucking hold he could think of and Lesnar always got out, and planted Angle on the mat. Very good story that showcased both men excellently. The finish with Lesnar hitting a second F5 and victory just a pinfall away only for him to attempt a Shooting Star Press with Angle 2/3s of the way across the ring is awful to watch. Lesnar doesn't even come close to making it after his legs buckle a little bit. It was a stupid thing to try with Angle so far away. I'm not sure what the finish was meant to be (probably him winning after hitting that) and the announcers tried to play it off as Angle rolling out of the way. Anyway, Lesnar wound up winning and looked so fucking out of it. He and Angle shaking hands to end the show was a nice moment, not one that could overcome the Next Big Thing falling flat on his face, though.
Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar [****]

Match #5: Stretcher Match for the WWE Championship - Brock Lesnar (C) vs. the Big Show (Judgment Day, 05.18.03)
The first modern Stretcher Match apparently. I've only ever really liked one Stretcher Match and that was Batista/Shawn Michaels at Extreme Rules 2008. Chris Jericho's involvement helped make that match damned entertaining with Batista killing Michaels and Jericho not letting the Animal actually win until Michaels ate far more punishment. This one had the interesting story of the Big Show being too big for a stretcher. The spot with Lesnar using a lighting/tv cable to choke the Big Show out and, then, it preventing him from getting the Big Show across the line on the stretcher was good. The finish with the forklift was just ridiculous. Stupid and entertaining at the same time. This was more a fun/throwaway match than a good one.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Brock Lesnar [**1/2]

Match #6: WWE Championship Match - Brock Lesnar (C) vs. the Big Show (Smackdown, 06.12.03)
Included for the finishing spot of Lesnar Superplexing the Big Show off the top rope and the ring collapsing. That's pretty awesome to see no matter how many times you do. Everything before that was pretty average and forgettable.
Result: No contest [**]

The documentary provided some background on his life pre-WWE and, then, basically went into little rundowns of his big feuds/matches with some commentary from the likes of Paul Heyman, Michael Hayes, Kurt Angle, Big Show, Gerald Brisco, and others thrown in. It was kind of funny to watch since they kept shifting between discussing things in reality and kayfabe. It was a weird blending of the two. The matches they chose definitely complemented what we saw here, though I wish they'd given us the Lesnar/Cena match from Backlash. I would say that if I'd rated the matches above after watching this documentary stuff, I would have rated them all a little higher, that's how well they talked things up. Entertaining. What it really missed was Lesnar. After his pre-WWE time was covered, he didn't add anything, and that's a shame. I always like hearing what guys have to say about their matches.

We get, basically, the first year of Lesnar's career here and he shows a lot of skill and potential to be great. I don't know how much further he developed in his remaining time with the WWE, but he definitely could have progressed to be one of the greats. He had speed and strength, some solid mat-wrestling foundation, and a fantastic look. I hope the WWE eventually does a set that covers his entire career with them, because I'd like to see more of his work.

Pearl Jam!

2011-03-16T17:18:00.006-04:00

Hi!

Well, I was just reading Chad's post and I figured that I had a bit of time to kill right now and what better way to spend it than to write a quick post on our blog (on which I have written so little!).

I am not one to purchase CDs in general. It's not that I download music either, it's just that I'm usually content to either listen to what music I already have or to just have the radio on (yes, among other things I am a top 40 kind of gal). For a long time now, I have enjoyed Pearl Jam and get really into their music whenever I hear it on the radio, but have never gotten around to buying any of their albums. We were at Best Buy the other day and I happened to see one for 9 bucks, so I bought it. After listening to it, I finally understood something that I could never truly comprehend before. I just simply wanted (and still want) to own every single Pearly Jam album in existence! Maybe I'm just weird, but I don't often get too excited about new things coming out by an author or artist or actor, etc. that I really like and I figure that at some point I may get it, but if I don't, I'm not going to be upset or probably think twice about it. But this Pearl Jam CD, Vs. (their second), I really just love it so much and it's not even just that the music itself is so good, but it reminds as to how much their other earlier music kicks ass and how much I want to listen to that, too. I don't know a lot of their music that hasn't been on the radio, but I'm excited to find out about it.

Would anyone have a suggestion on what they think is their best album/the one that I should pick up next?

The Charm: The Samoa Joe/CM Punk Trilogy

2011-03-09T20:43:00.001-05:00

It's been a while. Sorry about that.

I recently purchased a couple of Ring of Honor DVDs. The first was last year's "Death Before Dishonor VIII," largely considered the best wrestling show of 2010. The other was the "Allied Forces" release. From what I can tell, that's a pretty typical (I haven't watched it yet) and not one that would jump out as worth buying if you haven't bought any ROH DVDs before. Except, it's got a bonus disc featuring the 2004 trilogy of matches that Samoa Joe and CM Punk had for the Ring of Honor World Title. I've heard about this trilogy since I got back into wrestling and the chance to have it all was very hard to pass up. It's my first real experience with ROH aside from a few matches I've seen online... but I'm a sucker for great wrestling trilogies.

Match #1: ROH World Title Match - Samoa Joe (C) vs. CM Punk ("World Title Classic" Dayton, OH 6/12/04)
I loved the early pacing of this match, the way that the two men would lock up, exchange some holds and strikes, and, then, break apart for a breather. The announce team talked a lot about Punk using a rope-a-dope style against Joe, taking a lot of punishment to wear the big man out, and it was clear that this was structured as a boxing match initially with the concept of rounds. It was an effective way to build the match. One thing I didn't like was, around halfway through, the announcers started talking about hour-long matches. Christ, talk about giving it away, gentlemen. I know we all know now that this was a one-hour broadway, but it really spoils the mood of the match. The way things progressed from round to Punk usually as the one taking the breather to Joe taking it to him on the outside was good. It felt organic; Joe recognised what Punk was doing and was having none of it. The second half of the match was start and stop, but in a different way: it became not so much rounds but fits of action followed by fits of exhaustion by both men. The effect was similar in pacing, not in impact and storytelling. It was like neither man had the energy to really finish the job after a certain point, hoping that each last-ditch strike would just knock the other guy down long enough to get the win. Punk hitting the Pepsi Plunge and falling out of the ring was a nice tease. I really loved the way they paced this.
Result: One-hour time-limit draw [****1/4]

Match #2: ROH World Title Match - Samoa Joe (C) vs. CM Punk ("Joe vs. Punk II" Chicago Ridge, IL 10/16/04)
This match built on the first one with Punk using headlocks again to wear down Joe, but not taking the 'rounds' or 'rope-a-dope' approach, instead using the same offence he did in the first match with a lot more aggression. He didn't try to wear down Joe by taking punishment and tiring Joe out, he tried to wear him down by just kicking the shit out of him and cutting the blood flow off to his brain as much as possible. Punk owned the first half of this match with Joe unable to make any comeback stick. Punk used his speed and brains to counter everything Joe tried and stuck to his aggressive offence. And that didn't work. Joe took it all and, oddly, Punk was the one who was worn down. He just went too hard against Joe, allowing Joe to take over. What hurt Joe was his overconfidence. It's like after taking all of that punishment, he assumed that Punk would not win, that victory was guaranteed, and delivered a lot of slow, cocky offence. It was an entirely different type of match with Joe almost becoming a heel with his lazy covers and hamming it up as he beat down on Punk. Since this was in Punk's hometown, Joe leaning into a heel role made a lot of sense and he pulled it off. From there, it became a more traditional wrestling match that echoed the last part of their first match, except with more desperation. Each man tried whatever he could to take the other out, seemingly afraid of another draw. When it happened, both men looked defeated. Punk because he couldn't capture the title, Joe because he couldn't retain the title by defeating his opponent -- to this point, Joe had been a dominant champion, ROH's greatest champion, and a draw may have meant he kept the belt, but it wasn't a win.
Result: One-hour time-limit draw [*****]

Match #3: ROH World Title Match - Samoa Joe (C) vs. CM Punk ("All Star Extravaganza II" Elizabeth, NJ 12/4/04)
This match was no time limit and Punk's final shot at the title. Again, this was as much about putting on a good match in and of itself as it was building on and responding to the previous matches. Punk went for the headlocks and Joe continually countered, leaving him a little stumped on what to do. So, he got in Joe's head with a fantastic bit surrounding chops to the chest where Punk delivered this weak little nothing of a chop and got in Joe's face, so, when Joe went for his chop, Punk ducked and was able to get the headlock on. Punk still wanted his regular strategy, but got there with head games. But, Joe splitting open Punk was a big point of divergence and allowed Joe to dominate a lot of the match, reversing things a bit. Punk tended to go for the headlocks and sleepers, hoping to wear down Joe. But, with Punk split open, Joe attacked the head and looked more for wins based around Punk losing consciousness. I loved Joe just headbutting Punk in the corner, leaving Joe with this bloody mark on his forehead from Punk's cut. It's not that Joe would never go for a choke hold, it's that this was more Punk's strategy and Joe took it over well, just beating down Punk, making him lose blood. A big sign that things were different in this match was the first attempt by Joe to go for the Ole Ole kick in the corner -- he hit it. Something that hadn't happened in the first two matches. In the second one, he eventually hit it, but not on the first try. It was a nice reversal with Punk looking like the guy trying to survive and stay on his feet after two matches where that was Joe. There was a spot where I thought the finish might have worked better as they exchanged quick pinfalls, but the finish of Joe choking Punk out, stopping his breathing, was a good one and played off Joe's different strategy here. While just over half the length of the previous two matches, this one held its own, creating a lot of spots that built on the first two to make a unique match.
Winner and STILL ROH World Champion: Samoa Joe [****]

Everyone was right. A trilogy of three amazing matches, each building on what came before. A good sign is when you know the result (and I did for all three) and the match still surprises you and draws you in. It's worth buying Allied Forces just for this disc.

Smarkass Reviews: WWE The Bash 2009

2011-01-11T11:05:00.001-05:00

One of the two more recent WWE PPVs that I got at Wal-Mart for five dollars each, the Bash also has the distinction of being the first PPV I didn't see at the time after a long string of seeing all of them. I think I'd seen every PPV since missing Armageddon in 2007. My former roommate, Adam, and I (and others) would go to a local bar that showed the PPVs, a tradition I continued after Adam left town. That was until certain circumstances prevented the bar from showing PPVs anymore. The last one Michelle and I saw there was Backlash '09 and, then, we saw Extreme Rules '09 at a local movie theatre. But, for the cost, it didn't seem worth it except for specific PPVs that looked like they would be worth it. So, that meant missing the Bash that year and, now, I've finally seen it. Was it worth the wait?

Match #1: Championship Scramble for the ECW Title - Tommy Dreamer (C) vs. Christian vs. Jack Swagger vs. Finlay vs. Mark Henry
I actually like the Championship Scramble match concept: you start with two guys and, then, every five minutes, another wrestler enters the match until the fifth one comes in. After that, a five-minute countdown starts until the end of the match. At the end of the match, whoever scored the last pinfall or submission is the champion. Technically, after you've scored a pinfall or submission, you're considered the current champion (but it's not an official reign). It's a cool idea and leads to some interesting moments like the WWE Championship Scramble match where The Brian Kendrick was the champ for a few minutes. But, it's also a bit of an oddball concept, so I can see why they haven't used it since this match. Christian and Jack Swagger started things off, and that was good. It's weird to see how far Swagger's come since this point in time. Less than a year later, he'd be the World Heavyweight Champion and is definitely better in the ring now. But, a lot of that talent was already there. When Finlay entered, he came running to the ring and I lamented the lack of his old entrance theme that began with his voice proclaiming "My name is Finlay and I love to fight!" It would have been much more appropriate. The action in this match was good. Swagger got two pinfalls, Henry one, and Dreamer the last one. Dreamer leaving with the belt was so surprising that even he looked shocked that it happened. As far as an opening match goes, this was a smart choice. Granted, the crowd felt a little different. The silence during the Swagger/Christian part of the match was noticeable.
Winner and STILL ECW Champion: Tommy Dreamer [***]

Match #2: Intercontinental Championship vs. Mask Match - Chris Jericho (C) vs. Rey Mysterio
I always lamented never seeing this match, the third one in their trilogy of bouts in 2009 and, according to everyone, the best of the three. And they were right. What impressed me most about their second match, at Extreme Rules, was how it built on their first. Spots and moves weren't repeated with success, they were countered. Both men looked like professionals at the top of their game, able to learn from what happened before, and adapt on the spot. The fact that certain guys are able to do the same spots in the same order with success much of the time is something that I've never liked about wrestling. I'm sorry, but if you don't know the Attitude Adjustment is coming after the Five-Knuckle Shuffle, where have you been? COUNTER THAT MOTHERFUCKER, IDIOT! I know that the routine is integral to some, but I'd always prefer to see a match where it looks like both men have actually watched a wrestling match before. This match was one of those where it wasn't just move-countermove, it was move-countermove-countermove. It was one of the smartest in-ring work I've ever seen. Even the seemingly gimmicky finish of Rey Rey having a second mask on didn't come off that way -- it was another counter since Jericho won their last match by unmasking Mysterio and completely throwing him off his game. My favourite spot, though, was Jericho faking that the 619 landed near the end so he could lull Mysterio into doing a jump off the ropes and catch him, putting him into the Walls of Jericho. Definitely the high point of this PPV and, from what happens later, I know why they put it on second, but, really, they expected people to follow this match? After the Undertaker/Michaels at WrestleMania, it was the second-best WWE match of the year, easily.
Winner and NEW Intercontinental Champion: Rey Mysterio [****3/4]

Match #3: No Disqualification Match - Dolph Ziggler vs. The Great Khali
Remember when Dolph Ziggler first showed up and did that "Hi, I'm Dolph Ziggler" gimmick? And now he's the #1 contender for the World Heavyweight Championship. Did anyone see that coming then? This was the culmination of Ziggler's feud with Khali where Ziggler continued to outsmart the giant and walk away with victories (or, at least, leave the giant beaten and bruised). This match was shit. For the record, I'm pretty sure that being seven feet tall doesn't make punching a ringpost hurt any less. This was really the beginning of a Kane/Khali feud with Ziggler winning after Kane came down and beat the shit out of Khali with a chair. Whatever.
Winner: Dolph Ziggler [*]

Match #4: Unified Tag Team Championship Match - The Colons (C) vs. Priceless vs. Edge & Chris Jericho
This match became a triple threat match with Edge and Jericho added because of a story involving Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long being put on probation for not being innovative enough for Mr. McMahon's tastes. So, he threw in Edge and Jericho, which just pissed off the other four guys. So, the story of this match became the Colons and Priceless trying to have their match without ever allowing Edge and Jericho to enter (since tag matches with more than two teams still only have two men in the ring, leaving the extra teams on the apron, possibly never able to legally win the match). The couple of times where they managed to get in, they'd make the mistake of getting too close to one of the other corners and immediately tagged out. In the end, they managed to win after the match became a bit of a clusterfuck. Sadly, the Edge and Jericho team didn't last long once Edge suffered a torn Achilles heel. Still, a decent match with a cool story.
Winners and NEW Unified Tag Team Champions: Edge and Chris Jericho [**]

Match #5: Women's Championship Match - Melina (C) vs. Michelle McCool
We fast-forwarded through this.
Winner and NEW Women's Champion: Michelle McCool [N/A]

Match #6: World Heavyweight Championship Match - CM Punk (C) vs. Jeff Hardy
The beginning of Punk's heel turn after cashing in Money in the Bank on Hardy. This match wasn't as good as you'd expect given the two guys involved. Some nice spots, but not conhesive really. Neither guy seemed on the same page entirely. Maybe it was both men trying to wrestle as faces. Sometimes that dynamic doesn't work -- and Punk hadn't turned heel yet. I loved the false finish where Hardy thought he'd won, but the ref noticed Punk's leg was under the ropes after he'd counted the pin. It worked with the feud: Punk was technically in the right when he cashed in his Money in the Bank contract and, technically, Hardy didn't win here. Of course, I did enjoy the idea of Hardy, seemingly a face with lots of tenacity, being portrayed as a whiner for this entire storyline. The actual finish where Hardy went nuts on Punk, injuring his eye, so Punk kicked the ref was... meh. It was meant to be Punk couldn't see, so he didn't know who he was kicking -- but we see the small smile he gets as he walks away. The only thing is that the excuse that Punk couldn't see who he was kicking was just lame. It wasn't staged well. But, this is the beginnings of Punk turning heel, which was awesome. Also, the end of Hardy in the WWE.
Winner but NOT new World Heavyweight Champion: Jeff Hardy [**3/4]

Match #7: John Cena vs. the Miz
Like Ziggler and Swagger, the Miz has come a long way since this PPV. He's also become a lot more polished. What I noticed most from the recap video package was how calmer he is on the mic. The personality is the same, but he's slowed it down a little and is much more at ease. He's not trying so hard (or, more accurately, it doesn't look like he's trying so hard). This match was a squash. The Miz barely got in any offence and Cena just beat the shit out of him. Ah well.
Winner: John Cena [*1/2]

Match #8: Three Stages of Hell Match for the WWE Championship - Randy Orton (C) vs. Triple H
And we end things with an odd match. This is a two-out-of-three falls match where the first fall is a regular match, the second is a Falls Count Anywhere match, and the third is a Stretcher match. Now, I've only ever seen one Stretcher match that I'd want to see again and that was the one from Extreme Rules 2008 between Batista and Shawn Michaels -- and that's because of Chris Jericho's involvement, which was done in a way that only worked with a Stretcher match. Here, the Stretcher match doesn't follow any progression. A good progression for this sort of match: No DQ fall, Falls Count Anywhere fall, and, then, Last Man Standing to finish it off. See how that works? Here, it's disjointed. But, that was this storyline all over. It built to Orton winning the belt at WrestleMania... except Triple H retained and Orton won it at Backlash the following month. They just couldn't get things right here. I did like the way the first two falls ended: the first one had Triple H get disqualified when he attacked Orton with a chair, viciously beating him and, then, hitting a Pedigree on the floor to win the second fall. It was a good strategy, especially since Orton seemed so dead that rolling him past the line on a stretcher wouldn't be too difficult. From there, it was your standard hardcore match with a stretcher. Nothing too special. Rhodes and DiBiase helped Orton retain the belt. This would lead to Triple H finding Shawn Michaels to reunite DX since Trips couldn't handle the numbers game of fighting all of Legacy. A mediocre finish to a mediocre PPV.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: Randy Orton [**1/2]

Overall Show Rating: 5.0 (out of 10)

Smarkass Reviews: WWE New Year's Revolution 2007

2011-01-02T10:00:00.001-05:00

We watched this on New Year's Eve. It seemed fitting. While out that day at Wal-Mart, I came across a few more five dollar WWE pay-per-view DVDs and how am I to resist such a deal? The other two are from 2009 surprisingly. Quicker and quicker to the discount bin? I'll take it. I was curious to see New Year's Revolution because I have The New and Improved DX DVD set, which showed us pretty much every moment of the 2006 reunion of Degeneration X... concluding with the Survivor Series from that year. Except, DX didn't break up there, they continued as a unit for another month or so, right up through New Year's Revolution where Triple H tore his quad, ending the duo's reunion. I can understand wanting to end the DVD on the high note of the Suvivor Series where DX, the Hardys, and CM Punk won their match without a single elimination. It's a much better ending than 'and then it all stopped because Triple H tore his quad doing a spinebuster.' That doesn't mean I don't want to see it, though. So, Michelle and I killed two and a half hours on New Year's Eve watching this.

Match #1: Steel Cage Match for the Intercontinental Championship -- Jeff Hardy (C) vs. Johnny Nitro
A great choice to open the show. The story going into this is that Nitro (now John Morrison for those who don't know) had been IC champ twice in the past, both reigns ended by Jeff Hardy. So, Nitro wants the belt, Hardy has it, and we get a steel cage match. Michelle said that this is the best steel cage match she's seen, but she hasn't seen a lot. It wasn't bad, it was energetic and had some cool spots. It also had some laboured parts where the match should have ended if you thought about it for more than few seconds. Oddly, none of the usual 'Jeff Hardy could win but decides to jump off the top of the cage instead' moments. Nitro was more mat-based than he is now and I couldn't help but wonder how much better this match would be now. Not a fair judgement, I know, but it's what I was thinking. Some of the parts I liked were Melina using her belt to whip Hardy's hands when he tried to climb the cage and a spot where Hardy tried to pull Nitro down, but Nitro hooked his feet in at the top of the cage and Hardy just fell hard to the mat. The finish was the best part of the match with Nitro trying to escape over the top and use his foot to keep the door shut after Melina failed until Hardy kicked it open and crotched Nitro in the process. It was different.
Winner and STILL Intercontinental Champion: Jeff Hardy [***]

Match #2: Tag-Team Turmoil -- The Highlanders vs. the World's Greatest Tag Team / The World's Greatest Tag Team vs. "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan & Super Crazy / The World's Greatest Tag Team vs. Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch / Lance Cade & Trevor Murdoch vs. Cryme Tyme
This is a gauntlet-style match where two teams begin and every time a team is defeated, another comes out until there are no more, and the final winning team would get a future title shot. This whole thing was fine and was billed as a 'bonus' match (aka added to the card to fill time the night of the show). It felt a little long in spots. The initial match between the Highlanders (remember them?) and the World's Greatest Tag Team (Shelton Benjamin and Charlie Haas) just kind of kept going. It made the Highlanders look stronger than they should have, but sold the idea of the WGTT being weaker as things went on since... come on, son, look at them and then look at the other teams here. There's a reason they had that name. Only Cade and Murdoch seemed to be in their league. The stuff with the WGTT followed a pattern: first match it was both, second match it was Haas, third match it was Benjamin. They also won the first two matches by cheating the same way, so losing when that didn't work/was countered made sense. It coming down to Cade & Murdoch and Cryme Tyme had me thinking Cade and Murdoch would win, but no. It was your typical Cryme Tyme match that they never outgrew or changed up aside from the result: JTG gets beat down, Shad makes hot tag and clears house. I would have rather saw the World's Greatest Tag Team go through everyone until Cade & Murdoch, and had that finish things. But, whatever. Nothing was too bad and I won't complain about seeing Benjamin, Haas, Cade, and Murdoch in the same ring... even if it's only for a part of a larger match.
Winners: Cryme Tyme [**]

Match #3: Ric Flair vs. Kenny Dykstra
When the Spirit Squad broke up, Kenny was the guy they decided to push and that made sense to a degree. He was athletic and could do some big jumps off the top rope. Why not him? This match was part of trying to get him over by having him feud with Ric Flair. Flair had done the same for a few other guys before this, so, again, why not? It didn't work and this match shows why. They had Dykstra try to gain heat by imitating Flair. He came out in a robe, he did the strut, he tried to use the Figure Four... except Dykstra had no charisma. Or, to be less nasty, he didn't have the 'Slick Ric' charisma. That wasn't him. It just looked kind of sad. To put things in perspective: AJ Styles was better at doing Ric Flair than Dykstra is. He wasn't suited to the role and the match suffered as a result. If they let Dykstra be himself a bit more, the storytelling could have been better. When he got to do his thing, the match was at its best. Seeing him jump to the top rope effortlessly is pretty cool. The finish where he nailed Flair with a ball shot was a play on Flair's own use of the move and just sort of ended the match out of nowhere. That would be a recurring theme.
Winner: Kenny Dykstra [*3/4]

Match #4: Women's Championship Match -- Mickie James (C) vs. Victoria
Prior to this, Victoria had been taking out Divas and checking their names off a list she was carrying. Before the match, she tried to get Melina to help her by promising her the first title shot if she made sure Victoria walked away champion. Weird to see this match given that this feud just happened again at TNA. Is TNA four years behind the times? Oh ho ho. This was a pretty decent women's match. James was more energetic here than I can remember seeing anytime recently. Not as polished, but more energetic. Melina did try to help, but, then, all of the face Divas came down and beat her up, siding with James. Mickie won and it was fine.
Winner and STILL Women's Champion: Mickie James [*1/2]

Match #5: World Tag Team Championship Match -- Rated RKO (C) vs. Degeneration X
Ah, the match I was waiting for. This one became a brutal, bloody mess by the end, and it's a really big shame that Trips got hurt, because I would have loved to see this followed up on immediately. The match was your standard tag match with a few bits of blood until it took a nasty turn. First, Trips tore his quad doing a spinebuster... and continued the match. It took a slightly downturn after the injury because no one knew what to do. Some people give guys props for continuing on when hurt like this. I tend to take the longview approach that continuing to work when injured is just stupid. End the match in a timely fashion and don't risk making things worse. I will give Triple H credit in that he noticeably did things to avoid doing further damage to his leg like basically twisting while doing the Pedigree so he landed on his other side. But, this match just sort of devolved by the end with Shawn Michaels taking out the ref and Edge and Orton both horribly bloodied. Orton especially. He was COVERED and openly spurting blood from his head. Nasty blade job. The whole thing ended with Triple H pedigreeing Edge on the announce desk, while Michaels delivered an elbow drop off the top rope onto the Spanish announce desk where Orton was. There was no bell, but it was clear that DX took the DQ. An odd match that is both impressive and a little hard to watch when you look at it in the larger context of its time.
Winners and STILL World Tag Team Champions (vis disqualification): Rated RKO [***]

Match #6: Chris Masters vs. Carlito
A little nothing feud and nothing match. Masters is better now, but Carlito didn't seem to care too much. He did do the two-rope springboard that always looks awesome, but otherwise? This was just a filler between the two big matches on the card. It suffered from a surprising out of nowhere win that just stopped the match and didn't feel organic in any way.
Winner: Chris Masters [*1/2]

Match #7: WWE Championship Match -- John Cena (C) vs. Umaga
Going into this, Umaga was basically unstoppable and had never been pinned or made to submit (not sure if he was undefeated entirely -- he may have suffered DQ losses). This match was John Cena getting the shit kicked out of him for 15 minutes with every attempt at offence either failing or doing almost nothing. Umaga would get knocked down and before Cena was up after hitting the move, Umaga was on his feet and charging. During the match, Jim Ross made a comparison between Umaga and Yokozuna that made my eyes roll, because Umaga was so quick and agile. I still hate that he was saddled with this gimmick -- if he had a more 'normal' character, he could have been a consistent main eventer. He had power and speed. I don't know... he was always a guy who really impressed me in the ring for his ability to do almost anything and do it well. You don't see many big guys with his speed and agility and it seemed wasted on a one-note monster sort of character. This match was pretty good. It was a long squash match in many ways with Cena barely holding on and, eventually, picking up the win by a quick roll-up that happened to work. He didn't so much win as get lucky that he survived. Apparently, their rematch at the Royal Rumble was even better. Since I knew that match happened, I expected Umaga to lose via disqualification here. The squeaker of a win was a better choice, because Cena got to walk away with some pride... but that empty kind where everyone (including him) knows that he didn't earn the win really. He got lucky.
Winner and STILL WWE Champion: John Cena [**3/4]

This PPV shows off why the brand extension isn't taken too seriously by the WWE anymore. You think cards now are empty and mostly filler? Take a look at this one! It's nice to see midcarders get to work PPVs, but this was a two, maybe three, match show. The other matches were good for the most part, but, aside from the opener, the DX/Rated RKO, and WWE Championship matches, does anyone care? And no one in those other matches made us care here. A middling, mediocre show. But, hey, at five bucks, I'm not complaining.

Show Rating: 5.0 (out of 10)

Playlist Week Day 5 -- Neil Young

2010-12-17T22:37:00.001-05:00

Playlist Week Day 4 -- Ryan Adams

2010-12-16T23:43:00.002-05:00

[This weekend, I got the new issue of Rolling Stone, which included a bunch of specific playlists like Bono's David Bowie playlist or Ozzy Osbourne's Beatles playlist. So, for this week, I'll be doing five playlists of ten songs per artist/band each day with some brief comments on the song. All songs in chronological order.]

The only non-Canadian during this week of playlists, Adams quickly became one of my favourite musicians after I picked up his album lloR N kcoR on a whim. He works a variety of styles, willing to just dash off songs and work at a very quick pace. It's an attitude and work ethic that would have made him fit in with the music industry of the '60s/'70s, but he's seen as an oddity now -- someone who should slow down or simply bank his best material for ecclectic albums. Me, I prefer the less polished cohesive wholes he delivers. Then again, I'll take three very good albums in a year over one possibly better album once every three or four years... But, I digress. Ryan Adams!

1. "Come Pick Me Up" (2000) from Heartbreaker: Not many can write about fucked up relationships like Adams and this one helped kick off his solo career. What's worse: stealing someone's records or fucking their friends on his bed? I demand to know!

2. "The Bar is a Beautiful Place" (2001) from Gold (bonus 'side 4' track): Not a song a lot of people have heard necessarily since it was available on a bonus disc for Gold. This was one of my favourite songs of the summer of 2007. As a non-drinker, using this as my status on MSN had people wondering what was up with me... but it's just a sad song about self-destruction and a bad break-up. It's one of those songs that is so damn emotional.

3. "English Girls Approximately" (2003) from Love is Hell: The line "English girls can be so mean" may be about girls from England, but it will always make me think of girls in my English classes. Not that they were especially mean or anything... just pining over girls in classes and such. Also, the part where he goes "Just three words, my love: you meant everything" is fantastic. A double-meaning saying that she meant everything to him, but also she meant everything they did -- it meant something to her, too. That reminds me of something once...

4. "Note to Self: Don't Die" (2003) from lloR N kcoR: "Note to self: don't die for anyone / Note to self: don't die / Note to self: don't change for anyone / Don't change, just lie." Fuck, Ryan Adams can write some good lyrics that get at the heart of matters. Not that I necessarily advocate this approach. But, I always dug that.

5. "Rock and Roll" (2003) from lloR N kcoR: This song was really from the Love is Hell sessions and stands out on lloR N kcoR as this downbeat piano-driven song on an album of loud, brash rawk music. But, it's also a song that I can recite right now. Pretty simple. Sad. It's about being hung up on a girl. It's always about girls.

6. "Magnolia Mountain" (2005) from Cold Roses: "Lie to me like I lie to you" is another fantastic line. In my year as a Gazette Arts & Entertainment editor, this was my most played song. Just a beautiful, wonderful song that makes me want to sing along.

7. "The End" (2005) from Jacksonville City Nights: I love the way he crams in the line "The waitress tries to give me change but I say nah that's cool just keep it." It doesn't fit the metre or length of the line, but he gets it in there. A more romantic/nice flipside of "29" I'd argue.

8. "29" (2005) from 29: Driving beat, semi-autobiographic lyrics that make you not want to like Adams... it's a helluva way to kick off an album, but it's great at building as the song progresses. The chorus is fun to sing along to.

9. "Halloweenhead" (2007) from Easy Tiger: One morning, I thought my roommate Adam wasn't home, so I put this on loud and sang along to it a half dozen times or so. He was home and still hates me to this day for that. A stupidly absurd title and concept, but it's got great music and some killer lines like "I just watch, I don't go inside" or the shouting of "Guitar solo!" before the guitar solo. Shows off how catchy Adams can be...

10. "Magick" (2008) from Cardinology: But not as catchy as this song. Two minutes to accomplish what 99% of the shit on the radio takes five minutes to not accomplish. I could listen to this song forever. How this wasn't a #1 hit still baffles me. Michelle isn't really a Ryan Adams fan, but she loves this song. "So turn the radio on / So turn the radio up / So turn the radio up loud and get down / Let your body move / Let your body sway / Listen to the music play / It's magick, it's magick." Fuckin' a, man.

Tomorrow, we finish things up with Neil Young.

Playlist Week Day 3 -- The Barenaked Ladies

2010-12-15T17:00:00.002-05:00

[This weekend, I got the new issue of Rolling Stone, which included a bunch of specific playlists like Bono's David Bowie playlist or Ozzy Osbourne's Beatles playlist. So, for this week, I'll be doing five playlists of ten songs per artist/band each day with some brief comments on the song. All songs in chronological order.]

For a long time, the Barenaked Ladies were my favourite band. At some point, that stopped being true, but I never lost all interest. They're the ex-girlfriend that I'm still friends with. That good friend you get together with every few months and have a fantastic time with, but then don't see again for another six months. Just the way it is. They can do jokey, they can do smart, they can do emotional... they can do funky, they can do rock, they can do pop. I still haven't heard their latest album beyond the first single (money issues -- it's on my Christmas list) and I'm curious to know how the Steven Page-less band sounds. As this list shows, my tastes tended to run towards Page's contributions.

1. "Brian Wilson" (1992) from Gordon: I didn't know who Brian Wilson was before this song. I knew the Beach Boys, sure, but not the man. This is just a great song. The band was more famous for "If I Had $1000000" but this was always their true 'anthem' song for me.

2. "What a Good Boy" (1992) from Gordon: A song about the weird gender politics and the bullshit we dump on our kids. This song touched something in me when I was in high school and sometimes struggled with the expectations of being the 'smart kid.' Odds are, those expectations were more my doing than anyone else's, but everyone struggles with the labels placed upon them (whether by others or themselves).

3. "Life, in a Nutshell" (1994) from Maybe You Should Drive: This is my favourite BNL album. They made an effort in some ways to move away from the funnier, lighter side of Gordon and there's some real struggling with the early 20s here, I think. This song is upbeat and great and just about having a really solid relationship that's going well. It's probably the most 'mature' song on the album.

4. "The Old Apartment" (1996) from Born on a Pirate Ship: A 'you can't go home again' song... strong playing on the instruments and the odd funny line, this song hit me a new way when I moved away from home. Even going back to my parents' place is a different experience. I love my life now, but there's something sad about losing that old home.

5. "One Week" (1998) from Stunt: How can you ignore the song that made the band 'overnight' superstars in the US?

6. "Conventioneers" (2000) from Maroon: This a funky, almost loungey song... a song that sounds like it should be used to seduce a woman if the lyrics didn't send the exact opposite message by the end. But, the end of the song is great as it shows how a flirty, sexually-charged relationship can exist... until sex is actually had and then what? It was all just empty flirtation with nothing underneath. Never had that experience myself, but I imagine it could be very awkward.

7. "Shopping" (2003) from Everything to Everyone: "Everything will always be all right when we go shopping." A song that's just about mocking George Bush and the Republicans for that 'shopping to fight terrorism' bullshit, this song is also incredibly catchy. It's just plain fun to sing. I once wrote a comic script where the centrepiece of the issue was a giant musical dance number in a mall with this as the song that everyone sings.

8. "Sound of Your Voice" (2006) from Barenaked Ladies are Me: Some rockin' guitars kick this one off and it's weird to know that this is a Kevin Hearn song that he passed along to Page to sing. This song has hit that personal spot with me where the chorus makes me think of the days Michelle is out of town or I'm out of town or whatever. Sure, it's a song about a guy who fucked up and screwed up his relationship... but, for me, it's just about missing that person you love. Missing them being around. You get oddly used to them. I also like the line "This little song is about second chances."

9. "I Can I Will I Do" (2007) from Barenaked Ladies are Men: A similar vibe to "Conventioneers," I love the way Page sings the title line.

10. "You Run Away" (2010) from All in Good Time: Is this the "Cannonball" of BNL? I do like how they made the first single about Page's leaving the band. It's a decent song and the underlying emotion carries it.

Tomorrow: Ryan Adams

Playlist Week Day 2 -- The Tragically Hip

2010-12-15T00:13:00.001-05:00

[This weekend, I got the new issue of Rolling Stone, which included a bunch of specific playlists like Bono's David Bowie playlist or Ozzy Osbourne's Beatles playlist. So, for this week, I'll be doing five playlists of ten songs per artist/band each day with some brief comments on the song. All songs in chronological order.]

Today, it's the Tragically Hip, a Canadian rock band that's developed the status of the Canadian rock band. Every album of theirs since their first album has been #2 or #1 on the charts (more likely to be #1 with only three failing to hit that mark, while their first LP only reached #13). It's just some good rock music. My list is skewed towards their early albums a bit and I don't subscribe to the idea that they began to suck around the time of Phantom Power, but it's hard to deny the quality of their early material. Their later material isn't as catchy always, isn't as easy to get into... isn't as memorable at times. And listeners of the Splash Page Podcast will know the lead singer of the band, Gord Downie, for the bit of his song "We're Hardcore" that we use to kick the show off.

1. "Blow at High Dough" (1989) from Up to Here: The first song on the first Tragically Hip LP and it's about shooting a porn flick in a small town. It's a rocking song that starts off slow, but gives a great first impression of the band's sound. When you figure out/learn what the song is about, it's hard not to laugh at times. I do like the drumming.

2. "Long Time Running" (1991) from Road Apples: A quiet, moody song. When I hear this song, I picture Gord Downie or someone slowly walking down a dark street, wearing a suit with the tie undone, bottle of beer in his hand... it's that kind of song.

3. "At the Hundredth Meridian" (1992) from Fully Completely: A cool rock song. I love the line "I seem to remember every single fucking thing I know." Just a song that hits on that leve you dig. You know?

4. "Wheat Kings" (1992) from Fully Completely: A song, at least partly, about David Milgaard and his wrongful conviction for rape and murder. A slow, quiet song that has some great singing. Maybe it's the Canadian in me, but the line "Late-breaking story on the CBC..." appeals to me.

5. "Nautical Disaster" (1994) from Day for Night: Actually, I'd probably recommended the live version off Live Between Us with Downie prefacing the song with talk of a movie adaptation that's kind of funny. This is an odd song about a dream of a life as a lighthouse keeper. There's a nice build. The Hip does good slow builds that turn into big drums and lots of rawk.

6. "Ahead by a Century" (1996) from Trouble at the Henhouse: Probably my favourite Hip song. A mellow sort of song with a rock edge. "Disappointing you's getting me down" became my personal shame of a mantra for the past couple of years.

7. "Bobcaygeon" (1998) from Phantom Power: A story song. The video for this song is a completely literal interpretation of the lyrics and works really well. The way the verses repeat themselves is good.

8. "Fireworks" (1998) from Phantom Power: Another song with a line that stands out: "You said you didn't give a fuck about hockey / Well I never saw someone say that before." So Canadian and can't help but make me laugh. And I'm not a big hockey fan. I just know what a line like that means. The song is about not knowing what marriage and relationships are really about; spending too much time together and things turning into a weird cold war.

9. "It's a Good Life if You Don't Weaken" (2002) from In Violet Light: The interplay of the music and Downie's vocals is startling. There's a real orchestral vibe to the way the instruments are played, while Downie just gives it his all. Downie is underrated at times, I think, as a singer. He's very good at emotion and mood.

10. "Now the Struggle Has a Name" (2009) from We are the Same: The title of the album comes from a line in this song. It seems like a song that sums up where the Hip are. Their album after In Violet Light was called In Between Evolution, suggesting that they thought they were on the brink of change, but, here, they seem to be reconciling themselves with the fact that no matter how much they try to grow, there's a core identity to band that holds them back. But, it's also that the name of the struggle is 'We are the Same.' How does a band that's been around for 20 years and seen massive success change and grow without causing their fans to turn on them? Oddly, this is all my reading of the song since none of that is in here. But, the song brings out those ideas.

Tomorrow: the Barenaked Ladies.

Playlist Week Day 1 -- Hawksley Workman

2010-12-14T01:25:00.001-05:00

[This weekend, I got the new issue of Rolling Stone, which included a bunch of specific playlists like Bono's David Bowie playlist or Ozzy Osbourne's Beatles playlist. So, for this week, I'll be doing five playlists of ten songs per artist/band each day with some brief comments on the song. All songs in chronological order.]

I'm beginning with Hawksley Workman, a Canadian singer/songerwriter/rock and roller/whatever else you call a guy like that. He's eclectic, energetic, funky, sad, fantastic, and other adjectives. I've seen him twice in concert and enjoyed both times quite a bit.

1. "Tarantulove" (1999) from For Him and the Girls: I love the slow, drum-heavy pace of this song. He almost seems to be slurring his words without actual slurring them. A very offbeat, weird feeling in this song. "Well, I'm no doctor, baby, but I know what's good for me" is a great line.

2. "Safe and Sound" (1999) from For Him and the Girls: A sweet, soft song. One of the sweetest and softest I know. This is a song that I didn't really get until my current relationship with Michelle. It's about love and assuring the person you're with that they can trust you completely and just feel safe... and damned if that isn't a great feeling.

3. "Striptease" (2001) from (Last Night We Were) The Delicious Wolves: Funky and loud and rude and crude... this is my favourite song to get dressed to, ironically. If I were a stripper, this would be the song I stripped to. It's not exactly a strip club song, but whatever. Hawksley doing pure rock and roll.

4. "Anger as Beauty" (2003) from lover/fighter: This song has one of my favourite lines of all time: "Fighter soul alive in a whiskey-fueled rage." I wrote a comic script about that line once. This was the single that made me pick up lover/fighter and get into Workman's music.

5. "Autumn's Here" (2003) from lover/fighter: A song I play every year in the fall. Just Workman and a piano (a trumpet comes in later) totally describing the feeling of a windy, cloudly, chilly autumn day. He captures the feeling of the season so well. It's sad and melancholy. There's a line where he says "It's okay if you want to cry" and I remember waiting for the bus in the fall one day in my second year of university and being damn near tears for no good reason as this song played. A moment of beauty and sadness... So, this gets played every year in the fall.

6. "God Decides" (2004) from My Little Toothless Beauties: From one of his 'lost' albums, this song begins and ends My Little Toothless Beauties. This album is Workman's Tonight's the Night or 29 for me. This song is epic as Workman with a thumping death march of a beat and a piano runs down what 'god decides.' It's a nihilistic, angry song.

7. "You Are Too Beautiful" (2006) from Treeful of Starling: Another soft, sweet song. The chorus of "You are too beautiful to be in bed with me" always hit something in me. Because every guy worth a damn knows it's true about the woman he loves. Especially when he follows that line up with "If you could see the thoughts I see, if you could see my thoughts, baby, you'd agree." Sweet and lovely, but also hinting at the horribly perverted and fucked up shit guys think about. I like the subtle humour. Plus, Workman nails a wicked high note.

8. "It's a Drug" (2008) from Los Manlicious: A big heavy guitar begins this one. I'm a sucker for songs about how great music is and this song is just such a thing.

9. "Prettier Face" (2008) from Los Manlicious: Los Manlicious was the second album Workman released in 2008, paired with Between the Beautifuls and this song was on both. I prefer this version as it comes closer to capturing the stunning live performance of it that I saw at the second Workman show I attended. A depressing song of self-loathing that descends into the repetition of "And I can't hide these uncried tears no more" after some good lines like "Drinking just to empty the cup" and "Oh, baby, I've had enough." The live version was positively apocalyptic when he got to the repetition. One of the best live performances I've ever seen.

10. "You Don’t Just Want to Break Me" (2010) from Meat: Another song that descends into repetition with a similar tone, but I think he captures the empty sadness better here. This one has a little funkier of a beat and isn't as obviously self-loathing. This is more angry and accusatory than "Prettier Face." The repeating lines of "You don't just want to break me, you want to tear me apart" come after a shift in the music... it's almost like two songs smashed together after a slowing drum beat that suddenly switches. The repetition starts calmly but gains emotion as it progresses. I played this song over and over on the CBC Radio 3 website before the album was out.

Tomorrow: The Tragically Hip

Smarkass Reviews -- Full Impact Pro: The Usual Suspects

2010-12-06T14:42:00.003-05:00

I got this at Zellers for five bucks along with the first Shimmer show for the same price. They even had a Glow DVD, a hardcore reunion special, and the first two seasons of XPW, all for five bucks each, but none of them seem like something I'd want for free, so they get left in the store. Last night, Michelle and I watched Full Impact Pro's The Usual Suspects and it was an interesting experience. There's the fun of seeing some people you recognise back when they were younger. Full Impact Pro is a smaller indie promotion, partnered with Ring of Honor until 2009 when it switched to Dragon Gate USA. I've seen a few FIP matches on the 'bonus' discs of Dragon Gate USA DVDs. When people talk about companies that run shows in gyms, this is a perfect example.

This show is from April 22, 2005 and is the introduction of tag team titles to FIP. Instead of having a tournament, the whole thing is set up with no rules. Somehow, we're told, a team will win the belts before the show is over. No idea how, but it will happen. In this respect, one of the announcers, Dave Prazak (who is also a manager) is amusing throughout the show, especially in the beginning, by just trashing the lack of a plan. At first, he seemed like the model for the Cole/Matthews team on NXT...

Match #1: The Heartbreak Express vs. The Carnage Crew
No idea who any of these guys are, but one of them is a fat guy whose character, as far as I can tell, is 'gay Dusty Rhodes.' I swear to god. He rips off Rhodes so much, but throws in extra camp behaviour that I can only surmise that, when coming up with what a big white fat guy could do, someone said "Just rip off Dusty Rhodes!" and someone else laughed and said, "Nah, that would be too blatant. Better play it safe and make it gay Dusty!" The match itself was very sloppy. The Heartbreak Express cheated a lot and there was a bit surrounding Gay Dusty Rhodes hurting his ass -- and one of his opponents smacking him on the ass, oddly. In the end, the Carnage Crew won, so... they won?
Winners: The Carnage Crew [*]

Match #2: The Carnage Crew vs. The Ring Crew Express
Almost immediately, Dunn & Marcos, the Ring Crew Express were out to challenge the Carnage Crew. This match was short and incredibly spotty. Spotty in that way where Dunn & Marcos would go for a tandem move and their target would stand there, waiting for them to execute it. They're a fun, cruiserweight tag team with a 'rock n roll' attitude, but you can see why they haven't really gone anywhere, not even a big run in ROH (though, they were there for a period).
Winners: The Ring Crew Express [1/2*]

~~Match #3: The Ring Crew Express vs. DP Associates~~
Prazak introduced the tag team he manages, DP Associates (Jimmy Rave and "Fast" Eddie Vegas) as if they would fight the Ring Crew Express. But, Prazak backed out of the match, saying he wanted to find the right opponents for his boys that night.

Match #3: Roderick Strong & Jerrelle Clark vs. Homicide & Vordell Walker
The first match of the night to really feature anyone I know with Roderick Strong and Homicide. This match was actually the best of the night. Strong and Homicide began things, and had some nice back and forth until things broke out into this frantic brawl/grappling section that reminded me of amateur wrestling quite a bit. After they broke it, Homicide staggered around, blaming 'too much weed' for why he couldn't keep it up too long. Walker wrestled a power game well, while Clark played on the agility and speed. Eventually, it broke into a free-for-all where terms like 'legal man' meant jackshit and Strong and Clark won only when Homicide was kept to the outside. No, I was impressed with the work in this match. Definitely the stand-out of the show -- and, oddly, like many tournaments, it had you wishing that this first-round (if you could say there are rounds in this show) match was the finals.
Winners: Roderick Strong & Jerrelle Clark [***1/2]

Match #4: Spanky & Sal Rinauro vs. Steve Madison & James Gibson
Michelle is infinitely amused that Brian Kendrick began his career as 'Spanky' (apparently named after his means of staying awake on long road trips... ew). I think that's the only reason she wanted to watch this one before the Shimmer DVD (she basically said as much). This match was a little disappointing. I don't think things ever really cohered. Gibson and Madison were decent, while Rinauro was unimpressive. Kendrick was somewhere between. Madison was the biggest of the group and he stuck out for that reason, never getting into a groove with the other three. I know others are high on Gibson (Jamie Noble), but he's never really impressed me. Maybe I haven't seen the right matches. His work in the WWE was fine and, here, he was a little better than the average FIP guy, but not by much. After the match, Madison turned on Gibson, blaming him for the loss (despite him being the one that was pinned).
Winners: Spanky & Sal Rinauro [**]

Interlude #1: CM Punk!
CM Punk finally arrived, FIP World Heavyweight Championship belt in his possession. He'd apparently stolen the belt from Homicide, the true champ. Punk was good on the mic. He put over his faction, the New Dawn, and his wanting all of the rejects, because he can turn them into the best. His example was Don Juan, a guy who thinks he's king shit, and is just kind of a joke. This continued until Homicide chased Punk around the ring and to the back. Punk was good on the mic, basically doing a less developed version of what he does now. I was happy.

Match #5: DP Associates vs. Evan Starsmore & Aaron Epic
Finally, Dave Prazak found the right team for DP Associates to fight: two jobbers! And, yeah, jobbers by FIP standards... you can imagine what that's like. This match was brief, but oddly longer than you'd expect with two jobbers. Strange.
Winners: DP Associates [1/4*]

Match #6: DP Associates vs. The Ring Crew Express
Quickly, after the match was over, the Ring Crew Express hit the ring to have the match teased earlier. DP Associates got a chance to show what they can do a bit more. There was a funny moment where Vegas turned around and started wailing on Rave, who was being held by Dun (or Marcos) and didn't seem to notice it was his partner that he was hitting. Weird stuff. I liked Rave, but Vegas just rubbed me the wrong way. I don't know why. This match was fine and gave the DP Associates a second win for the night.
Winners: DP Associates [*1/2]

Match #7: CM Punk & Don Juan vs. Spanky & Sal Rinauro
Punk came out again to cut a promo, saying that he had Homicide arrested (but would not be pressing charges) and would fight him at the next night's show, because he's a fighting champion. Spanky and Rinauro then challenged the pair. Punk was a little more jokey here -- both in and out of the ring. There was a funny spot where he had had Juan work over the arm of Spanky (I believe) when the ref was distrated, Juan facing away from the ring and slamming the arm again and again over his shoulder. They did that a couple of times until Spanky stuck Punk's arm over Juan's shoulder and he didn't realise that it was Punk. Oh, dumb heels, will you ever learn? From there, the faces were in charge for much of the match, but the heels still won with a little cheating. Spanky and Rinauro looked better here, while Punk showed some flashes of brilliance. Juan was... there.
Winners: CM Punk & Don Juan [**1/2]

Match #8: Three Way Dance -- Antonio Banks vs. Rainman vs. Jared Steel
You'll know Antonio Banks as the now-former MVP. His opponents were two rather large guys that seemed to hate him more than one another and double-teamed him at first. Matches like this are hard to work, but the added elimination-style set-up should have made that easier since there wouldn't be the breaking up of pinfalls since one of your opponents eliminating the other one benefits you. Well, you'd think that until Banks was pinning Steel, Rainman knocked Banks off, hit a move, and eliminated Steel. Um, why? From there, Banks showed a couple of Benoit-esque moves that made me laugh because of the way Benoit put over MVP for the US Championship. Banks tried for the multiple German suplexes and won the match with the Crossface. There was also an appearance by the Drive-By kick to the head in the corner. You could see the future MVP in Banks here. It was a decent enough match, I guess. It didn't get good, though, until Steel was gone and it was a regular one-on-one match.
Winner: Antonio Banks [*3/4]

Match #9: Three Way Dance for the FIP Tag Team Championship -- DP Associates vs. Roderick Strong & Jerrelle Clark vs. CM Punk & Don Juan
While Prazak said on commentary that it should be DP Associates vs. the winner of the other two teams since they had both only won one match, while DP Associates had won two, he then suggested on the mic that it be a Three Way Dance. What happened? I imagine it was someone looking at the time and realising they needed to wrap things up. The two heel teams worked as one, for the most part, working over Roderick Strong for the first part of the match until Clark finally got in and eliminated Juan (and Punk). That left a fairly standard face/heel pairing with the ending coming in a pretty dominant fashion as Strong was on the outside, allowing Vegas and Rave to hit the Double Penetration (and it resembles one...) to become the FIP Tag Team Champions. Not a bad choice since, out of the established tag teams, they had the best gimmick and could draw some heat with Prazak as their manager.
Winners and NEW FIP Tag Team Champions: DP Associates [**1/4]

Overall, it was a mixed show. Only a few matches really rose above 'mediocre' (and, then, not by much) aside from the Strong & Clark/Homicide & Walker match, which was quite good. A more focused show with a better game plan would have been better. It ultimately became a single-elimination tournament with random pairings, which is fine... if they established it as that. It's not like planning out a tournament is that hard, even if it's a gauntlet-style one like this kind of was. I definitely think it was worth the five dollars I paid, but that's about the most I'd pay for it at the same time. As I said at the top, it was cool seeing some guys I know before I knew them. CM Punk in particular is great to see in his pre-WWE days. He's definitely a guy who found his character early and has perfected it, and seeing some of the early stages of that is interesting.

Show Rating: 5.0 (out of 10)

King of the Ring 2010 Predictions

2010-11-29T20:25:00.001-05:00

Tonight is the King of the Ring tournament for 2010. Technically, it's happening live right now, but, here in Canada, it won't be on for another hour since the Score didn't want to alter their regular programming schedule. The WWE put up the brackets today, so I figured I'd give my predictions:

1st Round
* John Morrison vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes: This is a tough one as I could see both men going past the first round against other opponents. Part of figuring out who will advance is looking at who they would possibly be facing in the 2nd round. I'd rather see "Dashing" Cody Rhodes go over, but John Morrison seems more likely. Winner: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes
* Daniel Bryan vs. Alberto Del Rio: Another tough one, but I'd rather see Del Rio advance since Bryan doesn't need the victory as much. Winner: Alberto Del Rio
* Ezekiel Jackson vs. Drew McIntyre: Wow. I look at the first two match-ups and I see two competitive matches where I wouldn't mind any of the guys advancing. Here, I see the 'Chosen One' who hasn't done shit and a muscle-bound freak that, if he won, would basically be King Mabel II. Winner: Ezekiel Jackson
* Kofi Kingston vs. Sheamus: This could be a decent match, but Kingston is here to make Sheamus look good. Winner: Sheamus

2nd Round (they gave the brackets for this)
* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs. Alberto Del Rio: I can see Del Rio making it to the finals, but would definitely rather see Rhodes keep advancing. Winner: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes
* Ezekiel Jackson vs. Sheamus: If there's anyone the WWE could have beat Jackson without making him look too weak in this tournament, it's Sheamus. Both men are power-based, so the former WWE champ going over isn't a big blow. Plus, this could be another way to play off Sheamus as weakened by the tournament for the finals. Winner: Sheamus

Finals
* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes vs. Sheamus: I'm of two minds here. I think winning the King of the Ring could work well for Sheamus. I would have him win and, immediately, Triple H's King of Kings music hits, suggesting that he'll finally come back to get revenge, playing off that nickname and being a past King of the Ring. But, no, Sheamus gets on the mic and laughs at us, saying that that is now his music, because he retired Triple H and won the King of the Ring, making him the true King of Kings. But, that seems a little... well, outside of what the WWE would book. So, unless they're going to use this as a way toa dvance Sheamus/Triple H, why bother? Besides, "Dashing" Cody Rhodes as King would be fantastic. Winner and the 2010 King of the Ring: "Dashing" Cody Rhodes

Let's see how wrong I am...

Smarkass Comments: Aborted TNA Instant Analysis (10.28.10)

2010-10-29T08:39:00.001-04:00

One of the things I've been doing for 411mania lately is an Instant Analysis (review) of TNA Impact on Thursday nights. Well, halfway through last night's episode, a crisis came up and I wasn't able to finish watching the show (or writing my review). So, instead of letting it go to waste, here's what I had...

SEGMENT ONE: The Knockouts Live Up to Their Name

And Impact began with a backstage brawl... because one of those hasn't happened in a couple of weeks. Surprisingly, this one didn't involve Abyss; it was Mickie James and Tara, but quickly grew to involve Madison Rayne, the Beautiful People, and Sarita. It was a typical brawl, but with more screaming and hair pulling. And, like a typical TNA brawl, it just went on and on and on... Until they finally made it to the ring and Ric Flair came out with security. Then, it became 'everyone slap Ric' while he debated if he should hit Tara or Mickie James back. When he threatened to 'make a woman' out of both of them, I worried we'd finally hit the point where Flair feels the need to prove his manhood with an orgy in the middle of the ring. Thankfully, he just booked a match and ended the ten-minute brawl that stopped being entertaining nine minutes previously. Though, would someone explain to TNA that a match involving these six women after watching them fight for ten minutes isn't exactly exciting? Please? They do that every goddamn time: either have a long brawl lead into a match or have a match lead into a long brawl... What's wrong with just having a good match?

Rating: 3.5 out of 10

SEGMENT TWO: Making Fun of Concussions

Flair and Bischoff acting all buddy buddy is hard to believe... but I did love Flair wondering where Bischoff was for the last half hour... 17 minutes into the show (with commercials). Yes, the brawl may have lasted only ten minutes, but it felt like half an hour. After this, Bischoff and Flair made light of the idea of wrestling with a concussion. I know they're heels, but WHAT THE FUCK? Why not break out some steroid and somas angles while they're at it? Make light of pain killer addiction maybe? Why not have Brian Kendrick or some other young wrestler fake his death from heart failure? There are some subjects you just avoid in the wrestling business and this is one of them.

The Pope was out with a casket and cut a promo on Abyss because of his interference in his TV Title match last week. I do love hearing the Pope deliver a sermon, but that was interrupted by Abyss coming out. Abyss was pretty decent on the mic, too, saying the Pope isn't safe anymore -- and neither is any of his congregation, taking two members of the audience with him. Um, yeah? Decent start, but the finish was a little strange.

Jeff Jarrett was at his arrogant heel best by mocking Samoa Joe and Ken Anderson. Short, sweet, and completely dickish. He came close to hammering on the concussion angle, but was vague enough that it didn't come off as poor as the Flair/Bischoff stuff.

Rating: 5.0 out of 10 for everything except the Flair/Bischoff stuff, which falls somewhere in the negative... what the hell were they thinking?

SEGMENT THREE: Jay Lethal vs. Robbie E. in a Jersey Shore Street Fight
Match Result: Robbie E. pinned Jay Lethal via hairspray
Match Length: Around five minutes

Matt Morgan was out to educate Ric Flair on concussions and Flair's response: "It's the business. It's called professional wrestling." Wow. Veering wildly between after school special and horrible ignorance... THIS IS WHAT I CALL ENTERTAINING WRESTLING TELEVISION!

A Street Fight... something else that hasn't happened on Impact... er, since last week. This sort of match was a smart decision in that it allowed Robbie E. to hide some of his weaker points in the ring. More a brawl than a wrestling match, Lethal kicked things off in charge, while Robbie made a short-lived comeback before Lethal turned the tables with a kendo stick. Lethal's decision to go to the corner Cookie was standing by was an easy to spot opportunity for a clearly beaten Robbie E. to win and earn a title shot at Turning Point. And it was thanks to Cookie using hair spray against Lethal. Lethal beating on Robbie was entertaining, but the ending was forced and kind of awful.

Backstage, Angelina Love was visited again by creepy Winter who replaced the seamstress... but Velvet Sky returns and there's no Winter! Spooky. Katie Lea as Winter is done very well and this story is different. I'm not hating it.

Rating: 4.5 out of 10

Hell's Kitchen 8.03-8.06

2010-10-12T02:30:00.001-04:00

Man, fuck the producers. When we last left Hell's Kitchen, there was a preview strongly suggesting that Raj (the fat, mentally unbalanced older chef) was going to stab someone. Shots of paramedics, angry confrontation, ominous music... all that was missing was big overlaid text saying "NEXT EPISODE: RAJ STABS SOMEONE! WATCH!"

Yeah, didn't happen.

Part of me is glad about that. But, only a part. I think that makes me a horrible person.

Only finally saw the four most recent episodes, because of various real life factors involving Michelle and her family that resulted in, Friday night, watching four episodes of the show with a break for supper. In those four episodes, I learned one thing that I actually already knew: when guys fight, it's obvious and doesn't last too long; when women fight, it's obvious and sneaky and lasts for fucking ever. Every goddamn season, the red (aka women's) team nearly implodes because they all decide to hate one another, shifting alliances on a week-by-week basis depending on who decided to fuck whoever else over lately. Sometimes, a guy is thrown in so we can see him pull his hair out, wondering what he did in a previous life to deserve this. In the blue team, people confront one another, but it doesn't drag the whole team down. I don't know... is Hell's Kitchen an unexpected study in gender group dynamics?

The show isn't really about anything else right now. Definitely not cooking.

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 10.08.10

2010-10-09T02:00:00.002-04:00

Before getting into the second episode of Smackdown on SyFy, I want to direct your attention to 411mania where some changes in my writing duties have occurred. Previously, I was co-writing the High Road/Low Road column with Sat, doing the TNA Impact 4Rs, and overseeing the TNA PPV roundtable previews. High Road/Low Road and the TNA PPV roundtable remain the same, but I'm now doing an Instant Analysis of TNA Impact and the WWE Monday Night Raw 4Rs. In addition, I'll also be doing the WWE Superstars 4Rs. So, if you like my writing about wrestling, there's more of it each and every week. If you don't... why are you reading this post at all?

As for this week's Smackdown, I'll handle it in a random thought style as I watch (well, starting around half an hour into the show on the midnight replay on the Score...):

* Edge returns to Smackdown and what else returns? His awesome jacket! Hell yes! His match with Jack Swagger was better than their bout at Hell in a Cell. Edge was really working his ass off to do some different and innovative offence. Good exchange at the end, leading into Edge's win. If they keep improving with each encounter, this feud could make both men look fantastic.

* Missed the Divas match, wanting to catch the end of South Park. I stand by my choice.

* The Big Show stuff with Hornswoggle and the Dudebusters? Awful.

* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Kaval & Kofi Kingston was decent. That's a feud I wouldn't mind seeing more of, honestly. The match, though, was too short.

* The Kane/Paul Bearer promo was standard stuff for this feud with the Undertaker. Nothing special, but well done overall. A little over halfway through the show and it's been a two-segment show (and those two segments featured one match...). A pretty weak episode.

* I'm tired and kind of want to go to sleep.

* I have been enjoying the clips of previous Rey Mysterio/Alberto del Rio encounters. Good way to build to their match.

* Line of the night courtesy of Todd Grisham: "MVP's got gold: he's a baller."

* During the commercial, turned it to the Giants/Braves game to watch Ankiel hit a pretty awesome home run. Out of the park and into the water!

* Dolph Ziggler/MVP for the IC belt was a dull affair that was more about the Dolph/Vickie/Kaitlyn story than the match itself. And that's a story I don't care about. I like Kaitlyn well enough, but whatever.

* Soooooooooo tired...

* The Rey Mysterio/Alberto del Rio match was good. Rare to see Mysterio so dominant in a match. del Rio looked more like a rookie, albeit with some decent offence, but that's fine against a two-time world champ like Rey Rey. I'm just happy to see Mysterio not using his typical hit-and-run offence and changing things up when the situation calls for it.

Overall, not a strong episode. The bookending matches were really good, though.

My Favourite Interview: Ken Finkleman (March 2006)

2010-10-02T20:56:00.001-04:00

For the last two years of my undergrad, I wrote for the Arts & Entertainment section of the student paper, the University of Western Ontario Gazette. My first year, I was a volunteer/writer, and, my second year, I was an editor. I interviewed a lot of people during those two years; mostly people in indie bands that were playing in town. But, my favourite interview of all time was with Ken Finkleman, the writer/director/star of some CBC TV series, most notably The Newsroom, a sitcom about a newsroom. It was done in the single camera style, the first season back in 1996-97 before returning in 2002 with a TV movie Escape from the Newsroom leading into two more seasons. Between the two version of The Newsroom, he did three mini-series that I have never seen, sadly (and discuss in the interview briefly) and, in 2006, he did a six-part mini-series called At the Hotel (my excuse to talk to him).

The phone interview I had with Finkleman was fantastic. Over an hour of talking -- mostly me listening to him hold court over my 23-year old self. I wasn't usually fannish or flustered, but I was a bit with Finkleman. Before the interview, CBC sent me some preview episodes of At the Hotel, but Finkleman didn't really want to talk about the show. That was cool.

At The Gazette, Q&A interviews were frowned upon even though that's the style I like reading the most. So, I had decided from day one to try and make my interviews as quote-heavy as possible. I'd ask basic questions if only so I could use what the subject said instead of having to say it myself. I would structure the interviews around what was said, not what the article 'should' be about. Going into the Finkleman interview, I had read an 'interview' with him in one of the big Canadian papers and it was roughly the size of my interview, but featured, maybe, three things Finkleman said, filling the article with information that the writer or editor thought was necessary -- the point of the article. Finkleman wasn't even needed! I always tried to avoid that style.

Also, the published article (which has the wrong author credited on the website) needed to be cut down a bit, because I wrote too much. That was rare for me; I was usually very good at hitting the desired length, but I didn't bother this time. I wanted it to be long and contain all of the cool stuff Finkleman said. I'm not entirely happy with the edited version and kept the original for that reason (the only time I've done that). Partly because I like the full version more automatically and, partly, because it was edited as part of training potential editors for the next year, so it's not as clean as it would have been had Anna (my fellow A&E editor at the time) done it.

Still, I look over the article and still see too much of myself, not enough of him. This was also the interview that prompted me to begin reading Haruki Murakami and, for that, I owe Finkleman a debt.

***

Ken Finkleman doesn't like my first question. I ask him about his new series At the Hotel, there's a pause of around ten seconds and he begins to ask me questions about myself. He asks about the paper and school, which leads to poetry and recommending that I read some poems by James Merrill. I can hear him looking for the book in his office because he wants to get the names right.

After a few minutes of this, Finkleman returns to my question and says, "Your first question is terrible. It's the sort of question you think you're supposed to ask and it's one I've been asked hundreds of times. The best question to ask is whatever made you inquisitive. Are you an inquisitive person? If you were sitting beside me on a plane, what would you ask me?"

An interview with Ken Finkleman is part conversation, part lecture. He seems to have so many things he wants to say that he begins one thought and before he can finish it, another one asserts itself. He references various writers and filmmakers, always asking "You know who he is?" As an interviewer, it can be challenging, but as a listener, it's captivating and highly entertaining.

At one point, Finkleman discusses getting older, saying, "As you get older, you appreciate things differently. I don't mean to say that because you're young and don't have as much experience, you can't appreciate things, but as you get older. Like sex. Sex is better. Oh, fuck – infinitely better when you're older.

"Poetry – you appreciate that differently. And, it's not because I have more experience, it's not that. It's like as you get older, your brain changes and you think about things differently."

Finkleman is the director, producer and co-writer of the six-part CBC mini-series At the Hotel and is most well-known for the popular, award-winning comedy series The Newsroom, which he wrote, directed, produced and starred in.

He is generally regarded as one of the most intelligent and creative people working in Canadian television. The third run of The Newsroom won a 2005 International Emmy Award for Best Comedy, a Gemini Award for Best Writing in a Comedy or Variety Program or Series, and two Directors Guild of Canada Awards, for Outstanding Achievement in Direction – Television Series and Outstanding Team Achievement in a Television Series – Comedy.

But, Finkleman doesn't really want to talk about any of that. Any mention of his work is made to strengthen an argument he is making.

Most of the interview is taken up answering the question I would ask him if I was sitting beside him on a plane: why television? Why not films or prose or theatre? What is it about television that appeals to Ken Finkleman so much?

His answer is much simpler than you would expect: "Well, movies are hard to get made – especially in Canada. In Hollywood, it's hard, but you can get caught up in a community and get them made that way. And, at one time, I found myself in a community. Unless you want to do a studio hack job – you want to do something interesting, so you need a name attached."

Finkleman continues, "There are anomalies. But, even then it's because they know each other. Have you seen Capote? That had Phillip Seymour Hoffman, but he was only in it because he knew them. You need a name and the only way to get that is to socialize with the names."

Finkleman explains, "In Canada, you're in the position where you don't have the names to justify a big enough budget. They want a name to put on the marquee, which brings people into the theatre, which makes money. It doesn't have to be the biggest name, but one that will make the investment worth it."

Star power isn't the only drawback, Finkleman adds, "Canadian movies are in and out of theatres in a week. You devote a year – two if you're also writing – to a film and then it's just gone."

Television shows are similar in their temporary status, but in that case, it's by design. "In TV, it comes and goes – and more people watch it. Even if they don't like it, they're more forgiving because it's free," Finkleman laughs.

Even with shows he's done, Finkleman says he's the same way. "There are some episodes I really like and others I don't." But, the serial nature and the fact that there's always a second chance glosses over that quickly.

"It's extremely rewarding," Finkleman explains. "You withstand the failures. And it's fun. Shooting is fun."

This leads Finkleman off on a new tangent: discussing the purpose of fiction. He paraphrases Japanese writer Haruki Murakami, saying, "Good fiction connects – I'm sorry, the story connects in an indefinable way with the story inside reader. It has the quality of déjà vu. Isn't that amazing?"

He explains, "It's the reader and the work. The work is nothing without the reader. And the people that don't get it, resent it and call it pretentious."

The P word is a sore spot with Finkleman as his work is usually praised by critics or panned as pretentious crap. "It's never pretentious. It's always an attempt to express something big and meaningful. It can't be pretentious, it's just what it is. Deep down, I know I'm not pretentious.

"If a critic calls something pretentious, you know he's an asshole."

"It's because I'm a Jew from Winnipeg," Finkleman explains. "It would be okay if I were a German with a cigarette and long hair and a leather jacket and tattoos. But I'm not, so I'm not supposed to attempt to discuss those things."

Three series Finkleman did between runs of The Newsroom, More Tears, Foolish Heart and Foreign Objects, remain favourites of his because there he was able to flex his artistic muscles and explore themes not often explored on TV. But, fans waiting for them to show up on DVD may have a long wait.

Although Finkleman has a core of fans of his work, he doesn't believe that would translate in sales the way The Newsroom DVDs do. "There's no hook. There's nothing that would make people in stores pick them up."

He adds, "We did a study and found that there are 300,000 fans out there, across the country. What does that mean? Because I don't know. Is that good? Is that bad? I don't know. If you put 300,000 people in a stadium and me on stage, that would be pretty impressive, don't you think?"

Smarkass Comments: Impact/Smackdown Similarity

2010-09-26T23:51:00.001-04:00

Don't have much to say about this week's Smackdown besides liking it in general, while you can read my thoughts on Impact over at 411mania. But, I did have a quick thought about the two shows this week and a similar structure with their beginning and end segments.

Smackdown used current World Heavyweight Champion Kane in both the opening and closing segments of the show. The show began with a match between him and Chris Masters, closing with a promo segment involving the Undertaker and the return of Paul Bearer.

Impact used Abyss in both the opening and closing segments of the show. The show began with a match between him and Rob Terry, closing with a promo segment involving Rob Van Dam and an unconscious/beaten up Jeff Hardy.

Kane is giant, dominating monster often involved in ludicrous and inane stories, including his current feud with the Undertaker depending on who you ask (I really like it myself).

Abyss is a fairly big, dominating guy nicknamed the Monster often involved in ludicrous and inane stories, including his current feud with Rob Van Dam, his brandishing of a two-by-four with nails in it that he calls Janice, and his obsession with a mysterious 'They' that are telling him way to do... and pretty much everyone seems to hate that one.

Chris Masters is a musclebound wrestler hired more his look than abilities, which are sorely lacking compared to the rest of the roster.

Rob Terry is a musclebound wrestler hired more his look than abilities, which are sorely lacking compared to the rest of the roster.

Kane has shown dominance over a top-tiered wrestler, the Undertaker, by attacking him backstage to weaken him and keep him out of competition for a couple of months... but the Undertaker seems prepared to bring the fight to Kane at the next PPV even though he doesn't seem 100% yet.

Abyss has shown dominance over a top-tiered wrestler, Rob Van Dam, by attacking him backstage to weaken him and keep him out of competition for nearly a couple of months... but RVD seems prepared to bring the fight to Abyss at the next PPV even though he doesn't seem 100% yet.

The Undertaker being taken out of action was the result of an injury to his orbital bone and this story was crafted around creating an explanation for his absence. In the process, the Undertaker lost a shot to win the World Heavyweight Champion. His replacement, Rey Mysterio, won the belt and, then, lost it to Kane.

Rob Van Dam being taken out of action was the result of his contract status with TNA that limits his number of appearances. In the process, he vacated the TNA World Heavyweight Championship and the new champion is being determined through a tournament that will end at the next PPV... where RVD will also return to simply fight Abyss.

The Kane/Chris Masters match was surprisingly decent.

The Abyss/Rob Terry match was pretty fucking bad.

The promo segment to close Smackdown advanced the story well and reintroduced a person from previous feuds between the Undertaker and Kane.

The promo segment to close Impact... um, had people doing stuff that added nothing to the story.

I found the similarities in broad concepts interesting and the executions even more so, because there really was a disparity. (On another note, after rewriting Raw as if it were booked by TNA, I wanted to rewrite Impact as if it were booked by the WWE, but, honestly, couldn't think of a way to do it. I guess this little comparison shows some of what I would have changed with Impact to make it more like the WWE...)

Hell's Kitchen Season 8.01 & 8.02

2010-09-26T01:00:00.001-04:00

Okay, this shit has gone around the bend.

There aren't too many reality TV shows I watch. That number has increased in my time with Michelle, mostly by adding the odd food-related show into the mix. Hell's Kitchen is a show I've always found entertaining/interesting because it's, presumably, people trying to win their dream job and fucking up a lot. The struggle is engaging -- and it's somewhat nice to see people being given a shot where they'll live or die based on how good they are. It's basically "You want this fantastic chef position? Fucking prove it." I can get behind that sort of thing. The competition aspect is based around preparing food and, if you do it well, you'll keep on going; you fuck up, you may be done. Every cool job should have a show like this.

Except every year, more and more of the early episodes are based around competitors that aren't going to win and are there simply because they will make things interesting and make you want to keep watching. This season, after two episodes (aired back-to-back), it's just shameless.

First up, we have Antonia, a line cook, who, in the first competition where the task was prepare your signature dish, produced a gumbo so awful that it made Ramsay (apparently) vomit, at which point he passed it around and everyone who tasted it reacted in a similar fashion. Later, during preparation for service, Antonia suffered a migraine that involved her shaking, clutching her head, and basically looking like she was a reject from a Cronenberg movie. She was then sent to the hospital, never to be heard from again. Michelle and I were puzzled, wondering if that was real, because it looked so absurd and staged. Person makes apparently shitty food, suffers from a medical condition that looks acted, and is gone... all on the first episode?

Then, there's Raj, the personal chef that has more cooking experience than anyone on the show (including Ramsay) and doesn't seem to understand anything. He gets drunk and starts doing karate moves. He bumbles around and can't cook anything. In the second episode, Ramsay confronts him about a ticket just called and Raj sort of shuffles around before admitting he didn't "quite catch it." He was up for elimination in both episodes and passed over despite obviously being among the worst (if not the worst out of the bunch). In the preview for the third episode, he seemingly attacks another chef with a knife. Yes. SEEMINGLY ATTACKS ANOTHER CHEF WITH A KNIFE.

Sabrina, a prep chef, had an attitude problem throughout, fights constantly with everyone on her team, brought food up to the pass way ahead because she couldn't coordinate anything, and, then, wanted someone else kicked off when she was brought up for elimination because that person snores. She's not as bad as Raj, but her near-tearful cries of "But I wanted you to see the food I made for you!" to Ramsay make me think her elimination will be coupled with an awkward moment where she lunges at him and tries to fuck him right there in the restaurant.

The eliminated chefs were a woman who cooked a little too slowly and a guy who couldn't get sushi rolls right. Both weren't going to win, but, come on, are you telling me the bumbling buffoon and crazy stalker lady have a shot in hell? It's almost not worth watching this shit until there's five episodes left, the crazies have all gone home, and you're left with the people you didn't know were on the show for the first few weeks, because they are actual human beings. Tucker had the right idea.

Smarkass Comments: NXT 09.21.10

2010-09-22T23:49:00.001-04:00

Watching the third episode of NXT Season 3, Michelle and I both wondered what the point of this is. The quality has devolved to the point where the people watching it on TV shit on what's happening, the critics shit on what's happening, the live audience shits on what's happening, the announcers shit on what's happening, and even the performers shit on what's happening. The message is loud and clear: this show is rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreally fucking bad and the WWE knows it. So, why is it continuing on this path instead of switching to become something better? Why not try to improve things? Some have speculated that since NXT is on its way out, losing its TV deal when Smackdown switches to SyFy (the current home of NXT) next week, that the WWE is going to bury it on its way out. It didn't fail because the WWE couldn't sell it, it failed because it just didn't work no matter what they tried. I don't quite grasp the logic either, but it's hard to know what's going in Vince McMahon's head.

Personally, I don't buy that argument anyway. Why bury your show? Then again, I can't really think of a better reason for why the show is so goddamn bad. It's like they took the worst parts of the previous two NXT seasons (lame competitions/segments, unpolished/bad wrestlers) and lost the good parts (experienced/quality wrestlers, good use of the pros at times). It's baffling. While the truth behind what's going on at TNA right now would be a fascinating story, I would honestly be more interested in finding out the thinking behind NXT at this point. At least TNA tries to sell Impact as quality -- the WWE has given up on making NXT seem good. It's just a giant turd that they're stuck with for now and they've accepted that. Hell, they've embraced that and decided to let everyone know that they know.

A few random thoughts:

* CM Punk had a few good lines, but was pretty restrained.

* Um, if Aksana has been in the US since 2001, shouldn't she qualify for citizenship?

* When Michael Cole came out, I expected him to be carrying a half-empty bottle of whiskey and ranting...

* Naomi got the biggest pop of the night for calling the 'Talk the Talk' segment bullshit. And then they kept going.

* AJ dominated the night with two competition wins plus a victory in the ring. Considering she's the one with talent, best to just back her now.

* The musical chairs bit was pretty bad, especially since, yesterday, we happened to get to the point on disc three of The Best of Raw 15th Anniversary DVD where Eugene forced a bunch of people to play musical chairs to earn a title shot. That version at least had some storytelling with no one except Stacey Keibler and Jerry Lawler (wanting to follow Stacey and stare at her ass) participating at first... until the music stopped and everyone stood there for beat before making a mad dash for the chairs. Then, there was the green mist in Coach's face, Lawler sitting on Stacey's lap, Ric Flair shoving Stacey out of the way and then strutting only to miss a chance to sit in a chair. It also finished well with Chris Jericho grabbing the chair when Tomko tried to sit in it, hitting him with the chair, and then sitting in it himself to win. Yeah, it was kind of lame, but they at least tried to make it entertaining. Not so much this time.

Really, though, a bad show. And I don't know why it has to be that way.

TNA Raw: What if WWE Raw was TNA Impact?

2010-09-21T16:36:00.002-04:00

Last night, while watching Raw, Michelle and I played a game where we took the segments and rewrote them as if this were Impact and TNA was booking these segments.

Show Opening featuring WWE Champion Randy Orton and former Champion Sheamus
General Manager Bret Hart comes out and talks about how Night of Champions was a giant success and proved, once again, that the WWE is where everyone wants to be and why the WWE is the most dominant promotion in sports entertainment. And one of the reasons why the WWE is reigning at the top? The NEW WWE Champion... Randy Orton! Orton comes out and Hart keeps going on about how Orton is the exact type of champion the company needs, how he's going to raise the bar, is the best in the world, etc. Eventually, after a couple of minutes of Hart praising Orton, Sheamus comes out and demands a rematch... which Hart agrees to. In fact, he wants nothing more than to see Randy Orton and Sheamus fight at Hell in a Cell for the WWE Championship and continue to raise the bar for everyone in the WWE and all across sports entertainment, proving again why WWE is the place where everyone wants to be. But, then, Vince McMahon comes out, talks about how great Orton and Sheamus both are, how their match at Night of Champions with Edge, Chris Jericho, John Cena, and Wade Barrett was the best match he's ever seen and how it makes him so proud to be the Chairman of the WWE... but, he doesn't think that fans deserve to have to wait until Hell in a Cell, because they're going to have a non-title steel cage match tonight live on Raw. (Said match would start with five minutes left in the show and end with both men either pinning one another or both escaping at the exact same time...)

"Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre vs. Santino & Kozlov
With the Hart Dynasty out on commentary, they interfere in the match immediately, attacking Rhodes and McIntyre, and the match ends in a countout for some reason instead of a disqualification. Security tries to break up the brawl, but the four men keep finding new ways to escape and fight.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison
The match lasts a single segment instead of the two it took. Morrison still wins, but in a fluke victory that has Jericho pissed off and he attacks Morrison after the match.

Edge vs. Daniel Bryan
First off, Edge's backstage segment would have involved him talking to a documentary-style camera in the men's room, talking very quietly and seriously about how the GM is holding him back and screwing up his career -- his being booked to face Daniel Bryan being proof of this. The match itself would play out mostly how it did until the ending where Alex Riley and the Miz interfered (the Miz never cutting his promo -- he does that backstage to a documentary-style camera later in the show while he and Riley are texting on their phones) would have resulted in Edge beign disqualified, but the three men just beat the shit out of Bryan anyway, leaving him a bloody mess.

Layla vs. Melina
Everything happens exactly the same, but the match is five minutes longer. And there are more botches.

R-Truth & Eve vs. Ted DiBiase & Maryse
Nothing changes.

John Cena vs. Wade Barrett
Instead of Barrett changing it to a gauntlet match, Nexus simply tries to attack Cena, but Cena grabs the chair Barrett brought into the ring and begins to lay them all out but the show ends mid-brawl. The match that was announced at the end of Raw is actually announced online after the show is over. (I know this doesn't make sense with my change to Orton/Sheamus, but that was on purpose.)

Also, throw in some more backstage documentary-style interviews, some people walking around ranting about things that have nothing to do with the events of this episode, and something involving Goldust eating a hot dog, while looking very intensely at William Regal.

Smarkass Comments: Smackdown 09.17.10

2010-09-17T22:00:00.005-04:00

So, no podcasting with Tim tonight, because he's sick means that I get to watch Smackdown when it airs. Michelle is also busy, working on a new gym routine that all of the instructors are learning/practicing tomorrow, so I figured I'd write about Smackdown as it airs rather than after.

Fun/shitty note: this week's episode was taped in Detroit. Michelle and I didn't go for various reasons. But, one good thing about living in Windsor is that, between Detroit and Toronto/the rest of Southwestern Ontario, there are many, many chances to see live wrestling throughout the year. Hell, WWE just had this year's Over the Limit PPV in Detroit! They usually hit the Motor City two or three times a year. So, no worries.

Segment #1: Christian's Peep Show with Albert del Rio as a guest
I've been digging Alberto del Rio. He's good on the mic, has obvious charisma, and is decent in the ring. Pairing him with Christian for his first extended feud is a smart decision since it increases interest in Christian and gives del Rio a great, solid veteran to work with as he gets his footing in the WWE. I also love the nickname 'Juan Bradshaw Layfield.' A good way to start the show and del Rio not agreeing to a match until he's ready is a good heel move.

Segment #2: The Hart Dynasty vs. "Dashing" Cody Rhodes & Drew McIntyre
A solid match. I've been loving "Dashing" Cody Rhodes since he took on this gimmick. It's really given him a strong focus for his character, which was fairly generic before. That added bit has made him better in the ring. Pairing him with Drew McIntyre seems a waste except to put McIntyre in a position where he can improve. This was a solid match that sets up a match between the two duos on Sunday at Night of Champions. That this newly formed tag team is getting a title shot shows how weak the tag team division is in the WWE. [**]

Segment #3: Kofi Kingston cuts a promo before his match
A fairly solid promo by Kingston setting up his Intercontinental Championship shot against Dolph Ziggler at Night of Champions. Nothing special, but Kingston on the mic is rare. He's got some basic skill and just needs more mic time to improve.

Segment #4: Kofi Kingston vs. Jack Swagger
HA! Duelling chants of "Lets go, Swagger!"/"Lets go, Kofi!" towards the end... this match was basically Jack Swagger kicking the shit out of Kofi Kingston for 10-15 minutes until some good back-and-forth with Swagger still maintain an advantage. Once they hit that point, it became very engaging to watch. I don't quite buy Kingston's victory entirely, but he needed it going into Night of Champions. Swagger was just a little too dominant for it to work entirely. It reminds me a little of Rey Mysterio's title defence against JBL at Judgment Day 2006. They should have cut some of the middle out to make it a little less one-sided. Still, once it hit the back-and-forth of the end, it was really, really good. [***1/4]

Segment #5: Trying to teach Hornswoggle to talk
oh god no fuck me this shit is godawful

Segment #6: Kelly Kelly & Rosa Mendes vs. LayCool
Michelle McCool and Layla breathers because of 'Smelly Kelly' was kind of funny. The match was typical Diva shit. LayCool wins before Night of Champions and the unification match. [1/2*]

Segment #7: LayCool picks who will face Melina at Night of Champions
Kaval still hanging out with LayCool? Awesome. I really like LayCool. They have their act down and it's amusing. McCool rigging the choice seems like a fake-out on the duo's part. I still think that, after Night of Champions, we'll have Layla carrying the Womens Championship, while McCool has the Divas belt... until they eventually break up and feud against one another to determine the real Unified Womens Champion.

Segment #8: CM Punk vs. Christian
Going into this, I expected interference from Alberto del Rio based on the show's beginning and his being on commentary ringside and I was... right. del Rio distracted Christian near the end by getting the on mic, allowing Punk to get the win. The match itself wasn't amazing, but solid work by both men, two of the better performers in the WWE. The aftermath with del Rio and the Big Show was decent. Set up the Punk/Big Show match and continued the del Rio/Christian feud. [**1/2]

Segment #9: Kane answers the Undertaker
Kane has been on fire on the mic during this feud. He's really shown how great he can be -- articulate, passionate, and just plain interesting to watch. The Undertaker's entrance was great for when the lights came on and Kane was behind the Undertaker. 'Taker made a face you don't often see: the 'oh fuck me!' face of regret/annoyance. Then, Kane just destroying the Undertaker? Very well done. Definitely the way to end the show leading into Night of Champions.

All in all, a pretty good 'go home' show with almost every segment focusing on leading into a Night of Champions match in some way. Really pushing the PPV. Unlike Raw, you can tell where the focus of this episode was.

Smarkass Comments: NXT 09.07.10

2010-09-10T16:55:00.001-04:00

A few days late, but that's fine with me. Season three of NXT kicked off this week under somewhat strange cirumstances. Brief history lesson: NXT, which airs in the US on SyFy, is the replacement for ECW, the former 'third brand' of the WWE, which shrank in ratings as it went on, because no one gave a fuck. NXT is similar to ECW in that the point is to give younger talents a chance to perform on TV and improve their skills, against one another and veterans. ECW did this by acting like a regular wrestling show; NXT does it by being a competition. Start with eight rookies, pair them each up with a 'pro' and let them go, doing inane challenges, working in short matches, getting voted off one-by-one until one rookie is left as the winner, complete with a move to either Raw or Smackdown and a title shot on a PPV. The results have been mixed and the ratings not the improvement that SyFy wanted. So, SyFy will beginning airing Smackdown in October as the WWE flees the dying MyNetworkTV -- and doesn't want NXT anymore. Season two ended last week and that leaves a gap of five weeks, so the WWE did the smart, logical thing: they paired down the number of contestants to six and made it a show featuring women rookies. Yes, they appear to be trying to kill it off.

Now, the idea of NXT being women-only appealed to me quite a bit. I thought, prior to ECW ending but when its demise was heavily rumoured, that changing ECW to an all-Divas (as women wrestlers are called in the WWE) show would be interesting. Divas are, by and large, not good wrestlers. Their matches are thought of as a chance to go get some food, use the bathroom, whatever so long as it doesn't involve watching them wrestle. Part of this is the result of hiring women for their looks rather than their skills, but another part is that none of them are ever given a good chance to improve or get over with the audience. Each weekly TV show usually has one Diva segment at most, while numerous PPVs will go by with no Divas matches. That's not an environment where someone will improve and get over with the audience. But, an hour-long weekly show devoted exclusively to the Divas where they could all have stories and feuds, and get a chance to wrestle more? That sounded good to me. Probably a horrible business decision, but definitely interesting.

So, NXT season three being Divas only? Yeah, I'd give that a try. The results were... pretty fucking terrible. Former play-by-play man and current WWE.com ruler Joey Styles said that it was definitely more 'E' than 'W' (entertainment than wrestling, both parts of 'WWE') and I can see where he'd take that approach, except for one thing: it wasn't entertaining. It was kind of brutal to watch these six women, only a couple of which showed any skills that would suggest putting them on TV as women wrestlers. Their promo abilities? Shit. Stuck in a dance competition? The fuck? The longest match had the two rookies wrestle some more after it was over and try to go for a pin! The other match was thankfully short -- blink and you missed it.

Not sure if I'll tune in next week, but... then again, if it's only on TV for the next few weeks, it may be worth watching while I can. Though, what happens after its run ends on SyFy is still not certain. It may become a web-exclusive show or be incorporated into Raw and/or Smackdown. We'll see. The first episode, though, was really bad. When Michelle is scoffing and joining in my mockery, you know it's shit, because she's more inclined to either not care if it doesn't interest her or, well, just be a nicer person than I am. When she joins in, you're in trouble.

Climbing Up the Walls: Six Feet Under 4.05 "That's My Dog"

2010-09-07T01:40:00.001-04:00

For the past while, Michelle and I have been making our way through Six Feet Under. My mom watched the show religiously when it was on, so I got her the complete series a few years back when I was flush with fat grad school money and borrowed it the last time I was visiting (well, exchanged her complete series set of The Sopranos for it...). I can't remember when we started watching it. Sometime in July, I assume, but the seasons are pretty short (13 episodes each for the first three seasons, 12 for the last two), so who knows. It's a fine show. It took a little bit to win both of us over, but we're in a good groove now, watching the first six episodes of the fourth season today (for example). Like with most shows you just plough through on DVD, watching it in such quick succession hides some of the flaws (or makes them easier to ignore), but also heightens the attachment to characters. At least for me. You're spending so much time with them that it's hard not to feel more engaged with their little worlds. Tune in an hour every week with the odd break week and it's easy to maintain a casual distance, but a few hours every couple of days? You're in deep.

Which brings me to the fifth episode of season four, "That's My Dog." It's not the best episode of television I've ever seen, but it's one of the most disturbing. In fact, it's probably one of the most disturbing pieces of entertainment/art I've come across ever, mostly because it was created within the context of a television show. The episode seems like a regular episode of show with various subplots working, including one where David, the uptight-but-kind gay funeral director, stops to help a guy who says he's out of gas and just needs a ride to the nearest gas station. Something isn't right, obviously, but what happens is completely unexpected. You expect a robbery, you expect maybe some violence, but you get the entire episode hijacked along with David as the guy terrorises him, alternately being friendly and threatening to kill David. We're talking near escape gone wrong, forced drug use, lies, manipulation, a nasty beating, having a gun stuck in his mouth, gasoline poured on him with the threat of being burned alive... and with no explanation. At one time, David just asks why, how could someone do this to another person, how could they be so oblivious to their pain and suffering... and gets no answer. Mostly because what answer works? (The show revolves around pain and suffering without any answers, but this one seems worse, because the cause is sitting right there. Usually, it's the vague concept of how god could let someone die, but this... shit.)

I kept waiting for it all to be a dream since the show uses dreams/fantasies/hallucinations often, but it wasn't. It was a character that I'd grown quite attached to being put through hell while I watched. Part of me wanted to turn it off, part of me wanted to just cry, and part of me demanded I keep watching because I had to know what happens -- I had to see David somehow survive, for something good to happen.

I've seen stuff like this before in movies or comics or books... shorter versions, ones that didn't affect me as much, but this... this just left me sad and freaked out a little. I mean, this is your worst nightmare isn't it: you trying to help another human being who does everything they can to hurt and humiliate and tear you down like you're nothing? How do you watch something like that and not walk away slightly freaked out?

But, this was happening to someone I cared about -- even if he was just a fictional character. And that's something that television can do better than film, I think, because of its longform serialised nature: it makes you care more. Part of what makes this episode so powerful is that David Fisher is someone we've known for 43 episodes prior to this one. That's around 36 hours of television (which he wasn't on screen for all of, obviously, but still). Thirty-six hours of watching him struggle with his homosexuality, his relationship with Keith, his family, his business, everything... and then we have to watch him get punched and robbed and kidnapped and bullied and degraded and FUCK! It's just so damn cruel and effective.

The formula is also a tool here, because, like I said, the entire show is hijacked along with David. Once he's punched by his attacker, there are no other subplots. It's just those two guys and us as we watch. We can't escape, because David can't escape. It's not until the end, when he's walking down the street in a shitty neighbourhood, beaten, clothes torn and dirty, covered in gasoline, and a cop car stops -- he's found, not rescued -- that we get to leave as the episode fades to white.

We had to watch the next episode if only so that wasn't our last experience with the show of the day. Because, fuck, he didn't deserve that and, honestly, neither did we. But, hey, that's life and that's some damn good television... not necessarily enjoyable or entertaining, but well-crafted, well-executed, and a great use of the medium.

Culture: American Shopping & Food

2010-09-05T00:02:00.002-04:00

Not exactly popculture, but wanted to do some random, quick thoughts on the short shopping trip Michelle and I took to Detroit (well, Troy) today.

* Michelle wanted to go to a mall she'd heard about from people called, oddly, the Somerset Collection. It's in Troy, Michigan, which is... part of Detroit, kind of... like a related town/city that falls into the General Detroit Area, I guess? I could be wrong. Anyway, this mall, I was told, has two parts: one side for regular shoppers and one side for wealthy shoppers. The two parts are divided by a street, joined by a skywalk. Sounded strange to me, but whatever.

* I hate crossing the border. American border guards just unnerve me with their rudeness and stupid, inane questions. My favourite is still from just under three years ago when I was going to a Neil Young concert in Detroit. I took the tunnel bus across and was asked how long I'd be in Detroit and said until the concert is over. A reasonable answer. Not for the border guard who demanded to know how long that would be... because I tell Neil Young how long to play for... Never had a good experience with border guards. And, trust me, if you look at me and think you're dealing with someone you should be worried about, you're too paranoid.

* The mall was a mall. Except for a lack of a single bookstore or music/DVD store. What the fuck?

* The food court was odd, for us, since there weren't any food chains represented... at least none that we recognised. They all seemed like generic stands. I'm used to food courts with KFC, New York Fries, Dairy Queen, Taco Bell... you know, places you've heard of outside of food courts.

* Michelle was once again reminded that I'm a better shopper than she is. Just a fact. Give me a mission and I will get it done quickly, efficiently, and for a good price. Then again, I've read studies that suggest men are better shoppers, so...

* One of our goals was to hit White Castle since I love burgers and it's a chain that isn't in Canada. I've heard about it and wanted to give their (in)famous sliders a shot. Michelle found the closest one online and it happened to be located next to a 7-Eleven, which is great, because that would give me a chance to check out any Slurpee differences, different types of chips, and different types of pop. I may like to eat crap, but I revel and love that crap.

* At White Castle, we decided to play it relatively safe and try a few things. Since I'm not a cheeseburger fan (don't like cheese on my burgers), I got three sliders and a pulled pork sandwhich, while Michelle got a slider, a bacon cheeseburger, a jalapeno cheeseburger, and a pulled pork sandwich. Prior to ordering, we asked what comes on the burgers and were informed that only ketchup and mustard are standard. This was a lie as we found out later, since onions and pickles are also standard. This didn't bother me, but Michelle prefers his burgers with no toppings at all.

* Ah, the slider... it was pretty disgusting. I like greasy burgers, I do, but even I balk when the bun is so greasy, it sticks to the cardboard container it rests in. I didn't want to touch the thing. But, whatever, it could still be good... not so much. It lacked flavour... I couldn't taste the meat, so overpowering were the pickles, onions, mustard (there was ketchup?), and, well, the taste of the greasy bun itself. On such a small burger, they really needed to lay off the toppings a little. Its texture was also unpleasant. The pulled pork sandwich was tasty, though. Michelle and I both enjoyed those quite a bit. The sliders... well, I ate her regular one because of the extra toppings. I managed to eat three-and-a-half of the four I had before just not wanting to shove that shit in my mouth. Michelle also quit halfway through her last one. While White Castle was disappointing, I was glad to finally give it a try, because now I know that it's not great. No more wondering and wanting to give it a try. (Also, eight burgers for seven bucks? Not a bad deal if you like 'em.)

* 7-Eleven was fun as I learned that Americans have such a weird selection of chips. In some areas, you have many different and odd flavours -- endless variations on BBQ from Lays, for example, except for... well, BBQ. Ruffles, a favourite of mine, has few flavours. Apparently, All Dressed is a flavour only available in Canada. Weird. No Sour Cream and Bacon, either? Doritos were mostly the same with the random different flavour, or name... I think our 'Sweet Chili Heat' is called 'Spicy Sweet Chili' or something. It was a little disappointing, but I did get a small bag of Sweet & Spicy Buffalo Wing Lays (that I'm having tomorrow thanks to being full tonight on slushy and supper).

* The clerk at 7-Eleven stopped me when I went to fill up my Slurpee mug, because they don't have refillable mugs for Slurpees, just Big Gulps? After inspecting the mug and seeing that, yes, it IS a 7-Eleven Slurpee mug, he let me fill it. I went with Coke, which was more carbinated than it is here. Michelle got a small Pina Colada one. I did enjoy that there were two straw sizes.

* Also got a 2L bottle of Cherry Coke, since they stopped making that here years ago. Was disappointed to find no Vanilla Coke. Michelle got a Twix ice cream treat and liked it quite a bit.

* We stopped at Kroeger's, a grocery store, to check things out a bit more, seeing a wide variety of chips -- kettle chips Lays? I guess we just have Miss Vickie's...

* Discovered Vanilla Coke... but it was only sold in cases of twelve cans at a price that's higher than our 12-packs, which was strange. Did notice that Pepsi is available in a few different varieties like 1 calorie Pepsi (why that AND zero calorie Pepsi?) and 'Throwback' Pepsi made with REAL sugar... what the fuck?

* Michelle nearly went crazy in the ice cream aisle with a few flavours not seen here.

* It was busier getting back into Canada than the other way around... strange.

All in all, a pleasant day. Nothing really interesting except to Michelle and I. But, it was fun.

Link Roundup

2010-08-24T17:03:00.002-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* High Road/Low Road on the TNA Television Title
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 08.19.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 21

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (August 18 2010)
* Hellboy: One for One

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Age of Heroes #4
* Amazing Spider-Man #640
* Avengers & the Infinity Gauntlet #1
* X-Files/30 Days of Night #2
* The Boys: Highland Laddie #1
* Witchblade: Due Process #1

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (August 24, 2010)

Splash Page Podcast
* Splash Page Podcast episode 28

SpongeBob SquarePants 1.3 (Jellyfishing / Plankton!), 1.4 (Naughty Nautical Neighbors / Boating School) & 1.5 (Pizza Delivery / Home Sweet Pineapple)

2010-08-22T23:20:00.001-04:00

[I continue to make my way through my SpongeBob Squarepanets DVDs...]

I think I may have gotten Michelle into the show. Well, not quite, but she wanted to do some cross-stitching this afternoon and I put this on, showing her "Bubblestand" as a sample episode. She enjoyed it (but didn't like SpongeBob's bubble blowing technique!) and was amused that I laughed so hard at Tom Kenny's "Bring it around town" rendition. She watched episodes 1.4 and 1.5 with me after that, and enjoyed parts of it. That's better than I expected for some reason. She did agree with my Looney Tunes/classic cartoon comparison.

Episode 1.3 (Jellyfishing / Plankton!)

The relationship of the sentient beings in the SpongeBob underwater world and the 'animals' is an odd one. SpongeBob has a pet snail and chases after jellyfish, which are treated like violent butterflies. Why are these creatures non-sentient? What makes a sponge or plankton inherently more advanced? Granted, there are hints of intelligence, but that's standard for this sort of thing. The bottom line is that there's a divide here and it seems somewhat random. Now, if it were only fish that were sential, I'd get it. Despite there being dozens (hundreds? thousands?) of species of fish, there's a common link there. Throw in dolphins and whales, and you're set. But why lobsters and crabs, but not snails? Why starfish, but not jellyfish? It's somewhat baffling.

"Jellyfishing" and "Plankton!" didn't blow me away. "Jellyfishing" basically had SpongeBob and Patrick torturing Squidward for no reason, while the jellyfish come off as both victims and total dicks. Some nice gags like the opening music, but not one I really enjoyed.

"Plankton!" introduces the show's main villain: a small, green, evil plankton named Plankton. He owns a rival burger place to the Krusty Krab called the Chum Bucket and his quest in life is to obtain a Krabby Patty to analyse it and reproduce it with the hopes of putting the Krusty Krab out of business. It's pretty inane stuff and, really, shouldn't be that hard to accomplish. But, of course, it is. I like how Plankton revels in his evilness by playing evil, bombastic music at the end of his evil monologues. SpongeBob not realising he's being controlled by Plankton was funny since it makes you wonder what his internal world is like. He must be used to his body just doing as it wishes.

Despite "Plankton!" being a 'big' episode, it doesn't feel like a proper introduction to Plankton. It's too small scale. Too wacky. The plot is the sort you expect for his third episode, not his first.

Episode 1.4 (Naughty Nautical Neighbors / Boating School)

There's a nice recovery with these two episodes. "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" is a simple morality play, while "Boating School" shows SpongeBob in the outside world a little more. They both play up the physical humour well. In the first, Squirdward is annoyed by the fact that SpongeBob and Patrick are having fun, sending messages to one another via bubbles, and he ruins it by creating his own messages. As a result, he soon has the two of them competing to be his best friend. In the second, SpongeBob wants his boating license, but can't pass the road test because of nerves.

"Naughty Nautical Neighbors" reminded me of sleepovers when I was a kid. I don't know how everyone else's sleepovers tended to go, but it was common for me (and my sisters and on The Cosby Show, too) for there to be a fight with my friend, causing ten to twenty minutes of hating one another before making up and forgetting that there was ever any problem. It didn't happen every time, but it seems like it did. Kids are weird like that. You hate someone, you like them again... I got in a fight once in the first or second grade when a friend was being mean to my sister, but we were best friends again when he accidentally knocked out a loose tooth (meaning I'd get Tooth Fairy money). That's what happens here. A stupid little argument seems like the end of the world for SpongeBob and Patrick, but they eventually make up and it's like there never was an argument. It was all stupid minor shit. No worries.

"Boating School" has a fantastic moment where Patrick is helping SpongeBob with his road test after they shoved a radio in his head, so Patrick could tell him what to do while watching through a telescope. I'm slightly bothered by the idea that Patrick is not only a good driver, but he's good enough to guide SpongeBob from miles away. But, the road test is almost over the poor, beleaguered woman, Mrs. Puff, that teaches at the boating school is so happy that SpongeBob has finally gotten over his nerves that she wonders aloud how it could have happened, laughing the entire time -- and she describes the Patrick/SpongeBob scheme exactly. Except she's laughing and SpongeBob is laughing, too, until she mentions that would be cheating.

STOP EVERYTHING

SpongeBob freaks the fuck out. He's cheating. He's cheating! He just flips his shit, starts screaming "I think I'm cheating!" over and over again, loses control of the car, and crashes. Sometimes, SpongeBob is such a child.

Episode 1.5 (Pizza Delivery / Home Sweet Pineapple)

"Pizza Delivery" coming right after "Boating School" had me thinking that they just did two boating-related stories in a single episode. I lost track of how many stories I'd seen, so it seemed like a nice continuation, of sorts. It still works that way. SpongeBob and Squidward have to deliver the first ever Krusty Krab pizza right at closing (mostly because it's a chance for Mr. Krabs to make some money and that's what he loves most). Things go wrong when Squidward makes SpongeBob drive. All he has to do is back out of the parking space. Instead, he begins backing up and keeps on backing up until they run out of gas in the middle of nowhere. What ensues is them lost, tired, SpongeBob saying ridiculous things that he heard the pioneers did, Squidward wanting to eat the pizza that SpongeBob insists is for the customer. It all culminates in them finally delivering it and the customer being a giant asshole, claiming that SpongeBob forgot the drink he ordered despite not ordering a drink. When it nearly breaks SpongeBob, Squidward shoves the pizza (in the box) down the guy's throat.

This is a nice classic premise of characters stranded in the middle of nowhere. SpongeBob annoys Squidward while clinging to his faith in serving the customer. We get to see SpongeBob pushed to the limit of sanity as his idealism is nearly crushed by the reality that some people are loud, boorish assholes. Squidward shows his softer side by protecting SpongeBob from his awful truth. This was a needed episode as it at least established that Squidward isn't all bad. We had hints of that in "Naughty Nautical Neighbors" when he was enthused/surprised at SpongeBob wanting to play him some music (until SpongeBob played, of course...).

"Home Sweet Pineapple" does little for me. SpongeBob's house is eaten (or, more properly, drank) by nematodes. It's an amusing idea that never really works after it happens. I enjoyed the nematodes drinking the house and, somehow, that meant objects inside were drank, too. After that happens, SpongeBob looks forced to move back with his parents, but tries two things first: building a new house with Patrick and, then, staying with Patrick. Neither work out. Both have the odd decent gag, but, like I said, it never really works entirely. It's a fine, decent, average sort of episode. The solution at the end is eye-rolling.

More as I watch them...

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 08.20.10

2010-08-20T23:41:00.002-04:00

I guess I didn't discuss last week's episode at all... ah well. Some quick thoughts:

* I'm not loving the Dolph Ziggler/Kofi Kingston feud. I'd like to actually see a clean finish to a match. The matches have been fine, but neither guy is delivering stunning performances yet. I had hoped they would really up their game at SummerSlam this weekend given the event's history of fantastic Intercontinental Championship matches (for some reason, I always think of SummerSlam as the IC belt's PPV), but booking kind of fucked that up.

* Hmm... now Matt Striker is insulting internet wrestling fans. Considering a big part of his fanbase as a commentator is that audience, it seems odd. Or, McMahon has a giant bug up his ass about the IWC. That seems to be in the air right now with the people running the WWE and TNA, I guess. Then again, I can understand the WWE taking that stance since it's got a solid fanbase outside of that group... TNA, though...

* I really do like LayCool. They have their act down.

* Glenn Jacobs (Kane) has upped his game on the promos. His work tonight was the best yet. Confident, emotional, delivered perfectly. I want to see Jacobs taking up stage acting once he retires. I've thought for a while that wrestlers interested in acting should look to plays since their talent as speakers is performing in front of a live audience and emoting on a large scale. It seems like a nicer fit than film or TV, honestly. It's why backstage segments never work as well as they should.

* "Dashing" Cody Rhodes is awesome. He just is.

* Enjoyed the Drew McIntyre/Christian match. Not convinced that Christian going over was the right move entirely. Not sure what to think of a Rhodes/McIntyre alliance either. We'll see how that plays out.

* Alberto Del Rio was decent in the ring against Rey Rey and getting the win is big. We'll see how long this push lasts.

All in all, a fine episode.

Edit: Forgot about the mixed tag match, which was Serena's first match at this level. I liked her in the ring. She isn't amazing, but she looked just as good as a lot of other Divas who are with the company... and have won belts... Her doing a variation on the Go to Sleep was exactly what I wanted and my first instinct suggestion for a name is the 'Stomach Pump.' Not a fantastic name, but it suits the SES. Also, it occurred to me that, with Tiffany suspended, Smackdown currently has one active face Diva. Four heels, one face. Wow.

SpongeBob SquarePants 1.1 (Reef Blower / Tea at the Treedome) and 1.2 (Bubblestand / Ripped Pants)

2010-08-18T01:21:00.001-04:00

It's something of a joke in my family that I like SpongeBob SquarePants. Somehow, even with the comics and the wreslting and the other geeky things I like, SpongeBob stands out. I simply find it to be a funny, inventive cartoon that has a shot of standing amongst the best of all time. A bold statement, but having just rewatched the first two episodes of the show, it's an easy statement to make.

I've decided to do short posts as I work my way through the DVDs I have (which is up through the first volume of season four plus The SpongeBobe SquarePants Movie) and discuss whatever occurs to me.

Episode 1.1 (Reef Blower / Tea at the Treedome)

First off, the DVD doesn't break the show down into the episodes it aired as, it simply presents each segment/story on its own. I'm grouping them together to try and get a sense of how they work within the context first shown.

Second off, this episode is missing a key part, the pilot of the show, "Help Wanted." It's not included on the first season DVD for copyright reasons of some sort. It does show up as a bonus feature in the third season set, so I'll discuss it then. Why? Because I am too lazy to switch DVD sets. Plus, while I'm trying to replicate the original airing feel, I also want to see how it works on DVD.

"Reef Blower" actually works very well as a first episode in an insane way that probably doesn't actually work. It's the show's only silent episode, which is part of the charm for me if it were the first exposure to the show that someone has. Something I always enjoyed about Looney Tunes and other classic cartoons was the mixture of regular ones and silent ones. The focus on visuals to tell the story completely is interesting and shows off how creative the makers of the cartoon are. Since SpongeBob is very strong visually, I'm kind of surprised they wouldn't do the occasional silent segment... then again, that probably doesn't play well with executives or, possibly, the voice talent.

This story revolves around Squidward noticing a piece of reef on his lawn and tossing it onto SpongeBob's. SpongeBob responds by usins his reef blower to get rid of it. This creates problems for Squidward as SpongeBob blows sand all over the place. The final result is SpongeBob's property looking great and the rest of the neighbourhood (especially Squidward's lawn) having big sand piles.

You get a good sense of the show's over-the-top antics with SpongeBob using his reef blower. One part that sticks out is the blower breaking and requiring some extra muscle to pull the ignition cord, so SpongeBob drags it a few blocks, let's go to wipe his hands off, but the cord stays in place, so he can be pulled back when he grabs it again. Basic visual gag, but done well.

"Tea at the Treedome" introduces Sandy Cheeks, a squirrel that lives in Bikini Bottom and acts, intially, as something of a love interest for SpongeBob. Sandy is a strange character in that she's a squirrel that lives at the bottom of the ocean and is apparently from Texas. Not exactly the sort of character you'd expect on a show like this. She walks around in a deepsea suit. The conflict comes when, in an effort to impress her, SpongeBob claims he loves air, not knowing what air is. His best friend, Patrick (a starfish) confuses it with 'airs' as in 'putting on airs' and instructs SpongeBob that he needs to act classy, mostly by holding his pinky up -- the higher the pinky is, the classier he is. When SpongeBob goes to Sandy's dome, he immediately begins to dry out, but tries to hide how awful it is from Sandy to avoid spoiling their time together. The dried up version of SpongeBob is pretty well designed. You also get to see the timing of the show as they often hold back those extra few seconds before having SpongeBob act to create some anticipation. His constant fakes towards diving into Sandy's birdbath to get rehydrated is fantastic as they keep teasing it and teasing it, making the payoff all the better. They also show their willingness to go beyond traditional animation when we see SpongeBob and Patrick both completely dried out and replaced with a real sponge and starfish.

All in all, the first episode (minus "Help Wanted") has some good gags, mostly predicated on visual storytelling. That's an area I find a lot of cartoons fall down on, but SpongeBob kicks it off with lots of wacky, over-the-top visuals.

Episode 1.2 (Bubblestand / Ripped Pants)

"Bubblestand" has some really funny character bits:

* SpongeBob trying to build a stand to sell turns at blowing bubbles quietly and not accomplishing anything.

* Patrick having to keep borrowing quarters to purchase a chance to blow a bubble and, then, lessons at blowing a bubble. For added humour, SpongeBob bites the quarter he lends Patrick after Patrick returns it as payment to see if it is a legitimate coin.

* The amount of time they spend on Patrick trying (and failing) to blow a bubble is insane. It never seems to end and it becomes awkward almost.

* SpongeBob's bubbleblowing technique is horribly involved, which makes it funnier. His pelvic thrusts while yelling "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" and his 'bringin' it around town' circular hip movement are highlights.

* A second punchline to the technique comes when SpongeBob blows intricate bubbles that also produce sound effects.

* Squidward dismissing the bubbles as pointless and childish before being tempted to blow some himself is done well. You can see him debating it in his head (not literally) and, when he goes to do it, SpongeBob and Patrick are there to charge him a quarter. He blows sad bubbles that fall to the ground immediately. In his frustration, after doing SpongeBob's technique he creates a giant bubble by screaming into the blower.

SpongeBob is insane and childish, while Patrick is a bit more serious/even more childish, and Squidward plays off both well. It's also hard to get Tom Kenny saying "Bring it around town. Bring it a-rouuuuund town!" out of your head.

"Ripped Pants" is a weaker episode, but deals with an idea that some could use against the show: running a joke into the ground. Jealous of the muscular Larry the Lobster, SpongeBob tries to lift some weights (well, a stick with marshmallows on it) and rips his pants. It gets laughs, so he keeps doing it until it doesn't anymore. It just bores people and, eventually, annoys them. This show sometimes runs jokes into the ground in a similar way, so this episode acts as a pre-emptive critique of sorts. One notable bit is the use of a musical number with a song produced by the Hot Olives, a group that occasionally opened for the Beach Boys. I used to say that SpongeBob SquarePants reminded me of Family Guy in its technique (the willingness to draw a joke out through extended silence, to break from traditional visuals/storytelling, and how it will go off on a tangent or run a joke into the ground through repetition) and this episode shows that off quite a bit.

So far, a decent start to the show. It hasn't stuck to the same characters too much beyond SpongeBob and we haven't even seen the Krusty Krab (though it was introduced in "Help Wanted"). I like the shorter stories/segments as well. I'm looking forward to watching more.

Link Roundup

2010-08-17T17:24:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* Wrestling Top Five Must See Matches
* Movies Top Five Expendables Draft Picks
* High Road/Low Road on the 7-on-7 SummerSlam Match
* PPV Roundtable on WWE SummerSlam
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 08.12.10 Whole F'N Show
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 20

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (August 11 2010)
* Fragments & Impressions: I Never Liked You by Chester Brown

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Morning Glories #1
* Hack/Slash: My First Maniac #3
* Ultimate Comics Avengers 3 #1
* Steve Rogers: Super-Soldier #2
* The Thanos Imperative #3
* Thor the Mighty Avenger #3

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (August 17, 2010)

Splash Page Podcast
* Splash Page Podcast episode 27

Smarkass Reviews: WWE Royal Rumble 2009

2010-08-16T00:20:00.001-04:00

I've been to two WWE live shows. The first was an ECW/Smackdown tapping on May 6, 2008 (ECW aired that night, Smackdown aired on May 9) in London, Ontario, and that was really fun. The second was the 2009 Royal Rumble in Detroit after Michelle got us tickets as my Christmas/birthday present. I was very excited since the Royal Rumble is my favourite PPV of the year. I love the Royal Rumble match and how it kicks off the stories leading to WrestleMania. Seeing it live was insane. Since I'd been to the show, this was also the first PPV I bought on DVD, so I could have a permanent reminder of that night. The night itself was fun, but cold. Cold and Michelle had hurt her ankle, so she couldn't walk too quickly. But, it was great. So, let's take a quick walk down memory lane...

Match #1: ECW Championship Match -- Jack Swagger (C) vs. Matt Hardy
How far we've come in a year-and-a-half. Pretty much everyone involved in this match is on Smackdown now, including Tony Chimel (ring announcer) and Matt Striker & Todd Grisham (commentators). They talk up Swagger's potential and, yeah, I'd say he lived up to some of that. The ECW title was huge, physically. I loved that belt -- the final, silver version they had. This match was fine. Nothing special really. You could see the beginnings of Swagger's ability, while Hardy did a good job in making Swagger look decent. Odd moment when Hardy goes for a moonsault and it was one of the worst moonsaults I've ever seen. Nearly botched entirely. This was the sort of match I hate: a guy wins the belt just before the PPV, so he's going to retain automatically. More about giving Swagger a chance to do some PPV work than anything else.
Winner and STILL ECW Champion: Jack Swagger [**1/2]

Match #2: WWE Women's Championship Match -- Beth Phoenix (C) vs. Melina
Wow, a Divas match that didn't constantly make me cringe. This was a good effort by both women and has one of the few memorable Divas spots: Beth Phoenix bending Melina's leg back and using it to beat Melina in the head. For some reason, the ref broke that up and I can't figure out why except that if it continued much longer, Melina would have lost right there and then. Melina won and looked pretty good doing it in the upset. Fun fact: for Halloween in 2008, Michelle and I dressed up as Beth Phoenix and Santino Marella.
Winner and NEW WWE Women's Champion: Melina [**]

Match #3: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match -- John Cena (C) vs. JBL
The story here was JBL employing Shawn Michaels after Michaels lost all of his savings in the economic crash of 2008. Prior to the match, JBL promises Michaels all of the money JBL would have paid him over the course of his employment, a release from JBL's employment, and a Royal Rumble spot if Michaels makes sure JBL wins the belt off Cena. After JBL leaves, Michaels turns and there's the Undertaker to say "Sometimes, it's Hell trying to get into Heaven." Nice tease for their WrestleMania match. This match was enjoyable. Cena started strong, but JBL's brutality and the odd distraction from Michaels shifted things JBL's way for a lot of the match. The big moment came when JBL accidentally nailed the ref with a big boot and Michaels entered the ring, delivering a superkick to JBL and THEN! hit one on Cena, too. He put JBL's body on Cena and went to the back to get a ref. But, he took too long and Cena kicked out, hit the FU, and retained the belt. A solid, entertaining match that set up the match at No Way Out between Michaels and JBL.
Winner and STILL WWE World Heavyweight Champion: John Cena [***]

Match #4: No Disqualification Match for the WWE Championship -- Jeff Hardy (C) vs. Edge
Hardy had won the title (his first world championship) the previous month in a triple threat match against Triple H and Edge. Prior to this match, Vickie Guerrero (then-Smackdown General Manager and 'wife' of Edge) came out and made it a no DQ match. This match was a fun one to see live, because I'm a fan of Edge, but not a Jeff Hardy fan really, so I cheered Edge and booed Hardy. This little kid, maybe eight or nine sitting in front of us noticed and it blew his mind. He looked at me and couldn't fathom how someone could cheer for Edge, while also booing Jeff Hardy. For the rest of the match, we would cheer/boo for our respective people while giving looks to one another. Yes, I started a feud against a little kid at a wrestling event (in good fun, I must add). This match was really strong, I thought. Hardy was motivated and both men worked their asses off. There was a spot that tells you everything you need to know about the Jeff Hardy character: he jumps off a ladder through the announce table on Chavo Guerrero, who was at ringside. Yeah, he risked an injury and getting beat down to take out someone other than his opponent. Hardy in a nutshell. This was also the match that finished the big story of someone trying to take Hardy out permanently. It was apparently supposed to be Christian's return to the WWE, but that's what everyone assumed, so the WWE swerved and went with... Matt Hardy. Yet another example of McMahon choosing 'surprising' over 'good.' It didn't make much sense when Matt nailed Jeff with a chair and it didn't work as a feud, but it would have made sense with Christian. I wonder how it would have played out with Christian instead. Nonetheless, a better match than I remember. Hardy looked especially impressive. It puts his recent work at TNA into perspective a bit.
Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Edge [***3/4]

Match #5: Royal Rumble Match
I'll do this one bullet point style.

* The match began with Rey Mysterio and John Morrison. Watching it tonight, I ranted about Mysterio being a chickenshit pussy coward. Michelle disagreed. What? He is! He attacks people without notice and runs away. He spends most of the Royal Rumble on the ground, clinging to the ropes. He always relies on being the 'underdog' to act as a reason to not stand up and fight with honour. He acts like a heel most of the time. It's funny how people love him.

* Before the first entry, Mysterio was on the ground, clinging to the bottom rope.

* Number of people in the match no longer with the WWE: five (Carlito, Mike Knox, The Brian Kendrick, Shelton Benjamin, and "Hacksaw" Jim Duggan) plus Rob Van Dam, but his appearance was a 'one night only' thing, so that doesn't count. Still, a year-and-a-half later and 20% of the people in this match aren't with the WWE anymore.

* I assume that Cryme Tyme were given the spot being held for Shawn Michaels in case JBL won the belt, because they needed to flip a coin to see who would enter the Rumble. JTG cheated and used a double-sided coin. Thus began Shad seeing that it needed to be his tyme.

* Kozlov enters the match and immediately eliminates the Great Khali. It's funny to see old Kozlov stuff where he was booked as a threat. Now? He teams up with Santino.

* Pre-"Dashing" Cody Rhodes is not nearly as awesome as "Dashing" Cody Rhodes, but his confrontation with Goldust was fantastic. Goldust makes both Rhodes and Ted DiBiase look like bitches until Randy Orton walks over, hits the RKO, and instructs Cody on how to toss his big brother over the top rope, while DiBiase gets his ass kicked behind them. The Legacy storytelling was great.

* Kane enters, kicks tons of ass until it's just him and the Undertaker standing. They look at one another and resume kicking everyone else's ass.

* Cody Rhodes skins the cat, like, 39 times in this match.

* The Big Show enters at #30 and has a staredown with the Undertaker until Kane comes out of nowhere to punch Big Show in the face.

* Santino is ~~in!~~ out already...

* Man, I miss The Brian Kendrick. I like his character (when he appears) on TNA now, but the funny dancing and singing along to his own entrance music? AWESOME. I've made Michelle laugh many times by doing Kendrick's little dance with his arms out at his sides.

* JR and the King could barely keep up at a few times because, like, half of the 30 guys were in the ring at one time.

* The final six: Big Show, Undertaker, Triple H, and all three members of Legacy. The four 'groups' were in a corner.

* The Big Show is the definition of a sore loser as he eliminates the Undertaker after he was just eliminated. Baby.

* Rhodes and DiBiase act as cannon fodder, so Orton can eliminate Trips for the win and, then, he fails to find his mark to set off the fireworks and conclude the show.

* All in all, a very entertaining match. The right guy won and I loved the use of the Legacy faction. One of the few times it actually accomplished anything.

Winner: Randy Orton [****]

Show Rating: 8.0 (out of 10)

Link Roundup

2010-08-10T17:11:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* High Road/Low Road on TNA HardCORE Justice
* Wrestling 4Rs including my reviews of the 08.03.10 WWE NXT
* PPV Roundtable on TNA HardCORE Justice (I'm the guy running the TNA roundtables now and this was my first one... with two announced matches... GAH!)
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 08.05.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 19
* Guest review contribution to the first part of the Into the Indies anniversary celebration

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (August 4 2010)

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Amazing Spider-Man #639
* Avengers Prime #2
* Ultimate Comics Avengers 2 #6
* Batman Odyssey #2
* Thor: The Rage of Thor #1
* Spitfire #1
* Supergod #4
* Greek Street #14
* Sparta, U.S.A. #6

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (August 10, 2010)

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 08.06.10

2010-08-06T23:20:00.002-04:00

Shit, son, I haven't discussed Smackdown in a month! Perhaps that's because Smackdown has been kind of boring. I watch it and find I have nothing to say except for the odd bit of outrage at how the shit with Rey Mysterio and Jack Swagger played out. If the WWE's goal was to make me loathe Rey Mysterio, mission accomplished. I understand their need to make the current world champion an underdog because he's a small little man, while Jack Swagger is bigger than he first looks, but... come on. Swagger pretty much spent two hours holding Mysterio's ankle in the Ankle Lock. It was on so long that it was hard to believe that Rey Rey could walk, let alone wrestle. I'm not one to call bullshit on wrestling for guys coming back from injuries or beatdowns, because, if it were realistic, it would be MMA and that shit is boring. (Yes, real violence is either repulsive or boring. It either last too long and becomes a grotesque self-parody where you wonder why two people would do this to themselves, or it's so short that you wonder why you even bothered... I prefer fake violence where there's a point to it.) But, at some point, you have to wonder if they considered that they oversold it to the point where it became unbelievable. It did for me. So that made Smackdown pretty uninteresting for a while.

Then there was the Straight Edge Society looking like shit because of the Big Show. The WWE threw away the unmaskings of CM Punk and Joey Mercury for reasons that no one can explain. The SES seemed to get it together a bit this week, but I still think they need one more member: an existing wrestler who is converted to the cause through feuding with the SES. Then they'd have the right numbers to take a world belt, a secondary singles belt, the tag belts, and a woman's belt. Maybe this is just the dip before the SES rises to the top? I doubt it. (Possible candidates for conversion: MVP, Kofi Kingston, Evan Bourne, maybe even Yoshi Tatsu...)

I am digging "Dashing" Cody Rhodes. The new gimmick seems to have given him a purpose and direction he's been lacking. His match against Matt Hardy this evening was one of his best singles matches. He was focused and acted his character in the ring. He just needs to push it a little further and he'll be golden. I suggest he makes an obvious show of going for pins where he can watch it happen on the screen. I'm reminded of the scene in American Psycho where Patrick Bateman is having sex with two hookers and spends much of it admiring himself in the mirror. More of that, please. Rhodes should change positioning of moves so he can admire them. More of him watching the screen post-match to see how great he is. Maybe give him a valet or assistant to hold up a mirror during matches so he can watch himself. It could become too cartoonish, but it needs that little bit more.

Dolph Ziggler winning the Intercontinental Championship was a smart move. The finish was odd since the distraction from Vickie didn't actually help him since Kingston never went for a pin. In fact, Kingston never would have hit Trouble in Paradise if Vickie had been a distraction on the outside for Ziggler. I want to like Ziggler more than I actually like him, sadly. He never really wows me in the ring.

Drew McIntyre, on the other hand, has been impressing me lately. He's been better on the mic and in the ring since that deportation/visa bullshit. His inclusion in the Rey/Kane stuff was odd, but worked out well. Aside from Rey doing his usual routine of getting the shit kicked out of him for ten minutes straight and then winning after hitting four moves. The more I watch Rey Mysterio, the more I don't believe him. I did like McIntyre attacking Rey's image as a hero by pointing out that he doesn't do anything that doesn't benefit him. Rey's insistance that various things weren't his business made me turn to Michelle and go "That's not Spider-Man's philosophy." Real heroes don't need it to be their business -- they make it their business.

I did enjoy LayCool outsmarting Teddy Long with their breakaway Women's Championship belt.

All in all, an alright episode, but nothing that blew me away. I do like them playing with the taped nature of the show and including music/videos in the promos more. When Rey first said the Undertaker's name and we got a quick flash of images, I wanted that to happen every time his name was said. Not really, but it would have made me laugh.

One question to end things: where was Jack Swagger? I missed him and his All-American ways.

Link Roundup

2010-08-05T12:43:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* Movies/TV Fact or Fiction
* High Road/Low Road on Kane as World Champion
* Wrestling 4Rs including my reviews of the 07.27.10 WWE NXT
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 07.29.10 TNA Impact

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (July 28 2010)
* Minutes to Midnight: Twelve Essays on Watchmen in October

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Wonder Woman #601
* After Dark #1
* Secret Avengers #3
* Punishermax #9
* Thor #612
* First Wave #3
* Abe Sapien: The Abyssal Plain #2

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (August 3, 2010)

Splash Page Podcast
* Splash Page Podcast Special Guest Episode 1
* Splash Page Podast episode 26

Forgotten Favourites: That's My Bush!

2010-08-03T16:49:00.001-04:00

I don't actually have a lot to say about That's My Bush!, the short-lived 2001 sitcom made by Matt Stone and Trey Parker, the duo behind South Park. It only lasted eight episodes, based partly on the huge cost of making it and, well, not many people giving a fuck once they realised that it wasn't a show actually making fun of George Bush. Everyone assumed it would be, but it turned out to just be a sitcom making fun of sitcoms. A little insular and such a curveball from expectations that I can't exactly blame people for not jumping on board, but, fuck it, I'll blame them anyway.

It's a remarkably stupid show full of lame, obvious jokes... but it works. It's meant to be stupid. It's only eight episodes, but they seem familiar because of the sitcom tropes Stone and Parker use. You've seen these stories a hundred times before, just not with these specific characters. There's the 'have to be in two places at once' episode or the 'trapped in an elevator' episode or the 'overhears a conversation and misunderstands what's going on' episode. It's all shit you've seen before, coupled with a random political issue that doesn't really mean anything, it's just that Bush was President and that was his day-to-day life.

Originally, Stone and Parker thought that the show would be about Al Gore with it being called "Everybody Loves Al." The show was pitched prior to the 2000 election, making Bush as the lead somewhat unexpected. Though, I do think Bush lends himself better to that likeable buffoon role.

The cast are all made up of sitcom types:

George is the likeable buffoon father/husband. He's well-meaning, but selfish at times and kind of dumb. See... well, every dad/husband in every sitcom. Ever.

Laura is the seemingly more intelligent mother/wife. Not necessarily smarter than her husband, she's just accepted as such. She acts as the moral barometer much of the time except when it's one of her own personal failings that is the centre of the episode.

Maggie is the sassy maid. Karl Rove is the sleazy workaholic. Princess is the dumb, hot bimbo. Larry is the annoying neighbour always willing to lend a hand.

The use of types is important as it allows Stone and Parker to work in shorthand. They don't need to really develop any characters, they can jump right in with no explanation ever. All you need to know is that Bush is President and be able to recognise all of the characters for their types. While you can argue that sitcom characters have some depth (and I would), the only characters here that offer any sort of complexity are George and Laura (though, Laura less so) and even that isn't much. It's all surface; all artiface.

Stone and Parker say that they constructed episodes in a fairly simple manner: combine sitcom stock situation with random political issue, then write the first half of the episode as a sitcom and the second half as farce. It's very effective with the first half setting up the situation, while the second half over does it so much that it collapses in upon itself. By the end of the show, it had become a parody of itself almost with a finale that had Dick Cheney get George fired, take over the show, and force Bush to seek work in the world, resulting in him running through a variety of sitcom parodies (The Jeffersons, Welcome Back, Kotter, Cheers, and Just Shoot Me...) before the status quo is eventually restored. What makes it even better is the inclusion of new opening credits with every new job.

Included within this framework is the Stone and Parker sensibility where they add cruder, more surprising touches to these stock characters and situations. When Barbara Bush arrives for an episode and the story is 'mother-in-law hates son's wife,' her hatred to Laura is so over-the-top, resulting in long, prolonged insults about Laura being a two-dollar truck stop whore or saying that she can smell the 'man jam' on her breath after accusing her of cheating on George. Or, the crazy mix-up episode has Laura worried that George finds her vagina digusting, while he discusses putting down their 24-year old cat (the unstated connection being that both plots involve concerns over an aging pussy, of course -- I'm kind of surprised they never used that word). The butting heads of these familiar, usually tame stories and characters with these harsher, more 'mature' elements creates an interesting tension that makes the show legitimately funny much of the time beyond its parodic nature. The surprise of the subjects of the plots creates laughs. George's punchline (with which he'd end every episode) is the perfect example of this: "One of these days, Laura, I'm gonna punch you in the face!" It's said with affection, but is so direct and harsh in its parody of Ralph Kramden's 'moon' line that it can't help but amuse (slightly).

As they say in their commentaries for the show, Stone and Parker didn't think the show would have had much to say after these eight episodes. It works for a limited amount of time, but would grow tired and stale after a while -- mostly because of its lack of depth. It's so superficial that the final episode is almost all farce, getting through the premise in the cold open.

If you love (or hate) sitcoms, it's worth checking out.

Link Roundup

2010-07-27T17:50:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* Wrestling Fact or Fiction
* High Road/Low Road on ECW vs. TNA on Impact
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 07.22.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 17

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (July 21 2010)

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Amazing Spider-Man #638
* Atlas #3
* X-Factor #207
* Red Mass for Mars #4
* DV8: Gods and Monsters #4
* Darkwing Duck #2

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (July 27, 2010)

Question #4!... and a little bit extra!

2010-07-22T12:24:00.004-04:00

Yay for lunchtime posts (and posts in general, I guess, hehe)!

Question #4 of Chad's series of 5 questions to me was: If you had to listen to one song (and only one song) for the rest of your life, which song would it be?

Chad and I actually talked about this question pretty soon after he sent me an e-mail listing them. For my song, I chose Mr. Jones by The Counting Crows. This song is my 'happy' song. I keep this cd in my car and whenever I'm in an angry or upset or sad mood, I play this song and belt out the lyrics and everything seems to just disapear. I have had this cd since it was released and I'm still amazed that not once have I found it annoying or boring in anyway, so I take that as a good sign as well.

I also wanted to say that Lady Gaga music is getting to annoy the heck out of me. I teach group fitness classes at Goodlife and also attend these classes quite frequently, and while Lady Gaga songs do have a good beat for that type of stuff, her music seems so bland and boring to me that I would be okay if I never heard another song by her again. So... I wouldn't pick one of her songs to listen to for the rest of my life, or the rest of the day...

I hate to end this on a sour note but I don't have anything else to say right now. Hmmmmm... I'm reading Canadian Wildlife and Cosmo magazines right now, both of which I find interesting and entertaining for obviously very different reasons. I would pick CW over Cosmo 100% any day. I just find the stories and 'advice' they have in there... it's just so ridiculous (that just made me think of Balki from Perfect Strangers)!

Okay, well that ends it for today! Have a great one!

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky (Post 005)

2010-07-20T23:26:00.001-04:00

I finally finished this today. I had gotten distracted by the blogathon, comics that needed reviewing, and weekends spent elsewhere than my apartment. I jumped back in last night for the chapter in Part IV that actually made the novel worthwhile after a lot of tedium and concern with the manners and games played by the social class depicted here. Our dear 'idiot' Myshkin is in love with Aglaia and she seems to be with him... except when she insists she isn't, which is a lot. I found all of that terribly frustrating and dull. But, that could be due to my lack of patience with that sort of bullshit. I don't play games when it comes to women and don't tolerate it when they play games with me. Reading about that sort of thing leaves me cold.

Then again, that's all these people do. They say one thing while thinking another and quickly turn about and do the opposite while meaning a third thing. They're all people of whims and that gets tiresome, because there's no consistency beyond there being no consistency.

That said, the final 50-60 pages of the novel are rather strong. Where it takes a turn is Aglaia taking Myshkin to Nastasya's to hash out the weird love/hate thing going on. Dostoevsky has the two men involved stand off to the side, neither sure what will happen, while the women trade barbs and sarcastic comments, trying to see what's going on with Myshkin. In the end, Myshkin chooses Nastasya in an odd scene that's absolutely heartbreaking and powerful. It's a very cinematic piece of writing by Dostoevsky. I could see it happen ala a Leone showdown.

Part of me wishes the novel ended there. One of the areas I've always had problems with Dostoevsky is his endings. Crime and Punishment's epilogue is absolutely awful. The same happens here even though it's three more chapters plus an epilogue/conclusion chapter. I think it would have been more powerful to end on Myshkin choosing the crazed Nastasya over the... well, equally crazed Aglaia. Everything that came after was anticlimactic despite its drama. It couldn't match Myshkin having to choose. His wedding to Nastasya plays out as you expect and what happens after is a little surprising, but doesn't lead anywhere interesting.

I'm not sure what I think about this novel. I really liked the first part and one chapter of the fourth, but the rest... granted, that great chapter from Part IV is great in part because of the build-up of tedium and such. You can't just make great drama happen, it needs the proper foundation. Still... this novel was disappointing. And I've enjoyed most of the Dostoevsky I've read. The Double was a little obvious and some of the short stories I've read haven't blown my mind, but Crime and Punishment and Devils were both fantastic.

I think the problem is that Dostoevsky tried to satirise this class of people. The wealthy folk who spend their days visiting one another and playing these little games. That they lead to tragedy is interesting, I suppose, but you have to wade through the crap far too much. Maybe the lesson is that, yes, they're awful, but Myshkin likes them and sees their goodness... except he's ruined by them. By all of them. There's a sense that he had to do what he did, because of all of them. Because they so looked down upon Nastasya, he had to go to her and redeem her. She was his Mary Magdaline...

I can see why this is one of Dostoevsky's ignored/less favoured works. Maybe when I return to it years from now, I'll appreciate it more. Maybe I'll research it and find the 'best' translation and see if that helps. For now, I'm moving on to the "Legion of Fire" Babylon 5 trilogy by Peter David. A nice trio of light read books before getting into something heavy again.

Link Roundup

2010-07-20T18:26:00.003-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* High Road/Low Road on the Money in the Bank PPV
* Wrestling Roundtable PPV Preview of WWE Money in the Bank
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 07.15.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 16

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (July 14 2010)
* Blogathon 2010: Hellblazer (archive post)

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* The Playwright
* Superman #701
* X-Files/30 Days of Night #1
* Predators: Preserve the Game #1
* Officer Downe #1
* The Man with the Getaway Face
* Daytripper #8

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (July 20, 2010)

The Splash Page Podcast
* The Splash Page Podcast episode 25

Smarkass Comments: WWE NXT 07.13.10

2010-07-16T00:57:00.001-04:00

Oh, NXT, why are you so mediocre? For one thing, half of the episode seems to be killed with introductions and recaps of other stuff. Honestly, is there anyone watching NXT that doesn't watch Raw and/or Smackdown? (The correct answer is no... excluding any family/friends of people on NXT only, but they don't count/care about what's going on elsewhere.) So, once you get rid of the long, pointless introductions and entire segments that are nothing but recaps, you don't have a lot of time to really showcase people. This episode had one mixed tag match and it was... well, whatever. It confirmed for me that "Lucky" Cannon won't be going anywhere any time soon, something I already knew.

That left the "Showtime" Percy Watson Show/battle royal... both of which were underwhelming. Watson was nervous and didn't get much time to do anything. He speaks a little too quickly, but is entertaining. Him and the NXT rookies turning on MVP was lame since the pros were right there. They didn't take it in the natural place it was meant to, which was to then have the Nexus assist the rookies in taking down the pros. Instead, we had the pointless battle royal that was much too long without anything too interesting aside from the Miz eliminating himself to stay fresh for Money in the Bank. The Nexus beat people up... and then did it again. Somehow, they stopped the match when all of the Nexus remained and simply declared the group the winner of the match despite it being a fucking battle royal that wasn't a team match.

I have decided that I want Triple H to be the man behind Nexus and also be the anonymous Raw General Manager. His own little powerplay to take over the McMahon empire. Possibly with Stephanie at his side. Maybe him behind Nexus, her as the GM... Yes, that is what I want.

NXT this week... utterly forgettable and not very good.

Smarkass Reviews: Batista: I Walk Alone (Disc 3)

2010-07-15T16:25:00.001-04:00

Like the second disc, this one is just matches.

Match #1: World Heavywight Championship Match -- King Booker (C) vs. Batista (Survivor Series -- November 26, 2006
I was looking forward to this since I'm increasingly becoming a fan of Booker T, but this match was pretty standard face/heel fare. Nothing really stands out as being fantastic. King Booker tried to cheat from time to time, but Batista's passion/power was too much until Booker attempted to nail Batista with the world belt, Batista ducked, and used it himself to pick up the win. This match is noteworthy because it was Batista winning back the belt -- and it introduces us to JBL on commentary. I wish he would come back and do that with Michael Cole.
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [**1/2]

Match #2: Triple Threat Match for the World Heavyweight Championship -- Batista (C) vs. King Booker vs. Finlay (Smackdown -- December 1, 2006)
An interesting choice right after Batista wins back the belt, this match was a definite step up with Booker and Finlay not directly engaging one another at first, preferring to focus on the champion. This made Batista take the most punishment, but that only serves his eventual victory. As JBL points out, Batista cheated to win the belt back, so a clean win here against two opponents gives him a bit of credibility back. It's nice to see Finlay in the mix for the world belt even if it was for only one match. He looked like a legitimate threat, probably more than Booker. There was even an appearance from the then-unnamed Hornswoggle. Like the previous match, there wasn't any one spot that stood out, but this was a good triple threat match of PPV-calibre.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [***1/4]

Match #3: World Heavyweight Championship Match -- Batista (C) vs. the Undertaker (WrestleMania 23 -- April 1, 2007)
WrestleMania 23 pisses me off kind of. Not much really, but a little. See, I got back into watching wrestling in October 2007 because of my roommate Adam. We had been in the same program for a year and figured moving in together would work (and it did). But, he just didn't get me into wrestling soon enough since WrestleMania 23 was in Detroit! I got back into wrestling six months too late to attend a WrestleMania across the river! GAH! That bugs me. Not that that has anything to do with this match really. I'd heard a lot of good things about this match and it disappointed somewhat as a result. This was a good match -- very good even -- just not great. I loved how energetic both men were. This was a hard rock version of a wrestling match with none of the pauses or breaks, just two guys going at it hard and fast... for the most part. The usual spots were there. I'd have to watch it again to see some of the storytelling since you need to know where it's heading (not just the result) to get a good picture. I enjoyed this, but thought the ending was a little rushed. This match clearly needed another five minutes or so to make the pacing work better. It also suffered a little with the crowd not knowing who to get behind entirely. That worked better with Undertaker/Michaels since Batista isn't skilled enough to be one half of a match that's carried on technique alone. He needs story and the passion that comes with wanting him to win or wanting him to lose. Again, very enjoyable and very good, but it didn't live up to the hype.
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: The Undertaker [***1/2]

Match #4: Steel Cage Match for the World Heavyweight Championship -- Edge (C) vs. Batista (One Night Stand -- June 3, 2007)
This match follows their short, kind of shitty match from Judgment Day 2007 and is definitely an improvement. Despite Edge being a chickenshit heel, he pretty much beats Batista here by... well, beating him. Both men attempt escapes, but Edge manages to beat Batista down enough to pull his off. I kind of wish the match had only been 15 seconds when Edge tried to escape through the door right away and Batista grabbed him and thew him across the ring. I wanted Batista to then walk out the door, beating Edge at his own game. There was a funny moment where Edge brought Batista down off the rope so he bounced from it against the cage and, then, off the rope again. Pretty much the only thing that I haven't seen in any other cage match. I would have liked to see Batista go for pin attempts, while Edge tries to escape until later in the match. If there's any big flaw in this match, it's that I didn't think there was a good story. It was just two guys going at it and by limiting Batista to beating Edge, while Edge just tries to survive, that would have made for a good story. All in all, not bad, but nothing special.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Edge [**3/4]

Match #5: World Heavyweight Championship Match -- Batista (C) vs. the Undertaker (Cyber Sunday -- October 28, 2007)
Cyber Sunday 2007 was the first PPV I saw after I got back into wrestling. Adam and I watched it at a bar and I don't really remember much about it. I was more concerned with figuring out who half the people were. This match had the stipulation where fans got to vote on the special guest referee and, of course, they selected "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in his yearly WWE appearance. I'm pretty sure Cyber Sunday stuck around just so they'd have an excuse to bring out Austin once a year. This match was pretty good. It reminded me of their WrestleMania match, but Batista had something to prove a bit more having lost three matches to the Undertaker earlier in the year. Austin's presence was meaningless and didn't affect the match at all. Both men pulled out all of the stops and Batista's rage at the end before delivering the second Batistabomb was good. A fine, fine match.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [***]

Match #6: 6-Man Tag Match -- Batista, Triple H & Ric Flair vs. Randy Orton, Edge & Umaga (Raw -- December 10, 2007)
This match doesn't really amount of anything, but this was a nice moment where, at the 15th Anniversary episode of Raw, Evolution was going to come out and... do something. So, out come Flair, Trips, and Batista, all in Evolution t-shirts. Then, out comes Orton to say that the only group he's proud to have been a member of is Rated RKO with Edge. Flair says they should get a partner and have a six-man tag, Orton reveals that they're one step ahead of him and out comes Umaga. The match itself was pretty much nothing. Some back and forth until Umaga attacked the ref and, eventually, got beaten by the three Evolution guys. A fun inclusion for the set despite the lacklustre in-ring product.
Winners (via disqualification): Batista, Triple H & Ric Flair [*]

Match #7: Batista vs. John Cena (SummerSlam -- August 17, 2008)
Another face/face match featuring Batista. This match suffers from knowing the work that Cena and Batista did together this year at WrestleMania where Batista's heel turn gave that match some much needed energy and storytelling. This one followed a similar path: who is The Man in the WWE? Both men are powerful and somewhat limited in the ring. It was really a matter of who would outpower the other. Cena putting the STFU on Batista was fucking sick -- Batista's leg was bent in a way that didn't look right at all. The result surprised me at the time and it surprised me again since you figure Cena would walk away with the victory here... nope. Interesting choice to put over Batista. A decent match, but one that looks worse in retrospect.
Winner: Batista [**3/4]

Match #8: Batista vs. Randy Orton (Armageddon -- December 14, 2008)
The DVD set is concluded with the two former Evolution members going head-to-head in a strong match. This one came near the beginning of the formation of Evolution, so Randy Orton is accompanied by Cody Rhodes and Manu. Yes, everyone will remember Manu now because he shows up on the Batista DVD set. Early into the match, the two get banned from ringside after the ref catches them mid-beating on Batista (but it looks like they're just about to begin). Batista uses his power, Orton his skill, each man pulling out every move. Orton focused on Batista's neck with some high impact moves to that area and Batista just powered through until winning via Batistabomb. I didn't think this match would leave much of an impression, but the final five minutes were really strong back and forth.
Winner: Batista [***1/4]

Batista's schtick gets a little old after a while, especially when he's up against other faces. But, when he's on, he delivers the goods... it's just that when he's off, he can stink up the place. The DVD set is worth it for the documentary, but the collection of matches are solid. If you can buy this used/cheap, do that.

Saying Things that Aren't: The Invention of Lying

2010-07-14T00:39:00.001-04:00

There's a moment in The Invention of Lying where you can see a sketch idea thrown in that, while funny, doesn't entirely mesh with the rest of the movie. Ricky Gervais (whose character has a name I can't remember, because it doesn't matter) has invented lying in a world where no one has ever conceived of not telling the absolute truth. In the process, he told his dying mother a lie about where she would go after (Heaven), it gets overheard and, suddenly, the entire world wants to know what he knows. So, he makes up this story about a Big Man in the Sky and it becomes a sketch that you could title "The Invention of God." It's a funny few minutes of the movie, but it never really pays off and is only there because it's funny to make fun of the insanity of religious thought. Which is fine with me. The moment where everyone learns that 'God' is responsible for bad stuff and the first reaction is "I say fuck the Big Man in the Sky!" is something I can't help but laugh at.

Despite this odd misstep (in the sense of working that bit into the rest of the movie well), I enjoyed The Invention of Lying. It's really your typical romantic comedy with a clever premise. Ricky Gervais is basically himself as a lacklustre screenwriter whose area of focus is the 14th century -- since, in this world, all scripts are based on factual events and are written for someone to simply read to the camera. That alone was clever enough to win me over. The movie begins with him going on a date with Jennifer Garner, who is hot and... actually, I don't think she possesses another positive quality. In fact, no one really possesses any positive qualities. The point of the movie seems to be that, without lies, we'd all be fucking assholes to one another. Everyone is mean and critical, rarely saying anything positive about another person, often revealing themselves to be miserable. Is that how we all are really?

One flaw I really had was that this wasn't simply a world where everyone says what they really think, this is a world where everyone blurts out what they really think. Under one defition, you could say that this is simply adhering to the idea of lying by omission, but I'm not sure that really holds up since that concept of lying is based upon knowing what a lie is. Here, the difference is that people don't say anything that isn't true (except for opinions, but, even then, they don't disguise what they really think)... but you'd think they would have learned to simply not blurt shit out. I mean, why would a waiter feel the need to ask out a woman when he wouldn't say a lie to cover up the desire to do so? He'd simply not say it. Having characters just blurt things out is a way to make the movie funnier, of course, but it took me out of the movie somewhat at first, showing off the artiface and effort of reaching for the jokes.

Later in the movie, the emphasis is placed on the idea that Jennifer Garner loves Ricky Gervais, but won't marry him because of his genetics, instead she's going to marry Rob Lowe because he's handsome despite him being a douchebag. It's typical romantic comedy fare with it laid bare on a superficial level, but it never rings true. There's this idea that despite all of his success and, basically, being God's prophet, Ricky Gervais is nonetheless a loser, while Rob Lowe is a winner even though I can't imagine anyone would be able to spend more than two minutes with him before they decided to beat him to death. They approach other arguments for what would make a good husband/father than simple genetics, but never pull the trigger: namely that someone who will love his wife and kids, and help raise the kids to be decent, caring people is better than being a goodlooking douchebag. Then again, maybe that's just what I wanted to see.

Jennifer Garner ultimately chooses having fat, pig-nosed babies with Ricky Gervais, but I was left wondering why he was so hung up on her aside from her looks. She's fairly stupid and superficial throughout the movie, only liking Gervais once he had money and power. Maybe that's the point: Gervais falls prey to the same traps that Garner does, but has no one to point out that, yeah, she's just a female Rob Lowe, except less openly obnoxious (slightly).

Despite the larger plot problems, there are some good laughs in here. The scene where Gervais is in a bar trying to explain how he said something that wasn't to Louis CK and Philip Seymour Hoffman is genius: he keeps saying lies and they reshape their subjective realities to suit whatever lie he tells them.

If anything, The Invention of Lying seems like a dry run for a better movie ten or twenty years from now that 'adapts' it, but decides to really go with the concept and forget the bullshit love story.

Link Roundup

2010-07-13T20:00:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 07.06.10 WWE NXT
* High Road/Low Road on the Drew McIntyre/Teddy Long Visa Storyline
* Wrestling Roundtable PPV Preview of TNA Victory Road
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 07.08.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 15

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (July 7 2010)

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Batman and Robin #13
* The Great Ten #9
* The Boys #44
* Thor the Mighty Avenger #1
* Batman: Odyssey #1
* Demo Vol. 2 #6
* Sparta, U.S.A. #5
* Gødland #32

The Splash Page Podcast
* The Splash Page Podcast episode 24

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 07.12.10

2010-07-13T14:00:00.002-04:00

Some brief thoughts on last night's episode of Raw...

* I enjoyed the Nexus randomly beating up people backstage. While they don't work as a threat necessarily against a group of wrestlers, they work well in that seven/six-on-one situation.

* The Brady Bunch parody was surreal. And funny as hell.

* Randy Orton hitting the RKO on Evan Bourne mid-Airborne was fucking awesome.

* Mark Henry is a good choice to fill-in for R-Truth at Money in the Bank and the Miz didn't look too bad against him.

* The shit with Ted DiBiase, Maryse, and John Morrison was bad. None of them delivered on the mic. Maryse can talk, but she stuck to French, which kind of defeats the point.

* Eve was awful on commentary.

* Two Divas matches on a PPV? When was the last time that happened? I checked and the Royal Rumble this year had a Divas dark match in addition to the match on the show, but that doesn't count. It was Night of Champions a year ago and that's just because the gimmick of event calls for every title in the WWE to be defended. If we set that aside, I'm not sure there ever has been one since the Divas Championship was introduced at the Great American Bash in 2008. Without the titles, is there any reason to have more than one Divas match on a PPV? What's sad is that it's much more common for there to simply be no Divas match.

* The ending was decent, but didn't wow me.

Overall, a fine episode. A few high moments and a lot of standard fare.

HA! Paul Blart: Mall Cop

2010-07-12T01:33:00.001-04:00

I watched Paul Blart: Mall Cop this evening, writing about it on Twitter as I watched, and I thought I'd compile those thoughts here as a makeshift review/summary/warning:

HA! You think he won't get to be a cop because he's fat, but he doesn't get in because he's hypoglycemic! HA! His wife married him for citizenship and left him with their daughter! HA! He rides a segway! HA! The segway can't go faster than this little shit of a dog and -- HE JUST RAN THE DOG OVER! AWESOME! HA! He was checking out a woman and ran into a car in the middle of the mall! HA! Now he's using the security cameras to spy on the woman! HA! He actually cares about his job when everyone else doesn't give a fuck! HA! A new trainee can't drive his segway and has gotten lost in the weird corridors you never see in malls! HA! He's nervously talking to the woman and trying to look important, but he's just a mall cop and, therefore, a loser! HA! A douchebag is pointing out that he's a fat loser in front of the woman he likes! HA! A hot chick and a fat lady are fighting over the last bra in a certain size at Victoria's Secret! HA! Paul Blart is fighting the fat lady and she's lost her shirt almost! HA! He's in a nacho eating competition! HA! He's drunk and being all drunk-like! HA! He has no matches on his online dating account so he's crying! HA! He got a tattoo while drunk of the Loch Ness Monster! HA! The weird serious plot involving tough guy robbers is beginning! HA! He's playing Rock Band while the bad guys take over the mall! HA! The new security guard is the leader of the bad guy robbers! HA! He just realised what's going on and is going to have to save the day! HA! The SWAT guy used to pick on Paul Blart in high school and is mocking him some more! HA! The bad guys are spray tanning him! HA! Paul Blart's daughter is a hostage, too, but she's talking him up to that woman he likes! HA! Paul Blart is an unstoppable killing machine! HA! He passed out because of his hypoglycemia and is forced to eat an old, dirty lollipop from the floor! HA! The douchebag that mocked Paul Blart earlier is revealing himself to be a coward! HA! The bad guy just figured out he's got Paul Blart's daughter as a hostage! HA! The bad guy just made Paul Blart look like a loser in front of his daughter! HA! The Indian ex-bf of the teenage daughter of a guy who Paul Blart knows and whose cell phone he borrowed is tracking it via GPS because the bad guys took it! HA! The bad guy is going to steal a small plane and head for the Cayman Islands with Paul Blart's daughter and woman! HA! Paul Blart has a giant tattoo on his back above the small Loch Ness Monster one! HA! Paul Blart took down the bad guy and MASSIVE SWERVE THE SWAT TEAM LEADER IS ONE OF THE BAD GUYS! HA! He was a threat for all of 30 seconds before he was taken down! HA! The hot woman is totally into Paul Blart now, because he's an unstoppable killing machine! HA! The cop offers him a job, but he's going to stay a mall cop, because that's what he does best! HA! Extra scene over the final credits: Paul Blart marries the woman he likes and they ride away on segways! HA! That movie is over and I can safely say that it wasn't entirely bad!

One final note: when I went to find the movie in the TMN On Demand directory, I first looked under comedy... it wasn't there. Consider that.

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 07.09.10

2010-07-10T11:52:00.001-04:00

Some quick thoughts on last night's Smackdown:

* Drew McIntyre and Teddy Long opening the show was a good choice, but the execution was a little too goofy and stupid for my tastes. Both men handled it as well as they could. McIntyre's tone was fantastic at times.

* The threeway match for the Money in the Bank spot was pretty good, but I didn't like the finish. How did Dolph Ziggler win? MVP didn't tap nor was there the standard check to see if he was out that comes with the sleeper. The match needed some more heels, so Ziggler makes sense.

* The Kingston/McIntyre match was the best match McIntyre has been in so far. Maybe the recent shit and deportation has made him realise he needs to up his game.

* Christian taking out Matt Hardy when they were supposed to be tag partners was great. I thought they were going to fight each other at first and was a little disappointed that they were tagging together. Thankfully, they went this route. I expect a match between the two of them on next week's show.

* Man, Rey Mysterio is such an awful world champion. Nothing but getting his ass kicked. They overdid it so much with Jack Swagger that, if Mysterio even competes at Money in the Bank, it will look unrealistic. I wonder what they'll do with that.

* Who doesn't love "Dashing" Cody Rhodes? Morons, that's who.

* The final bit between Swagger and the Big Show was good, but I would have liked to see Swagger a little more in there.

Not an episode that inspires a lot of comments or opinions, but a solid show.

Frank Delaney's Re: Joyce Podcast

2010-07-08T14:30:00.004-04:00

I saw a link to Frank Delaney's Re: Joyce podcast yesterday and listened to the episodes today. Delaney is working his way through James Joyce's Ulysses five minutes per week and it's wonderful listening. So far, he's done an introduction episode and four more dealing with, so far, only the opening page of the novel. If you've never read Ulysses and want to get an introduction, this is a good place. If you're a fan of the novel and want to hear a fantastic podcast on the subject full of information and analysis, this is also a good place. Delaney is a wonderful speaker and his reading of the novel makes it come alive.

Nip/Tuck

2010-07-08T10:50:00.003-04:00

So, we just finished watching Babylon 5 (this has to do with one of the questions that Chad asked me) and started watching Nip/Tuck which is a show that I started watching when it first came out and have only seen random episodes since season 1. As absurd of a show as it is, I became hooked on it immediately. Perhaps sensory overload? Perhaps my tendancy to latch onto characters easily? Perhaps for the only reason that it's hard to look away from something that's so twisted? In any case, I loved it and so I recently bought season 1 on DVD. We've only watched the first two episodes, but it's not quite what I remembered it to be. I still like it, but I think I've become more sensitive to things because I find it a lot more intense and not as much enjoyable/mindless as I remember it being. In any case, I'm looking forward to watching more episodes and seeing whether it just takes a little more time to get in to it, or whether I may be putting buying other seasons on hold.

Question #3!!

2010-07-08T10:35:00.009-04:00

Wow, so I didn't actually realise how long it's been since I've written anything on here until I looked on here and saw how many posts Chad had made! So, now that I again have some time, I thought that I would continue to answer Chad's questions to me!

So, here is question number 3: Thinking back, what movie that we saw together in the theatre have you liked the best?

Hmmmmm, well, have gone to see a number of movies, I think more so closer to when we first got together, and with my awful awful memory I'm sure that I'm missing movies that we saw together (yes, even if I loved them, there's a really good chance I forgot about them!) but one for sure that I liked a lot was the Batman movie. I don't have to say why, everyone pretty much knows why it was really good. I would say that Batman is tied with Inglorious Bastards. I loved this movie quite a bit and even just recently bought it at Blockbuster. I love Blockbuster sales.

There have also been some movies that I was suprised that I liked/didn't like. I was really holding out for The X-Files movies... I am a crazy fan, or at least use to be crazy and now I just know stuff about it, and I tried really hard to like this movie, I really did. It was simply just aweful. It was like a really badly organised episode that was trying to cram in every aspect of Mulder and Scully's character they could and a lot of aspects from the show as well, in a way that was really obvious and just really bad. Perhaps my excitement for this movie hyped it up a little, but it's one that I don't have any interest in owning because I know I may watch it once and then probably never again.

On the other hand, I am totally not a fan of the what I call 'stupid comedy' movies (a.k.a. comedies). I'm not sure why. I think it's because I have a really dry sense of humour and more vulgar/slapstick stuff just really doesn't work for me. But, I found that I actually liked the majority of Pineapple Express. It was pretty funny and cute at times, but then the plot went all weird and crazy at and it lost some of it's appeal. I think Chad has similar views about this movie, too.

So, ya! There we have it! Thanks for reading and enjoy your day!

Link Roundup

2010-07-07T15:59:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* Wrestling Top 5 -- Best and Worst Raw Guest Hosts
* High Road/Low Road on Kane Seeking Retribution For The Undertaker's Demise
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 07.01.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 14
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 3 -- Rounds Eight through Eleven
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 4 -- Rounds Twelve through Fourteen
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 5 -- Fantasy Cards & Show Hype
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 6 -- Results and Show 2 Preview
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 7 -- Results and Show 2 Preview Continued (I didn't contribute to this one, but it provides a complete picture of the event)
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 8 -- Post-Draft Q&A Roundtable

GraphiContent
* Quickie Reviews (June 30 2010)
* Blogathon 2010

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Captain Swing and the Electrical Pirates of Cindery Island #2
* Thor #611
* Abe Sapien: The Abyssal Plain #1
* Deadpool Team-Up #892
* Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?: Dust to Dust #2

Comics Should be Good
* Guess the Real Spoiler! (July 7, 2010)

The Splash Page Podcast
* The Splash Page Podcast episode 23

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 07.05.10

2010-07-05T23:55:00.001-04:00

I wasn't sure what to expect heading into tonight's episode of Raw, but it was a pretty good show overall. There were some low lows, but, for the most part, I enjoyed it.

* I love how the heels attacked the faces when they went to attack the Nexus. You know what's more interesting than two forces fighting one another? Three forces fighting one another, particularly when one of those forces would be outnumbered by quite a bit and obviously don't have the strength/talent to stand on equal ground yet. The Nexus versus the entire Raw roster wouldn't work, because there's no way the Nexus would have a chance. Plus, this is more interesting. I never bought that united front bullshit.

* The red herrings that Stone Cold Steve Austin is the anonymous Raw GM are fun, but pointless.

* Maryse works so much better in a valet role than as a wrestler. Her in-ring talent is marginal, while her real appeal is in her personality and looks. Sticking her with Ted DiBiase works well. I kind of wish she kept Morrison's robe and had Ted toss a few bucks onto Morrison's body as payment.

* The Miz taking out R-Truth was good in its execution, but it does make me think we'll just have to have more of these two and, well, I'd rather see the Miz move on to bigger and better things.

* Chris Jericho and Edge in the ring talking? Always good. Though, their little discussion of Nexus makes it seem highly unlikely that Jericho is behind it all. I thought that might be the case and that, as a part of his plan, he's the one that got in Sheamus's ear that maybe the heels shouldn't play nice with the faces. Ah well.

* The tag match was pretty good.

* The Kozlov & Santino/Regal & Khali match was shit from beginning to end. Regal deserves better. But, he does work well as a pompous foil to the comedy duo of Santino and Kozlov. They just need to write it better.

* The Usos and Alicia Fox interviews both did the same thing: pointed out to me that no one actually cares about any of those people yet. Not exactly the goal, I imagine. The Usos are intriguing, but haven't done anything to make me care beyond teasing the idea of a decent match with the Harts. Alicia Fox asked the questions no Diva should ever ask: if anyone cares about her or the Divas Championship... she doesn't want to know the answer.

* The final segment with Cena and Barrett was good with Darren Young acting as the first Nexus casualty (aside from a guy whose name escapes me right now...). I was a little confused when we saw that the Nexus guys and the faces with Cena disappeared -- where did they go? But, Cena unleashed is good.

All in all, an enjoyable episode that advanced the Nexus story and continued to build to the PPV.

Smarkass Reviews: Batista: I Walk Alone (Disc 2)

2010-07-05T17:54:00.002-04:00

The second and third discs are just matches, so let's dive in...

Match #1: OVW Heavyweight Championship Match -- "The Machine" Doug Basham (C) vs. Leviathan (Ohio Valley Wrestling -- November 28, 2001)
Before he was Batista, he was Leviathan, a mythical monster of a man raised from the Ohio River by a witch or something. This match isn't really anything special. It doesn't flow too well, but it does have Jim Cornette on commentary making it seem like the biggest thing to ever happen. Batista does most of the stuff that he would do in the WWE: powerbomb, spear, maybe a spinebuster thrown in... He did use the chokeslam at the time, too, which I don't remember ever seeing him use in the WWE. The match was no dq, so there was plenty of interference and even the use of two refs. You really get the sense of watching two guys still learning and improving, trying to make the basics work before doing anything too complicated. All of which is fine, just nothing too amazing.
Winner and NEW OVW Heavyweight Champion: Leviathan [*1/2]

Match #2: Batista vs. Kane (Armageddon -- December 15, 2002)
Jumping ahead a year, Evolution hasn't begun yet, but Ric Flair is mentoring Batista, so things are moving in that direction (the group would form officially a month later). This was Batista's first PPV match and it's a fine outting where the point is to make him look like a force against Kane. It's a good way to put over Batista since Kane is also a big man and beating him puts you at a certain level immediately. Flair interferes quite a bit, which helps Batista gain the win. It's a solid little match, nothing special. Batista is still pretty dull in the ring and an agile Kane can't drag him to a good match yet.
Winner: Batista [*1/2]

Match #3: Batista vs. Shawn Michaels (Armageddon -- December 14, 2003
Jumping ahead another year, Evolution is on its way to dominance with Randy Orton winning the Intercontinental Championship earlier in the evening and Batista and Flair to win the World Tag Team Championship later in the evening. But, in between, we've got Batista versus Shawn Michaels. In the documentary, Batista mentions this as the first match that felt like a success for him, the first one where he showed that he can make it in the WWE, and put on a good show. I don't know if I would go that far, but it's definitely a step up from the first two. Batista is more fluid in the ring, more in command of his character, and is carried somewhat by Michaels. Flair interferes again, but Michaels does well against him, including on of my favourite things to see: a guy running at another only to be put down with a single punch. Michaels is one of the best sellers in the business, so he makes Batista look great by selling how beat up he is by the end of the match. Things end with Michaels getting out of the Batista Bomb and hitting Sweet Chin Music, which allows Michaels to not lose to a relative newbie while still making Batista look like he was close to victory. Pretty much all you could ask for.
Winner: Shawn Michaels [**]

Match #4: Tables Match for the World Tag Team Championship -- Batista & Ric Flair (C) vs. the Dudley Boyz (Royal Rumble -- January 25, 2004)
I'm kind of surprised they went with this instead of Batista and Flair winning the belts at Armageddon since that would be a nice follow-up to the Michaels match. Anyway, this is pretty short and nothing too impressive. The Dudleys dominant at the beginning, taking advantage of Batista's inexperience to take him out and, then, double-teaming Flair until Batista can power he and Flair to victory rather quickly. Kind of a pointless inclusion and lame even by tables match standards.
Winners and STILL World Tag Team Champions: Batista and Ric Flair [1/2*]

Match #5: Batista vs. Chris Jericho (Vengeance -- July 11, 2004)
This was a nice little match with a typical big man/little man dynamic. Batista dominated with a few outbursts of quickness and strategy by Jericho thrown in. It was built around the idea that Jericho couldn't take Big Dave off his feet, so when he did, the crowd went wild. Batista showed some good ring intelligence by countering a few Jericho moves in ways that he wouldn't have earlier in his career. Not advanced stuff or anything, but more subtle ways that don't rely on simply overpowering Jericho. Batista got the win as he continued his rise to the top. A solid match all around.
Winner: Batista [**1/2]

Match #6: Except from the 30-Man Royal Rumble Match (Royal Rumble -- January 30, 2005)
We begin this moments before Batista came out at #28. He came in with some presence by delivering a Batistabomb on Kane and taking out some other guys. The next two guys were Christian and Ric Flair with Flair providing the best moment of this short bit when he attempted to grab Batista by the back of the head to pull him to the ropes and eliminate him, but Batista didn't move and Flair just fell down. Flair turned on Batista pretty quickly, which contributed to his turn against Trips and Flair. It eventually came down to Batista and John Cena (I loved how the final four were all guys who had never won a world belt -- remember when the Rumble was about elevating someone new to the main event?) with a botched finish where both men went over and Batista clearly hit first a little bit. I liked the whole story with the Raw refs saying Batista won and the Smackdown refs saying it was Cena, with Batista then throwing Cena out again -- followed by Cena throwing Batista out, too... until McMahon ordered the match restarted and Batista won. That wouldn't stop Cena from winning the WWE Championship off JBL at WrestleMania 21, but it did set up Batista going after Trips's World Heavyweight Championship.
Winner: Batista [N/A] (since I didn't see the whole thing)

Match #7: World Heavyweight Championship Match -- Triple H (C) vs. Batista (WrestleMania 21 -- April 3, 2005)
I wasn't expecting to like this match as much as I did since neither one of these guys blow me away in the ring anymore. As well, the story to this match is so key with Batista's slow turn against Triple H -- and while I know the story, that's not the same thing as experiencing it. But, the storytelling was strong with Batista as the clear underdog while Triple H uses his experience and ring-savy (and cheating) to make up for Batista's superior power. Batista is tenacious, but Triple H controlled the first half to two-thirds of the match pretty much until Batista hit the slingshot off the steps on the outside, sending Trips flying into the ringpost. That was the turning point with Triple H doing a good blade job. Michelle doesn't like blood, but she admitted that it worked here. I'm not the biggest fan of blood either -- but, like any storytelling tool, when it's used well, it works. The problem is that it isn't used well far too often. Here, it was a tangible sign that Batista has struck a meaningful blow against Triple H, that maybe he could win despite the odds being against him. After that, Batista was in control a lot more and even kicked out of a pin attempt after Triple H hit him with the belt behind the ref's back. Cheating wasn't enough to beat the Animal here as he eventually overpowered Triple H to win the title. It felt earned and was a great victory, partly because of the storytelling where Batista slowly gained the upper hand, culminating in that one move that turned the tide and put momentum on his side.
Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [****]

Match #8: Hell in a Cell Match for the World Heavyweight Championship -- Batista (C) vs. Triple H (Vengeance -- June 26, 2005)
I've seen this match a couple of times already since it's on the Triple H DVD set I have. But, I liked it more this time having seen the WrestleMania match. I'm a little disappointed that they didn't include the match at Backlash just to give us all three of these matches. I know why they didn't obviously, but it would have been cool to see the whole story from the Royal Rumble through all three matches against Triple H. There were a few things that I found interesting here. First off, it was very back and forth from the get-go. Batista was on more equal footing with Triple H, leading into Triple H always being the guy who brought in a weapon. He was the first to use the chain, the barbed wire chair, and the sledgehammer. Batista was confident and knew he could beat Triple H, so Trips was more likely to look for something to give him the edge. They still played up Trips's experience edge, especially since he'd been in numerous Hell in a Cell matches. After two losses, the match stipulation gave him back his edge, but it wasn't enough. They also played up the idea that there was no way that Batista was going to beat Triple H for a third time in a row by giving Triple H a lot of pincovers after finisher-quality moves only for Batista to kick out. People expected the match to end at those times, especially near the end. Batista won the match by finally using the ring steps as weapons, but the sort where it was to work with his power moves. By the way, Batista can't blade for shit. Though, his back acne worked well with Trips's use of the chain and barbed wire chair. I really liked the small touch of Triple H sucking in some blood from his face, so when he came off the top rope and Batista raised the sledgehammer to hit him in the chin, he could spit blood out. The finish was good with Triple H trying to use the sledgehammer only for Batista to hit the Batistabomb and retain the belt. I'm surprised how well this worked right after the WrestleMania match.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [****]

Match #9: No Holds Barred Match for the World Heavyweight Championship -- Batista (C) vs. JBL (Summerslam -- August 21, 2005)
I have no idea why this match is on the DVD. I really don't. The next match provides a good enough account of Batista being a fairly dominant world champ. I guess they needed two. Listen, if you read the participants in this match along with the stipulation and immediately thought of what the match would be like, you'd be right. It's exactly what you'd expect from a no holds barred match between Batista and JBL: they brawl, they use a weapon or two, Batista eventually overpowers JBL. The only interesting thing was Batista hitting the Batistabomb and, then, instead of going for the cover, noticing the steel steps that had been brought into the ring and then Batistabombing JBL onto the steps. I'm fairly certain that spot happens only because either Batista or Triple H realised after their Hell in a Cell match that that spot would have been awesome and were pissed off that they didn't think to do it then. This isn't a bad match, it's just mediocre.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [**]

Match #10: World Heavyweight Championship Match -- Batista (C) vs. Eddie Guerrero (No Mercy -- October 9, 2005)
The final match of the disc and it's pretty good. The story (from what I can piece together) is that Eddie Guerrero is trying to be a good guy, to no longer lie, cheat, and steal in order to win, and he wants to earn the respect of Batista by winning or losing cleanly. That aspect of the match isn't used much at the beginning where it's Guerrero using speed and skill against Batista's power and... er, power. But, as the match progresses, Guerrero goes outside to get a chair, but then stops and throws it away. Later, he unties the tag rope in the corner, but stops and throws it away. Even later, the ref is down, Batista is down, and it's the perfect chance to use the chair: Guerrero gets it, brings it in the ring, and hesitates, almost uses it a couple of times, but throws it away. Throughout this part of the match Guerrero was dominant through various holds and submissions, just beating Batista down with skill. There's a funny moment where Batista counters a Texas Cloverleaf attempt by rolling Guerrero up and Michael Cole comments on the rare finesse move from the Animals, calling it an act of desperation -- this, friends, is a small example of Cole not doing his job right. You want to sell it as Batista seeing that his regular strategy doesn't work, so he manages to dig deep and pull off a move beyond his normal skillset in order to stay alive -- he's not desperate, he's determined, and improving mid-match. The final use of the chair bothers me a little, because Batista sees him throw it away, but still acts like he was going to use it and gets pissed off. I hate shit like that. It's like when Wrestler A goes to hit Wrestler C with a chair, but Wrestler C ducks, so Wrestler A winds up hitting his buddy Wrestler B who was standing behind Wrestler C and Wrestler B gets pissed off and attacks Wrestler A assuming he did it on purpose. It's lame and tries to sell us on the idea that these guys are idiots. I would have preferred Batista seem happy and then kill Guerrero anyway, because they're still in a match. But, Batista goes full force on Guerrero, but Guerrero manages to gain the upperhand only to miss a Frog Splash (more like see Batista getting ready to move, so he rolled through it) and get hit with a Spinebuster (his second in pretty short order). After the match, Batista pulled up Guerrero and Guerrero offered his hand, which Batista accepted. A great moment when Batista turned his back and Guerrero got his shiteating, evil grin on only to lose it immediately when Batista turned around. A solid, fun match all around even if I didn't like the odd thing.
Winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion: Batista [***1/4]

While the first few matches of this disc were what you expect from an early Batista, I was really impressed with his two matches against Triple H. Give Batista and quality opponent and a decent in-ring story to tell and he can work that match. Here's hoping the second disc has some great ones.

Smarkass Reviews: Batista: I Walk Alone (Disc 1)

2010-07-01T22:25:00.002-04:00

Not exactly high on my list of WWE DVD sets to get, but Michelle and I were in Blockbuster today and they had this three-disc set for $10 used plus 30% off as part of a sale. It's hard to pass up this sort of set for seven bucks. I don't have anything against Batista really. I liked him when I got back into wrestling in 2007, but he's the sort of the guy who you tire of quickly in the ring. He's pretty limited in what he does and it gets a little stale after a while despite it being exciting/entertaning when you first see it. He's definitely got that special quality and the ability to work with different guys. Even after I grew tired with him, he would still get me interested in seeing him wrestle from time to time like his short feud with Rey Mysterio at the end of 2009. This set was done at the beginning of the fall in 2009, which kind of sucks only because it's less than a year later and he's no longer with the WWE.

The first disc of the set is devoted to a documentary feature on Batista and I always enjoy these. The first 20-30 minutes are about his life before he got into wrestling with the rest detailing his career with some personal stuff thrown in. It's well done for the most part. They do go a bit overboard in trying to cover up Batista's negatives, even when detailing his personal problems with his ex-wife and the mother of his two daughters. They all gloss over some of the backstage problems he had that I know of and whatever I don't know about. It's very much about making him look like a great guy -- and you can't blame them for that. You're not going to get a documentary full of negative interviews about a guy still working for the company as Batista was at the time. That wouldn't make any sense. Still, I would have liked something to round things out a little more.

I don't have a lot of detailed thoughts on the first disc, so I'll just throw out some random stuff:

* I was really surprised when Batista's mom showed up on the screen. I don't know what I expected when I thought about what his mom would look like, but that wasn't it. Nothing negative meant by that, it was just surprising.

* Triple H is right in noting that, at that time, Batista was the success story of Evolution. Randy Orton may have gotten a world belt before big Dave, but Batista's time post-Evolution had him as a bigger star. Though, I think, on the whole, Orton will have the bigger career. It's a short-term vs. long-term thing.

* You'd think they couldn't discuss the break-up of his marriage without discussing Batista's rampant cheating on his wife, but they did.

* Everyone says 'wrestling' and 'wrestlers' except for Batista who, being a good company man, says 'sports entertainment' and 'sports entertainers.' That amused me.

* Dammit, I want an Evolution DVD set. I really wish the WWE had done one around the time that Randy Orton, Triple H, and Batista were all mixed up in the same feud. That would have been fantastic.

* The stuff about Batista having a hard time when he got drafted to Smackdown while world champ was interesting since I never thought about that: the two brands were separate, almost like two different camps of guys, so a new guy coming in as the top guy right away would cause some problems.

* Fuck, I wanted to see Booker T present his views of Batista. Obviously wasn't going to happen, but it would have been fun.

* The WWE made Batista buy a suit for his on-screen character as Deacon Batista? That surprises me for some reason.

Despite the bias, this, like most of the WWE documentary discs, is worth watching. You get a decent look at a guy's career in 90 minutes with some fun interviews. Since the documentary is only 90 minutes and the bonus interview segments only like 10-15 minutes, I would have liked to see some matches on this disc, too, to allow for some more on the last two. The first match on the second disc, an OVW match, would have worked better here, acting more as a bonus feature than part of his official career. But that's not a big deal. The next two discs will get write-ups after I finish each of them.

Link Roundup

2010-06-29T23:45:00.001-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* Wrestling Top 5 -- Finisher Names
* High Road/Low Road on Rey Mysterio as World Heavyweight Champion
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 06.24.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 13
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 1 -- Intro, Keepers, Rounds One and Two
* Independent Draft 2010 Part 2 -- Rounds Three through Seven

GraphiContent
* Best of 2010: Halfway Mark
* Quickie Reviews (June 16/23 2010)

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* Batman: The Return of Bruce Wayne #3
* Ultimate Comics Avengers 2 #4
* Incorruptible #7
* Secret Warriors #17
* Joe the Barbarian #6
* Bullet to the Head #1

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (June 29, 2010)

The Splash Page Podcast
* The Splash Page Podcast episode 22

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 06.28.10

2010-06-29T00:39:00.000-04:00

I'll keep this brief since I didn't think much of tonight's Raw. Aside from the Nexus beatdown and the final match, the show was pretty forgettable. The opening delayed the ongoing story in a way that made me wonder what the rest of the episode would be like and if it could be good. The John Cena/Sheamus stuff was pretty bad with Cena overacting and being stuck with some really bad 'jokes.' The booking of their match at Money in the Bank came out of nowhere. I do think that Sheamus has really improved on the mic. He's really solid there.

The Ricky Steamboat appreciation segment/Nexuas beatdown was well done. The collection of legends was pretty random, but the attack was handled well. I do think that there wasn't much point in creating the stipulation that any Nexus member who attacks a WWE superstar will be fired/any WWE superstar who attacks a Nexus member will be suspended without pulling the trigger. It could have worked well if a few guys came out to defend the legends and got big pops for risking suspension to do so.

The final match was a solid build to the Raw Money in the Bank match. I imagine we'll get some variations on the men involved over the next couple of weeks leading to the PPV.

Really, though, I found the episode largely forgettable. I did like Rob Zombie's Lou Reed t-shirt, though.

The Idiot by Fyodor Dostoevsky (Post 004)

2010-06-28T00:35:00.001-04:00

Two weeks later, I've finally finished the third part of The Idiot. I was delayed a little because of Imperial Bedrooms and another weekend away where I didn't read a whole lot. Also, like the second part of this book, the third wasn't that great -- or that interesting. I'm really disappointed given the strength of the first part of the novel. Part I had a strong focus and worked as a whole, while the second and third parts have been meandering and don't work by themselves. They seem like Dostoevsky hit a certain page/word count and said "Okay, that does it for this part," much like he does with chapters. More than that, it seems like he only really had plans for the first part and just kept on going. There are some really strong moments here and there, but it's so plodding in other places as characters talk and talk and talk and say nothing. Yes, it's meant to be a bit of a satire of this level of society, but, fuck, I get it already.

In this part... nothing really happens. There are some small scandals that go nowhere and Ippolit, an 18-year old dying of consumption, spends three or four chapters reading this long preface to a suicide attempt that is really just a lot of blather. I did like the idea of Dostoevsky having a character say he's going to kill himself rather than die of a terminal illness and have almost everyone scoff and mock him for it, not believing he'll go through with it.

Prince Myshkin continues to be an interesting character, but still quite passive. He is alternatively loved and scorned by characters as some see him for the kind, Christ-like person he is, while others dismiss him as an 'idiot' (most do both at one point or another). There's some dancing around his relationship with Nastasya and also with Aglaia, the youngest daughter of a family he's acquainted with... except she's not quite right, much like Nastasya, changing moods midsentence. She goes from hating to loving to tolerating to liking to praising to scorning Myshkin and he goes along with it all because he's that kind of guy.

I honestly have no idea where this book is going. I don't know what it's about really. This book is definitely bloated and requires some editing down into a manageable form. Then again, maybe the fourth part will bring it all together and cause me to reassess what's come already. Though, god help me if Lebedyev shows up much more, because he is such an annoying character. The manner in which he speaks is so meaningless and filled with empty blather.

Normally, I don't get so caught up in characters, preferring to examine style and structure, but I can't see much of the latter. That's my big problem with what's here. Stylistically, it's typical Dostoevsky and it works better in some parts than others. He introduces some potential plotlines only to discard them -- his characters show little consistency in their actions at times -- Myshkin can barely speak at times...

Despite not loving the past, oh, 300 pages, I am looking forward to the last 150 to see what Dostoevsky does with this cast of characters and how it all comes together.

Watching in the Moment: Damages Season Two

2010-06-27T21:15:00.001-04:00

Yesterday and today, Michelle and I watched all of Damages season two on DVD (except for the first two episodes, which we watched last weekend at her parents'). This is one of Michelle's shows and we watched the first season in a weekend on DVD last year at her urging. I enjoyed the first season. I didn't think the writing ever cohered, more focused on keeping you guessing and surprising you than logical storytelling or consistent characters, but it was interesting. I'll always take interesting and flawed over boring and perfectly executed. I like ambition and Damages has it. Or, had it in the first season. The second season wasn't bad, but it was definitely missing something with me... not bored, but not exactly caring either by the end of the final episode of the season. (I should warn anyone that I will spoil anything I feel like. Because what's the point of discussing it if I tiptoe around the payoff?)

Part of the problem stems from one of the show's signature features: throughout the season, it shows you glimpses of what happens in the future. For this season, it was six months from the start of the season. Little snippets, often with repeating bits that leave out essential parts to give these glimpses some drama. In this season, we saw Ellen (Rose Byrne) shooting someone (apparently). We eventually gained more information about other characters and, when it was all revealed, nothing was quite what it appeared given context and scenes not being edited to be suggestive. It's a risky gambit that structuring a show this way will pay off since you need these fragments of scenes to all add up into a coherent conclusion that would make sense if we hadn't seen the flashforwards. In this season, they don't. They make sense, but they don't cohere into a good scene. The resulting scene is just awful as they try to piece the fragments together from short little bite-size pieces into something larger and it's just Byrne delivering one suggestive line dramatically after another, things never coming together.

The show is about a law firm run by Patty Hewes (Glenn Close) and, unlike the first season, the central case for this season doesn't dominate as much. Last season, it was an Enron-esque case with Ted Danson as the bad guy. This season, it's a corporate polluter, so things are bigger. And, yet, much less dramatic and interesting as the season meanders its way through the various subplots and little pieces of intrigue until there are so many twists and turns that you just don't care anymore.

After the first series of swerves, you just don't believe anything anymore, because you know that nothing is true until the end of the season. Anything can be changed, undone, made to be a work by some character on another. That doesn't mean it's bad or not entertaining, it just means that it's hard to get too wrapped up in any of it. You only get small little moments to latch onto. A character being arrested by the FBI just after his wife goes into labour, or Glenn Close being amazing, or William Hurt playing a monster that you know is a monster even when everything says he isn't, or Timothy Olyphant charming you even after you see that he's a bad guy, except not really. It amounts to a bunch of moments that never add up, that don't flow from one to the next, that can only be appreciated in the moment with no thought to the past or the future.

It's Vince Russo writing. "Nothing is true; everything is permitted." Make it up on the fly and keep 'em guessing.

I had planned to write a longer post, but there isn't much to the show beyond that. Some great acting by some, some mediocre acting by others, a lot of irrelevent subplots that lead nowhere, and a series of swerves that lose their power each time. It's a mystery show that doesn't play fair, so the mystery aspect is lost and you're left wondering what remains except watching in the moment... maybe I'll come back to this.

Smarkass Reviews: WWE Judgment Day 2006

2010-06-27T01:45:00.004-04:00

Another $5 WWE pay-per-view on DVD from Wal-Mart. Since the last one I got was Judgment Day 2007, I thought I'd go with Judgment Day 2006 just for fun. Why not go back a year and see what the PPV was like then? Well, this one is from when the brand extension in the WWE resulted in brand-specific PPVs. Judgment Day was a Smackdown-only PPV. I kind of regret that I missed this period in the WWE since it sounds like fun and a way to keep PPVs interesting since you wouldn't get burned out on the same guys every three or four weeks. It's also a good way to give more midcard talent a chance to shine. There are a few matches here that I don't think would make it onto a WWE PPV right now (some for good reason), but it's nice to see them giving certain guys a spot on the PPV. I'm not sure they have the depth of talent to pull it off now -- but it would be interesting if they gave it a try again. Anyway, let's get onto Judgment Day 2006.

Match #1: WWE Tag Team Championship Match -- MNM (C) vs. Brian Kendrick & Paul London
The story going into this match was that London and Kendrick had beaten MNM five times already, just not for the belts. This was a great match to kick things off with Kendrick and London going at top speed whenever on offence, but Mercury and Nitro played the classic tag team heels perfectly. They worked the ref, cheated as much as possible, and even got Melina into the act a few times. There was some good back and forth in spots along with double-teaming by MNM that ultimately backfired. What annoyed me about this match was how much young, raw talent there was here and, now, only one of these guys is still with the WWE (well, I guess Mercury has signed with them again, but hasn't been seen officially, so...). This match kicked off a yearlong reign as tag champs by London and Kendrick, too. Really, just some really good tag team wrestling. I also liked the stuff after the match where Melina and Nitro turned on Mercury. It made sense given the story and gave the PPV a sense of importance beyond just the title change.
Winners and NEW WWE Tag Team Champions: Brian Kendrick & Paul London [***1/2]

Match #2: Chris Benoit vs. Finlay
Later in the PPV is the finals of the King of the Ring tournament and these two met in the first round where Finlay won by cheating. So, it's a bit of a grudge match between two of the stiffest workers in the business. This was just a class in fantastic mat-based wrestling mixed with hard-hitting, smashmouth action. The match began with the two locked up, trying to overpower the other, even rolling outside the ring (still locked up) until it broke. Then, it was a series of holds before it got into just brutal action. Both men just beat the other down, Finlay trying to cheat a few times to no avail -- until Finlay made the mistake of taunting Benoit a bit too much. Benoit won via the Crossface, but both men looked fantastic. I turned to Michelle and said that, in a better world, this would have been the main event. Instead, it was just the best match of the night. At this point in the show, I was really impressed with what I was seeing. That wouldn't last entirely.
Winner: Chris Benoit [****]

Match #3: Jillian Hall vs. Melina
After the break-up of MNM, Melina went into this match distracted. It was a fine enough Divas match. Leagues ahead of the shit we usually see now, but nothing too special either. Jillian won despite Melina grabbing the rope (the ref didn't see). After the match, there was a run-in between Melina and Kristal that was... well, lame. This was a nice breather match after the first two, both of which were great and were also decent lengths.
Winner: Jillian Hall [*1/2]

Match #4: WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match -- Gregory Helmes (C) vs. Super Crazy
I didn't know what to expect of this match since I haven't seen a lot of either man. Bits and pieces here and there, never at a PPV. Helms is the heel champ, while Super Crazy the face that jumps around a lot. The story of this match is somewhat similar to the current one involving Douglas Williams as X-Division Champion in TNA where Williams wrestles a mat-based style against the high-flyers. Now, Helms does high-flying stuff, too, but stuck to the ground mostly here, because he's the heel. Honestly, this didn't impress me really. Neither man ever really got things going. It just puttered along in 2nd gear, never rising above a certain level. Helms won via cheating and I didn't care. The first match that felt like a let down of the show.
Winner and STILL WWE Cruiserweight Champion: Gregory Helms [*3/4]

Interlude
Between the matches here, there was a great backstage segment where Smackdown General Manager Teddy Long (hey, he's still got that job despite being demoted/fired in story at least once) had a run-in with Johnny Nitro and Melina that resulted in both being fired. Good stuff and built on the two matches involving them well. This PPV had a solid little MNM story running through it for the first half.

Match #5: Kurt Angle vs. Mark Henry
I wasn't expecting a lot from this. Kurt Angle is one of the best in the business and Mark Henry is a great big man, but that doesn't mean it would be a great match necessarily. The story here was simple: Mark Henry keeps jumping on Kurt Angle while Angle is laid out on tables, and Angle would like Kenry to stop. The storytelling here was really strong where Henry tried to wrestle his usual 'big man squash little man' match, while Angle outsmarted him, countering any power moves until making a mistake of his own. I love it when a wrestler of a certain skill level wrestles at that level with intelligence in the ring. Angle does so here. Eventually, the match resulted in Henry winning via countout, but, after the match, Angle got revenge by laying him out, sticking the ankle lock on, and, then, hitting him with the Angle Slam on the announce table. While Angle lost the match technically, he came away on top. Not an amazing match, but great storytelling. Better than I expected.
Winner: Mark Henry [***]

Match #6: King of the Ring Finals -- Booker T vs. Bobby Lashley
The pre-match segment here with Booker T was gold. The more I see of Booker T, the more I realise how underrated he is when considering the best wrestlers of the past 20 years. That he was the only guy to really see any lasting success from the WCW guys after the WWE bought that company speaks volumes. Sharmell running through the list of kings Booker will be better than was great, especially when she said Martin Luther King and Booker responded with "What?!?" before being won over. This match was also better than I expected. Lashley was limited in the ring to some pretty basic power moves, nothing flashy -- but Booker T brought the flash. Lots of agility and overacting to make things look better. I wasn't a big fan of the finish with Finlay coming down, but since Lashley beat him to earn a spot in the finals and Finlay later became a member of King Booker's royal court, it works. A bonus on the DVD is the coronation of Booker on the next Smackdown, which is worth it for William Regal doing the ceremony and ending things by repeating "Long live King Booker" over and over again.
Winner and the 2006 King of the Ring: ~~Booker T~~ King Booker [**1/2]

Match #7: The Undertaker vs. The Great Khali
This was just after Khali first entered the WWE (he's been there for over four years? shit...) and took out the Undertaker immediately. The sole goal was to make Khali seem like a big threat, which happens. 'Taker puts him over big time, while doing his best to carry the match despite Khali knowing all of three moves. It doesn't really work, but it sells Khali as a threat for the way he just destroys the Undertaker at the end.
Winner: The Great Khali [*]

Match #8: WWE World Heavyweight Championship Match -- Rey Mysterio (C) vs. JBL
Hmm, with Rey Rey becoming a two-time world champ this past Sunday, this match suddenly gains new meaning as we get to see what sort of champion he was the first time around. Well, in the weeks leading up to this match, he lost to Mark Henry, the Great Khali, and Kane. Just crushed by all of them. The entire match is JBL kicking the shit out of Mysterio, just beating him down again and again with brutal, punishing moves. Tossing him from one side of the ring to the other like a rag doll. Taunting him with allusions to Eddie Guerrero. Basically, JBL makes Rey Mysterio his bitch in this match and Rey wins anyway. Rey is the underdog even when champion, which doesn't work at all. I hope they do things better this time around, because this was a good match until the finish where we learn two things: 1) Rey Mysterio can take a superhuman amount of punishment; 2) JBL can be beaten with, like, three moves.
Winner and STILL WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Rey Mysterio [**1/2]

Overall, this was better than I thought it would be -- and better than the Judgment Day that would follow it. Only a few matches were letdowns, while the show began quite strong. Granted, the matches that bested my expectations weren't fantastic, I wasn't disappointed with this show at all.

Show Rating: 7.0 (out of 10)

Smarkass Comments: WWE Smackdown 06.25.10

2010-06-25T22:34:00.001-04:00

I missed Smackdown two weeks ago and was doing online things while watching last week's episode, so I didn't pay close enough attention to warrant any comments (even my brief, cursory sort). So, it's been a while since I talked Smackdown. This episode was solid overall. Lots of focus on in-ring action with the right amount of promo work mixed in.

* Teddy Long one-upping Drew McIntyre at the beginning of the show was great.

* The opening match was pretty good. I liked Jack Swagger's promo before it began. During it, Michelle and I got into our first Swagger-related debate: his win/loss record while champ. I thought he should have been booked stronger against the midcard talent he faced like John Morrison, Kofi Kingston, and MVP, while she thought that him winning all of those matches wouldn't make as much sense. I had no problem with Swagger dropping matches to guys like the Undertaker or Randy Orton since they're established main eventers and he was new to that level. However, his losses to the midcard guys were unnecessary. They shouldn't have been easy victories or anything, but I think Swagger should have won all of those matches. Show that the confidence he's gotten from being champ has made him better in the ring -- more determined and focused.

* The other argument was over the ankle lock finish. Michelle hated it and how the Big Show reacted, thinking that he needed to do more to get out of it, while I argued in favour of what happened. Michelle and I don't really argue, we're not one of those couples, but this was one of those rare times where it almost devolved into angry shouting. Because we have a good sense of perspective on matters... Some people will no doubt criticise them for having Swagger become more of a Kurt Angle copy, but I like that. Someone from Swagger's background would look to Angle as a person to emulate, so it makes sense. I just wish they would have gone in that direction sooner a bit more. Besides, I love the ankle lock. It's probably the submission move I see as the most effective given the mobility of the applyer, the pain it inflicts, and the difficulty in getting out of it.

* The six-man tag match was pretty typical stuff. Still not a fan of Hawkings and Archer. I like how they had the senior team win with the youngest guy taking more of the punishment, pushing the idea of experience winning out.

* The McIntyre/Hardy match didn't impress me as much as it did others. I found it to be a great argument for why more time doesn't necessarily equal better quality. Until it came back from its last commercial break, it was pretty slow and plodding. Shit we'd seen before. I also didn't like the placement of the Michinoku Driver variation from the top rope. That looked like a match-ending move and it was done very early into the match. I didn't buy Hardy kicking out. At all. It was a just the wrong place for that move and that kind of soured me on the rest of the match. The post-match visa shit with McIntyre made me wish that he had won only for Teddy Long to then inform him that he will be able to celebrate this victory with his family... IN SCOTLAND. It would have been a nice twist on the Powers That Be helping Drew after he loses.

* The Cody Rhodes promo was awesome. Dashing Cody Rhodes finally has character. It was great arrogant heel work, especially lines like "I can literally hear you getting fatter" and his mocking of Husky Harris. He even worked in his entrance of coming out backwards looking over his shoulder. It was really good and has me thinking that Rhodes is going places. I've liked his ring work for a while, but thought his character was lacking. This may be what he needs to get a decent midcard push.

* The more I see of Team LayCool, the more I love them. They're funny -- and the addition of Kaval as their NXT rookie just adds visual comedy anytime all three are together on screen.

* The final brawl between Kane and the Straight Edge Society was well done. The three-on-one bit kept things moving smoothly while making Kane seem unstoppable. CM Punk running away into the night was goofy as fuck, but whatever.

* I do have to question the decision to give Rey Rey the belt when he was going to miss the first TV taping after Fatal 4-Way because of a vacation. I'm a big believer that your world champion should be the focus of your show unless there's a good for otherwise. I criticised TNA heavily for not having RVD on last week's Impact (this week wasn't much better for him showing up very briefly). The world champ is the face of the company/brand/show and his absence should come with a good reason. But, that's me.

As I said, a solid episode. Not entirely sure where everything is going as we build to Money in the Bank, though. Probably the Swagger/Mysterio match, Kane/CM Punk, and the Smackdown MitB match? Seems solid enough. We'll see.

Top Five -- Lou Reed Songs

2010-06-24T23:20:00.000-04:00

I love lists and always enjoy doing the wrestling top five at 411mania when I can, so why not bring that here? Whenever I get in the mood, I'll do a top five list of some kind. No honourable mentions, just the top five. Since I've been in a Lou Reed mood lately, I'll do my top five favourite Lou Reed songs. This includes his stuff with the Velvet Underground, obviously. I'm including links to youtube videos featuring the songs as well so you can hear them in some form or another -- if there's the original (audio with a static picture), I'll use that.

5. "Coney Island Baby" (Coney Island Baby): I love the guitar work in this song, but also the odd shift where it goes from Lou Reed talking about wanting to play football in high school to ideas of love... I've never really figured this song out, but it's just a beautiful song. It builds well from the slow, quiet beginning. There's a lot of passion in it. The guitar playing is by Bob Kulick, I believe, and is really different from standard Lou Reed songs. Very intricate work. I can just listen to this song over and over.

4. "New Age" (Loaded): While I've heard demos or live versions of most of these other songs that have variations, "New Age" is the only one with two radically different sets of lyrics. They both share a chorus (albeit with some slightly altered lines), but the verses are very different. The studio version involves the "fat, blonde actress" and wanting her autograph. It's a song about finding a new life as you reach a certain age -- hitting that point in your life where you're not young anymore and need to change. The other version, which you can hear on 1969: The Velvet Underground Live vol. 1 (and Tori Amos covered on Strange Little Girls) is more about going out to bars and clubs in New York. Something about the lines "I'll come running to ya / Hey, baby, if you want me" strikes me. More than any other song on this list, I can't point to what about it touches me. I just dig it.

3. "Perfect Day" (Transformer): A little cliche to stick this song on the list since it's one of those songs everyone knows, but... it's really fucking good. Sad and self-aware at the same time. The lines that always stick with me are "You made me forget myself / I thought I was someone else / Someone good." A nice little hint at the meaning of love, but in a different context. This also just has one of Reed's better vocal performances. I also really like the demo for the song where he sings about a 'sumer's day' most of the time. I kind of like that version of the lyrics more, because it makes the times when he calls it a perfect day stand out more. It was just a summer's day, but it became a perfect day... something cool about that.

2. "Caroline Says II" (Berlin): The saddest, most heartbreaking song I've ever heard. This song is the culmination of Reed's various "(girl's name) Says" songs, building on "Stephanie Says." This song shares some lyrics with "Stephanie Says," but takes things even further by detailing the abuse Caroline suffers from her boyfriend/husband. It's slow and sad, this song. To make things worse (sort of), on Berlin, this song is followed by "The Kids," which is probably the second saddest song I've ever heard. The opening lyrics to this song are the worst -- just a kick to the gut. My heart sinks every time I hear them.

1. "Rock & Roll" (Loaded): A song about how fantastic music is. How it can change your life, save your life. Life can awful, but if you put on the right music, suddenly, it's all right. I'm always amused at how aware the five-year old girl is in this song, though. What a depressed little kid. If she's already rolling her eyes at her parents' commercialism, I can't imagine she'd make it past the age of twelve without killing herself, rock music or no rock music. Also, this song contains a very important message that everyone of my generation seems to have forgotten: YOU CAN DANCE TO ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC! Still, the core message here isn't about rock music, it's just about the glory of music. How powerful it is and what it can do. The song also has a great little imperfection where after the first line of the lyrics, the sound of the recording gets louder. I love little things like that.

If you haven't before, check out the songs. They're all fantastic.

Hell's Kitchen Episodes 07.05 & 07.06

2010-06-24T00:45:00.001-04:00

These episodes were just brutal to watch as the Blue Team just kicked the shit out of the Red Team until the Red Team decided to just kill itself. The fourth episode ended with Scott and Autumn switching teams and, wow, did that work out for the Blue Team as Scott continued to suck despite having a giant ego. I know that the producers use footage to tell a specific story, but Scott just provided so many soundbytes about how great he is and, then, screwed up so many times in the kitchen. Was there anyone who wanted him on the show by the end of the sixth episode? It was the kind of obnoxious bullshit that gets you dumped by your girlfriend when she sees it. (I am genuinely curious how many relationships have been ruined because of reality TV shows. Also, how many suicides? There's got to be some...)

* In the sixth episode, Ramsay kicked the Red Team out of the kitchen and had his TWO sous chefs finish the service. The Blue Team then seemingly stopped making any mistakes, almost as the capper to the two-episode arc of 'Hey, the Blue Team owns the Red Team.'

* Hey, wouldn't the people making the show know about Siobhan's allergies to cleaning products ahead of time? If so, what the fuck was that shit? Because it wasn't good TV, it was just stupid.

* There's something very uncomfortable about watching this show devote 30-60 seconds on the guys on the Blue Team ogling the one girl on their team at a spa.

* Later in that episode, we got an odd piece of the chefs hanging out where one revealed that she has a giant porn collection and another revealed that she used to work in S&M... completely pointless beyond just having those conversations in the middle of the show. Oddly set up with Salvatore, the Italian (who's lived in America for nearly twenty years, but speaks with an accent and doesn't actually seem to know English) coaxing the women into sharing stories like that. You wouldn't be wrong to think that they'd accidentally stuck footage from another show in...

* I was oddly disappointed that the challenge involving the pigs didn't involve the chefs personally killing the pigs they'd then cook. In the teaser last week, I immediately came up with a scenerio where Siobhan was crying, holding a knife while Ramsay yelled at her to kill the pig and she sobbed that she doesn't want to kill the pig. I'd watch that.

* This show makes me afraid to eat out...

* A little girl drawing Ramsay saying "You donkey!"? Priceless.

* Ramsay yelling at Jason had me thinking that we were two seconds away from Jason shoving Ramsay's head into the deep fryer. I'm always surprised at the lack of violence in the show. You got some angry British guy yelling at you for an unnecessarily long time after you've admitted your wrongdoing and promised to do better... yeah, I'm thinking you may want to punch that fucker. Then again, Ramsay would destroy anyone who tried.

* This show brings out more violent impulses in me than wrestling. Why?

* Judging from the teaser, Benjamin getting moved to the Red Team doesn't help one bit. In fact, he seems ready to kill himself and everyone else. I kind of want to know why.

I definitely like having two episodes in a single night. I'd rather breeze through this than have it dragged out. Also, these people suck so much that I kind of need to see two of them kicked off each time I watch it. Until next week.

Smarkass Comments: WWE NXT 06.22.10

2010-06-24T00:00:00.000-04:00

Because of the NBA draft tomorrow night, the Score aired NXT a day early this week. Because of watching some Babylon 5 with Michelle, I came in fifteen minutes late. And, because of writing a comic review, I only payed attention to the matches really -- and the final segment since I finished the review. Something about NXT just doesn't capture my interest. Maybe it's knowing for sure that at least half of these guys will go nowhere. I could be wrong, but I doubt it. Some brief random thoughts:

* Man, watching the Kaval/Eli Cottonwood match was like watching an argument for everything that's wrong with the WWE style of booking matches and wrestlers. On one hand, we have Kaval who fills matches with stunning offence that's innovative and fun to watch. On the other, we have a slow, plodding big man who doesn't do much except not fall down and do simplistic power moves like punches, chops, and slams. Kaval carried the match and gets the loss. I know, I know, wins and losses don't matter really, but, fuck, would it kill them to push the guy who can actually fucking wrestle? Is that too much to ask?

* Joe Hennig is solid in the ring. Not as good as Kaval, but definitely someone to keep an eye on.

* Cody Rhodes going over Luck Cannon made total sense. Cannon didn't look that good in there at all.

* The final segment was pretty solid with each rookie given 45 seconds to sell themselves to the fans and pros. Alex Riley was good. Kaval was okay. Titus O'Neil had some good passion. Hennig was short and sweet. Cottonwood seems genuinely creepy. Showtime was just funny. Cannon was dull. Husky Harris's attack on Striker worked with what Rhodes did last week.

It's odd to see rookie types wrestle WWE style in successive matches, because, fuck, that's a boring style when done by lesser talents. Kaval stood out this week. Hennig is solid. The rest, I don't know. As I said to Michelle tonight, I could really take or leave this show.

Link Roundup

2010-06-23T00:45:00.000-04:00

What I wrote (or contributed to) online this past week:

411mania
* High Road/Low Road on the NXT Angle
* PPV Roundtable on WWE Fatal 4-Way
* Wrestling 4Rs including my review of the 06.17.10 TNA Impact
* Wrestler of the Week Year 6 Week 12

Comic Book Resources Reviews
* New Avengers #1
* The Boys #43
* Joker's Asylum II: Mad Hatter #1
* Dark Wolverine #87
* Azrael #9

Comics Should be Good
* Random Thoughts! (June 22, 2010)

The Splash Page Podcast
* The Splash Page Podcast episode 21

Smarkass Comments: WWE Raw 06.21.10

2010-06-21T23:55:00.001-04:00

I'm torn on tonight's episode of Raw as it did some things very well, others not as well, and the rest was just typical Raw bullshit. As always, any lack of a guest host is a good thing.

* The opening with Vince, Sheamus, and John Cena was strong. Vince is always good on the mic, but Sheamus really won me over. Michelle wasn't in the living room for the first bit of the show and came in asking what I was laughing at so hard. The answer: Sheamus and his little 'I don't want to win the title like that' fake-out. His delivery was very strong and shows he's really growing. I don't mind him as WWE Champion right now at all.

* I oddly hope that the anonymous General Manager is Triple H. For some reason, I'm very keen on the idea of Trips as GM to play up his McMahon connection (why not since it's common knowledge since that feud with Orton last year...), allow him to stay out of the ring somewhat, and keep him out of the title picture for the most part. That made me think that Vice was going to screw Sheamus out of the belt in the main event as payback for what he did to Trips back at Extreme Rules. But, this story is intriguing. I wonder if this is the last we'll see of Bret Hart. Probably not, but it would be weird if it were.

* Chris Jericho and Evan Bourne put on the best Raw match in a long time. The added stipulation that Jericho would leave the WWE if he lost had me genuinely worried since there are rumours of issues between Jericho and Vince backstage over Jericho hosting that Downfall gameshow (despite Jericho getting permission ahead of time). But, he and Bourne really put on a good show. Jericho won in a very Jericho fashion (outsmarting his opponent), while Bourne looked good in the process. After the match, Jericho helping Bourne up only to shove him back down was fantastic -- Bourne's reaction was great; he looked like he was about to cry. Raw was off to a very good start.

* Then, we got a taste of Natalya and Tamina in the ring and FINALLY some Divas that can actually wrestle. It's been far too long since we saw Natalya in the ring. I don't mind it too much when I think of the matches she's had with other Divas where she's obviously moving in slow motion so they can keep up. Sadly, we only got a taste of this before the NXT (or, it looks like, Nexus) guys came out.

* That Nexus promo was weak. The apologies were just awful, especially the over-the-top apology to the kids and parents. Wade Barrett's bit was the only good part.

* The Miz getting involved with the Edge/Randy Orton feud is interesting. Are Edge and Miz allies or did it just work out that way?

* Zack Ryder is a little mystifying regarding any push, but, as I told Michelle, he's easy to remember -- and standing out at all is half the battle. In the ring, his match with Morrison was average.

* The Cena/Sheamus match was solid. Not sure about Cena being so knocked about because of being thrown into the steps. That didn't fit exactly with what we've seen. The Nexus beatdown was just odd and tame compared to what we've seen. They teased Vince as the man behind it and, thankfully, didn't go in that direction. That final bit was a little too drawn out for me. It wasn't tense, it was boring.

All in all, the show started well, dragged in the middle, and had a small recovery at the end. Hopefully, we'll see more matches of the Jericho/Bourne calibre on Raw in the future, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Smarkass Comments: TNA Top Ten Rankings #2

2010-06-18T22:10:00.002-04:00

Last night, the second round of Top Ten Rankings in TNA was revealed and some of the choices seem questionable to me. So, out of curiosity, I thought I would go over the guys listed in the first top ten and the guys in the new top ten to see what they actually accomplished in the ring over the past month. The first number (or UR for unraked) is the current ranking, while the number in parenthesis is their previous ranking. (Also, the top three contenders haven't been determined. They had a threeway last night to determine the #1 contender, but the match ended in a countout. Somehow.)

UR. Kazarian (#10)
* May 21 Impact: Won eight-man battle royal to earn the #10 spot after Kurt Angle gave up his spot.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Jay Lethal.
* June 3 Impact: Lost in a threeway match against Jay Lethal (winner) and AJ Styles (#2). Styles was pinned.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Kurt Angle.
Record: 2-2 (singles).
Thoughts: His only victories were early ones, including one against a guy who won a threeway featuring Kaz the following week and he lost at a PPV against Kurt Angle. He deserved to drop out of the top ten.

UR. Rob Terry (#8)
* May 21 Impact: Lost to Orlando Jordan.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Beat Desmond Wolfe (#7) and Orlando Jordan with Abyss (#5) in a tag team match.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Did not wrestle.
Record: 0-1 (singles); 1-0 (tag).
Thoughts: No big wins, lots of missed action because of an injury, he deserved to drop out of the top ten.

10. Kurt Angle (UR)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 10 Impact: Defeated Amazing Red.
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Kazarian (#10)
Record: 2-0 (singles).
Thoughts: Mostly nothing, but two wins including beating the #10 contender, so taking his spot makes sense.

9. Desmond Wolfe (#7)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Jeff Hardy (#3).
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Abyss (#5) and Rob Terry (#8) in a tag match with Orlando Jordan.
* June 10 Impact: Defeated Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5) in an eight-man tag match with AJ Styles (#2) and Beer Money, Inc. (Robert Roode and James Storm).
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Abyss (#5) in a Monster's Ball match.
Record: 1-1 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: Not sure Wolfe deserved to drop these two spots. He was split in tag matches, which aren't as important as singles matches. His singles win was over the #3 contender, while his loss was against the #5 contender at a PPV. This seems like a wash to me. No improvement, but no falling in the stats either.

8. "The Pope" D'Angelo Dinero (#6)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Did not wrestle.
Record: None (injured).
Thoughts: Being injured sucks, but he should have been dropped until he could come back and prove himself worthy of a spot.

7. Jay Lethal (UR)
* May 21 Impact: Defeated Beer Money, Inc. in a tag match with Rob Van Dam (C)
* May 28 Impact: Lost to Kazarian (#10).
* June 3 Impact: Defeated AJ Styles (#2) and Kazarian (#10) in a threeway match by pinning Styles.
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jeff Hardy (#3), Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5).
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated AJ Styles (#2).
Record: 2-1 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: Two wins over the #2 contender means jumping into the top ten. I might have placed him even higher, maybe #6.

6. Samoa Joe (#9)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Rob Van Dam (C) in a fourway match with Sting (#1) and Matt Morgan.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Did not wrestle.
Record: 0-1 (singles).
Thoughts: Not much action except for a loss in a fourway. He didn't take the pin, though. He should have fallen or, at minimum, stayed where he was, not jumped three spots.

5. Sting (#1)
* May 21 Impact: Lost to Jeff Hardy (#3).
* May 28 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Rob Van Dam (C) in a fourway with Samoa Joe (#9) and Matt Morgan.
* June 10 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Rob Van Dam (C)
Record: 0-3 (singles).
Thoughts: He should have fallen further after three losses, including a shot at the title.

4. AJ Styles (#2)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Mr. Anderson (#4).
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Jay Lethal in a threeway match with Kazarian (#10). He was pinned.
* June 10 Impact: Defeated Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5) in an eight-match tag match with Desmond Wolfe (#7) and Beer Money.
* Slammiversary VIII: Lost to Jay Lethal.
Record: 1-2 (singles); 1-0 (tag).
Thoughts: Two losses to Lethal, but one over Anderson along with the tag win. Dropping a couple of spots makes sense.

#3/2/1? Abyss (#5)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Defeated Orlando Jordan.
* June 3 Impact: Defeated Desmond Wolfe (#7) and Orlando Jordan in a tag match with Rob Terry (#8).
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), and Mr. Anderson (#4)
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Desmond Wolfe (#7) in a Monster's Ball match.
Record: 2-0 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: A winning record, including a PPV win means advancement.

#3/2/1? Mr. Anderson (#4)
* May 21 Impact: Did not wrestle.
* May 28 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2).
* June 3 Impact: Lost to Robert Roode.
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jay Lethal, Jeff Hardy (#3), and Abyss (#5).
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Beer Money in a tag match with Jeff Hardy (#3).
Record: 0-2 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: Wow, two losses including one to an unranked guy with his sole victory being a tag match -- albeit a PPV one. He deserved to drop some spots, not possibly be the number one contender. What the fuck is this shit?

#3/2/1? Jeff Hardy (#3)
* May 21 Impact: Defeated Sting (#1).
* May 28 Impact: Lost to Desmond Wolfe (#7).
* June 3 Impact: Defeated James Storm.
* June 10 Impact: Lost to AJ Styles (#2), Desmond Wolfe (#7), and Beer Money in an eight-man tag match with Jay Lethal, Mr. Anderson (#4), and Abyss (#5).
* Slammiversary VIII: Defeated Beer Money with Mr. Anderson (#4).
Record: 2-1 (singles); 1-1 (tag).
Thoughts: A win over the number one contender is always a plus, but he did lose to Desmond Wolfe. Throw in a victory over James Storm and a PPV tag victory to overmatch the eight-man match, Hardy came out a winner this month.

Based on these numbers, about half of this list is right. Samoa Joe, Mr. Anderson, and the Pope stand out as the three guys who are ranked higher than they deserve, while Jay Lethal and Desmond Wolfe are ranked a little low. Were I to do the rankings, mine would probably look like this:

10. Rob Terry
9. Kurt Angle
8. Samoa Joe
7. Mr. Anderson
6. Desmond Wolfe
5. Sting
4. Jay Lethal
3. AJ Styles
2. Jeff Hardy
1. Abyss

Just a little different...

Smarkass Comments: WWE NXT 06.15.10

2010-06-18T01:09:00.000-04:00

Actually caught all of NXT this week with its 8 pm Thursday airing on the Score here in Canada. Some thoughts:

* MVP's delivery of the explanation to the rookies for last week's beatdown was quite strong. Sometimes, I forget how good MVP is on the mic and, then, he's given a chance to speak. Not as bombastic or jokey as he usually does, this was just straight talk. The beatdown was a lesson/warning/initiation/challenge.

* The Kaval/Alex Riley match was alright, but lacking. Considering Kaval's skill level and Riley being FCW champion, I expected a lot from this one. Kaval wasn't moving too quick, while Riley never got past the most basic of 'I'm bigger than my opponent so I'll just hit him a lot' moves. LayCool on commentary was funny. Not sure about the decision to give Riley the win. Like Danielson last 'season,' Kaval has been paired with pros that make us wonder what the fuck is going on and he's made to lose despite his obvious accomplishments in the ring. There's a theory that since he's so good/respected, he can put others over -- but I'd rather just see a guy who is built up as great in the ring just be great in the ring and win. Kaval's personality isn't as likable as Danielson's -- it lends itself better to the violent heel that dominates his opponents. Plus, this match had the awful finish of Guy A beats the shit out of Guy B until Guy B hits finishing move out of nowhere for the win. I'd rather just a fluke roll-up or small package. Guys just hitting finishers out of nowhere makes you wonder why they waited so long.

* The pros comments after that first match where awful. Morrison seems to be losing his mic skills as he goes, while Ryder was... meh. I don't get the love for him.

* The mixed pro/rookie tag match was alright, but the difference between "Lucky" Cannon and Joe Hennig in the ring is so obvious that it made this hard to take too seriously. Cody Rhodes's tear down of Cannon after the match was spot-on. Though, I did like Mark Henry sticking up for his rookie even if he did use the word 'lucky' about two hundred times.

I like the format of the show, especially with the pros watching matches and taking notes. Kaval and Riley underwhelmed a bit, but the stuff with LayCool was funny. Joe Hennig looked strong, while Cannon was forgettable. A solid show.

Chad's question number 2

2010-06-17T12:17:00.004-04:00

Yes, it's that time again! And, it's not really suprising that at least one of his questions would have to do with wrestling :p

What's been your favourite wrestling match and/or story so far?

Well, I actually have a HORRIBLE memory in general, but especially when it comes to something that even now I haven't really really gotten in to. I more just watch it with Chad as a way to spend time together and we have fun making fun of people and getting excited when something cool happens. So, to figure out what my favourite match or story has been so far I thought would be kind of difficult, if only because I don't remember most of them. Then I though, well, the ones that I do remember must either be because I liked them a lot or because they were really stupid, of which I can easily discern the two. So... based off of my memory, here are a few of my favs!

1. Shawn Michaels and The Undertaker at Wrestlemania in 2009 (I forget which one that was, but since everyone seemed to like that match, I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about). We watched that one together at a bar down the street and I think it was the most fun I've ever had with wrestling. The bar was pretty packed (unlike other PPV nights) and I got so caught up in the quality and suspense that match had. I still remember how I felt during that match even if I don't really remember most of what happened. I won't say that the whole feud is my favourite, but that match itself is definitely at the top of my list.

2. The Macho Man and the Ultimate Warrior: only because of the hilarious promos the two of those guys give!!!

3. Shawn Michaels and JBL. At the time, I HATED this story because I couldn't see why Shawn Michaels would be such a wimp and willingly be under someone like JBL. But I see now that that was a smart thing and it also was able to bring out emotion in me. It brought out the ass that JBL is and set up a good retirement story for him. I think that the timing of this story and how well played out it all was was really just perfect and only upon reflecting on it do I think that it was really good.

4. This new Kane/The Undertaker thing. I guess it's a little too premature to list this one, but I'm really really looking forward to seeing what happens with this and I'm glad that they're using Kane in a scary but not too stupidly monster-like way.